Welcome to the 19th episode of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where the three writers of C talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we discuss two absolutely horrendous Horror films in anticipation of Halloween with a Christmas movie and the fifth installment of a St. Patrick’s Day franchise. Don’t worry, we didn’t forget to bring up Eric in the bathtub. We also slowly devolve into doing a few minutes of Ice T impressions from SVU, so there’s that. Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!
Welcome to the 18th episode of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where the three writers of Ctalk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we discuss the three of some of our favorite current horror films in anticipation of Halloween, as well as more of Eric’s bathing habits! Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!
Google Play Music – https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal
You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search for CinemAbysmal.
Get Out (2017) – Horror | Comedy | Thriller
Directed by: Jordan Peele
Starring: Daniel Kaluuya and Allison Williams
How I Watched: Theatres
Review by Nick Spanjer
Here’s the thing about the first big horror movie of 2017: it is not that scary. Now before you turn away from this review, know that I loved the film. While each trailer wraps it in a pretty horrific little bow, the truth is, the film is more of a psychological clusterbomb, meant to fuck with the heads of the droves of white audiences filing in to see it. I know you’re thinking, “Oh man, Jordan Peele just made a movie to rip on Trump voters?,” but, no.
The smartest part of Get Out, was not that it rips on Trump, Trump voters, or even white people in general. What the movie actually does is firebomb the white, liberal elite; those same ones that were sure Hillary Clinton had the election in the bag. At one point, a terrific Bradley Whitford, who plays main character Chris’ girlfriend’s father, tells Chris that if he could have, he would have voted for Obama a third time. This sort of forced validation with the “black” community that Chris represents shows how out of touch these people really are.
I’m not going to go too much further into the plot, but what I can tell you, is that this movie definitely did its job in making me horribly uncomfortable. Being a white liberal, I could just feel the awkwardness of Bradley Whitford and his wife (played by an awesomely creepy Catherine Keener) almost giving each other pats on the back of how accepting they are of their white daughter’s new black boyfriend. The musical score does its job to inflict unease (with the exception of one over-the-top section at the end of the film), but the most discomfort is caused by the characters’ interactions. While there are plenty of classically tense “horror” moments in this, these moments are the most uncomfortable. And trust me, there are plenty of them.
I think my favorite performance in the film came from Caleb Landry Jones, the brother of Chris’ girlfriend. From the get-go, you can tell the character is off his rocker and it is one of the more well-acted pieces in the film. There is a dinner scene in which I was sinking further and further into my chair as the tension built. There are also moments which made me think of films like Rosemary’s Baby and Under the Skin, where the movie almost descends into a dreamlike abyss, causing you to feel the worst case of inescapability. At one point, Chris is hypnotized and his state of claustrophobia was nearly infectious upon me.
Get Out is not a horror movie in the classic sense. Yes, there are jump scares and there is some pretty gruesome violence. In all reality though, this is Jordan Peele’s living nightmare on film. He took what he saw was happening in our country and all over the world, and made it into a film. Our world has become a pretty horrific place for a lot of us, and there are funny moments, as well as really uncomfortable ones. We do not treat each other right, and we have not been treating each other right for a long time. This is the movie that shows us just how awful it has gotten – and that is the most horrific part of Get Out.
Final Score: 3.5/4
Similar Films: Rosemary’s Baby, Green Room, The Stepford Wives
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
Starring: Logan Marshall-Green and John Carroll Lynch
Review by CinemAbysmal
First of all, this is not really a horror movie. Well, I suppose you could call it one, but let’s be safe here and call it a psychological thriller. The Invitation (if you invite it to…rimshot, please) will take hold of your brain like a pitbull to a rubber toy and make you second guess yourself for a good hour and a half. It burns slow, but damn it pays off.
The director of the film, Karyn Kusama, is probably most well-known for her other films, like Aeon Flux and Jennifer’s Body. When I saw that she was the filmmaker, I was a bit hesitant on even watching this to be honest. I’ve heard Aeon Flux is just god awful. I actually liked Jennifer’s Body quite a bit, but it wasn’t really enough to get me jacked for this one. I checked out the trailer, and couldn’t really tell what was going on but was intrigued enough. And honestly, I’m really glad I did.
This is not really a horror movie because not enough happens in it to make it horrific. Most of the film, the characters are talking in living rooms or dining rooms inside of a really nice Hollywood Hills home. Don’t let this scare you away, though. The acting is pretty terrific, as lead Logan Marshall-Green is confusing and at times insufferable, complementing the serpentining storyline perfectly. John Carroll Lynch (that weird bald guy that always plays that really weird bald guy in movies) is amazing, but I’m not going to tell you anything about his character because he’s that good.
I hope the words I’ve chosen for this review have not pushed you away from watching this film. I know that “psychological thriller” tends to be a bit overused when describing movies, but this honestly is one of those occasions where this term works perfectly. It’s vicious, confounding and has one of the better payoffs that I’ve seen in movies like this. Check out The Invitation on Netflix now!
The House of the Devil, The Innkeepers, The Sacrament
Directed by: Ti West
Review by CinemAbysmal
I originally watched The House of the Devil about 5 or 6 years ago. The first time, I wasn’t all that impressed, probably because I was looking for scares in the classic sense. While I’m not saying that this movie is lacking in scares, it is definitely a slow-burning test on your psyche. The film’s events are set during a lunar eclipse in 1983. I think the coolest part about the movie though, is that it’s filmed like it’s 1983. Heavy grain is visibly present, the score is incredibly cheesy (yet effective) and lead actress Jocelin Donahue is so good. This movie is pretty slow on the buildup, but it absolutely pays off. One more thing that makes this movie imperative: Tom Fucking Noonan. Check out this one on Hulu Plus now.
The Innkeepers is probably my favorite of the three we’re featuring here. It’s more of the classic ghost movie, featuring a haunted hotel and some creepy yarns about its troubled history. West has picked some excellent female leads and Sara Paxton is one of them. She plays the role of the curious, wannabe ghost hunter to perfection. As with The House of the Devil, this movie burns slowly, but the payoff is excellent. It is also filmed excellently, with some tense hallway shots. Jeff Grace’s score is great as well. Check out The Innkeepers on Hulu Plus.
The Sacrament kind of took me by surprise. I, like a lot of people, have grown a bit tired of the found-footage concept. While West spins it a bit different, featuring a Vice News crew filming a Jim Jones-esque cult, it still is a found footage movie. This one is good enough, though. The acting is pretty excellent and I think Gene Jones steals the show as the Jim Jones inspired character, ‘Father.’ While this movie definitely provides a different feeling than the other two, it still kept my interest and featured West’s signature ‘slow-burn’ that builds to a wildfire of an ending. Check it out on Netflix.
Eight Legged Freaks
Directed by: Ellory Elkayem
Starring: David Arquette and Scarlett Johansson
Review by Eric Scot Lemons
I love a good B-horror film. One that rides the line of camp and comes out with something both exciting and fun. It is a difficult genre though, for every Tremors you get four Sharknados. You expect the CGI to be bad, which in Eight Legged Freaks, it is. But not too bad for a film out of 2002. You got David Arquette, a sort of random crown prince of cult-ish horror after the Scream flicks and having written and directed The Tripper, a sort of ode to 80s slasher flicks that has Ronald Reagan like figure as the slasher. But in this movie, like many, he sucks. His line delivery felt like it came after a long trailer weed nap.
That being said, I really dug this movie. It was corny, but pretty funny in parts. In many ways, it felt like one of my favorite films, Slither, albeit only in tone and not in plot or quality. It really is an amalgamation of many different cool horror flicks. It takes place partially in a mall like Dawn of the Dead, and partially in a mine like My Bloody Valentine. The way they picked off their prey by sneaking into their homes felt like Arachnophobia, but on a comically larger scale. My one major complaint in the film that just got too annoying was they gave the spiders voices that sounded half the time like a mogwai and half the time like a minion. I don’t need a high-pitched squirrel voice from a spider to know it hates being shot.
I would recommend this movie to anyone who wants to watch some fun bullshit in which they know what will happen and they don’t have to think about it, but it is cool to see spiders take out tanker trucks and pile into malls and get shot. It isn’t perfect or really great in any feasible way, but you’ll enjoy it, especially with the help of alcoholic beverages or inhaled cannabis smoke