Month: November 2017

Ed Wood Jesus Do? – Podcast Episode 05: ‘Paris, Texas’

The boys say goodbye to a Hollywood legend in the fifth episode of Ed Wood Jesus Do? as they talk Harry Dean Stanton in Wim Wenders’ 1984 road movie ‘Paris, Texas.’ Winner of the coveted Palmes d’Or and holder of a rare 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, this film changed movies as we know, though it did it as quiet and subtly as Harry Dean acted in his 100+ films. Listen on iTunes below, or find our fifth episode anywhere else you listen to podcasts. As always, please RATE, SUBSCRIBE, and most importantly SHARE with your friends!
iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ed-wood-jesus-do/id1261488350?mt=2

Advertisements

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 21: Gooby & The Great Wall

Here we go! It’s time for the 21st episode of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where the three writers of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, special guest and comedian Jason Komm joins us to discuss the unthinkably terrible Canadian kids flick Gooby, and a Chinese action blunder starring Matt Damon. Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinemabysmal/id1153464020?mt=2

Google Play Music – https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal

Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=128435&refid=asa

Spreaker – http://www.spreaker.com/show/cinemabysmals-show

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search for CinemAbysmal.

Justice League Pulls Apart Boxes

…is the headline Lois Lane must write after this movie is over. That’s literally what this movie is about by the way. Pullin’ apart them boxes. This is why we need super heroes guys.

uybmnef1nha4xqbvbqty

Wonder Woman was amazing, right? Remember how good it felt walking out of the theater for it? Thinking okay, I guess DC can make good movies, they just have chosen not to make good ones up until now (with the exception of the Dark Knight series of course).

I’m not sure what exactly was unsavory about this movie. Was it husky Batman? The forced humor between super heroes with no chemistry? The robbing of Clark Kent’s grave? Superman’s fucked up face? Or maybe it was the fact that the heroes spent the entire movie trying to keep three boxes apart, only to essentially GIVE the last box to our villain, then spent the last half of the movie trying to rip said boxes apart. Cool. Boxes.

Justice-League-Movie-Mother-Boxes-at-SDCC-2017

The movie wasn’t ALL bad though and I don’t think it deserves the rotten tomato score it was given. I’d at least put it at 50%. There were some funny parts, and of course Wonder Woman was there so hey it wasn’t all bad.

Let’s plot summarize and here’s some spoilers so watch out.

Some kids are taking a cell phone video of Superman after he’s saved some people. He looks weird. Is this a video game? No it’s real life. The kids ask Superman some questions and something is off. What is it? I know…it’s his face. Why is his face so fucked up (more on that later).

This video was taken awhile ago because of course (I honestly forgot) Superman died in Batman vs Superman. I couldn’t tell you how or why but I know Husky Batman blames himself for it. He’s on a roof doing his vigilante thing when electronic wasp men from another dimension pop up out of nowhere. Batman is able to kill the wasp and it leaves behind an imprint of three boxes?  I use a question mark here because I’m honestly not entirely sure what happens only that Batman has been tracking the three boxes for some reason and I don’t really know I’m bored even explaining it so let’s move on.

Let’s go back to our happy place on Wonder Women’s Amazonian island. The kick ass women warriors are guarding a box (oh boy boxes!) and then it cracks and a crazy man comes through who’s very tall and controls the wasp people. The women put up a 20 minute awesome fight to save the box from being taken but they lose, and lots of people die. It’s the best scene of the movie though so nice job.

The tall evil man, let’s just call him Steppenwolf because that’s his name, rages about some ‘mother’ and the boxes. He takes off and the amazonians light a signal on Earth to warn Diana aka Wonder Woman that this box guy is coming for them.

justice-league-movie-villain-steppenwolf

Meanwhile Husky Batman is trying to get a gang together to fight Steppenwolf. He goes to find Aquaman in a remote sea village by riding a donkey. I mean I feel like there are better ways to get there, but you just do you Husky Batman. Aquaman is like, you dress like a bat and have no super powers, I will absolutely not fight with you. Then Husky Batman goes to find Flash, and Flash is like, you dress like a bat and have no super powers? I am IN. SO IN.

Then we have the Cyborg because diversity. Even though half of his black skin is covered in shiny metal, we care about diversity, okay guys? Cyborg is like no thanks, but then Wonder Woman is like, do it, join our gang and he says okay because no one can say no to Wonder Woman. So now we have the Justice League. But wait, we are missing SUPERMAN. Oh yeah he’s dead.

cyborg

Lois Lane is super unhappy about it, and whines on her lunch break with Clark’s Mom. Clark’s Mom is like Clark always said you were so thirsty. Blow job joke, nice. Everyone is sad that Superman is gone though and hate crimes are up and people are mean. There’s neo-nazis cursing out Muslim women in slow motion as crates of fruit fly around the screen (I wish I was making this up) and if only we bring Superman back we can get rid of this box guy once and for all.

Meanwhile, box guy has two of the three boxes. Remember how the Amazonian women put up a kick ass fight to stop him from stealing their box? Well the Aquaman people get thrown against some coral and give up in about five seconds. So now he has two boxes. The last box the Justice League has retrieved and this guy can’t destroy the world without the third one so of course they keep it safe and hidden right?

WRONG! So Flash and Cyborg dig up Clark’s gave, bring his coffin to where his space ship is in Metropolis, throw him in the spaceship water and then throw the third box in with him. There’s some theory to this but I couldn’t pay attention so just know that Flash charges the box, which charges the space ship, which in turn somehow brings Superman back. Superman gets pissed, fights everyone and in the meantime THE THIRD BOX IS STOLEN FOR ULTIMATE WORLD DOMINATION. You guys had one job…

Superman see’s Lois and calms his tits and flies them back to his corn farm in Smallville. He gets all Gladiator and strokes his wheat, I mean corn, for a bit. Then he’s like, “Well better go fight crime”, and the audience is like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE. WHY IS IT SO WEIRD LOOKING ( more on that later I swear).

2b4000e4-5962-4c9a-a5e4-9b730b249392-screen-shot-2017-10-08-at-102845-am

So Justice League goes to this small town in Russia that Cyborg finds with his computer skills. Apparently box man is there, and Husky Batman suddenly speaks up that the town has nuclear reactors so of course box man is there. Nothing makes sense. Also apparently Husky Batman can just pull random facts about small Russian towns out of his Husky butthole now.

They go to the town, save a small family we’ve been forced to follow the entire movie. Spoiler, they live. Also, who cares. Luckily Justice League is able to stop box man by pulling his boxes apart. Nice job Justice League. There’s an after credits scene though where they’re bringing back Lex Luthor so if you hated him (and I would go by the critic and fan reviews that we ALL HATED HIM) then get ready for some more shitty shit.

Okay are you ready to hear about Superman’s fucked up face? So after the movie I googled it thinking, “Henry Cavill knew that this movie was going to suck and refused to be in it so they digitized his face right?” NOPE. They had to do a bunch of reshoots (apparently every scene Superman was in), but by this time Henry had grown a mustache for another movie and he was NOT SHAVING THAT SHIT OFF. So they said fine. We will film you with a mustache and edit it in post. Which is hilarious, because it looks awful and really just adds to the shitiness of this movie.

More Wonder Woman movies plz. k thanks. Bye.

Superman-Justice-League-Henry-Cavill-Mustache-970x545

 

JUST F ALREADY PODCAST – EPISODE 2: CLUB SHADOWLANDS BY CHERISE SINCLAIR

image3.JPG

Welcome to the 2nd episode of  CinemAbysmal Radio produced “Just F Already”! Or as we like to call it, but the podcast world won’t let us, Just Fuck Already! Holly Hill and Yoli Banos get together once a month to discuss a trashy romance book and get a lot R-rated with you.

In this episode, Holly and Yoli get a little Just Feminist Already, delving straight into a BDSM club book, talking about consent and also how you should ALWAYS make sure people have washed their hands before their fingers enter your body.

As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

51b8l-aP5ILHolly-Yeah-well-we-went

 

Spreaker – https://www.spreaker.com/user/9227539/02-club-shadowlands-by-cherise-sinclairhttps://www.spreaker.com/JustFAlready

iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/just-f-already/id1294125447?mt=2 

Google Play Music – https://playmusic.app.goo.gl/?ibi=com.google.PlayMusic&isi=691797987&ius=googleplaymusic&link=https://play.google.com/music/m/Ig34l6snbq6niwu2zwxefazejfq?t%3DJust_F_Already%26pcampaignid%3DMKT-na-all-co-pr-mu-pod-16

Stitcher –  https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/just-f-already 

Spreaker – https://www.spreaker.com/user/9227539/02-club-shadowlands-by-cherise-sinclairhttps://www.spreaker.com/JustFAlready

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 20: Spice World and SClub7: Back to the 50s

Well, here we are. The 20th(!) episode of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where the three writers of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we discuss two films from the 1990s, involving two musical groups created by every husband and boyfriend’s least favorite person: Simon Fuller. There’s Spice World, and an SClub7 movie, that is very near the top of the worst we’ve watched so far. Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinemabysmal/id1153464020?mt=2

Google Play Music – https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal

Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=128435&refid=asa

Spreaker – http://www.spreaker.com/show/cinemabysmals-show

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search for CinemAbysmal.

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME TWENTY-THREE S01: E23: THE NANA

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME TWENTY-THREE: S01: E23: THE NANA

oc2

The O.C. Sundays – Volume Twenty-Three – Season One: Episode Twenty-Three: The Nana

Recap by Holly Hill

returnofthenana.jpg

Recap:

Luke and Ryan spend all night looking for Marissa who has disappeared in light of information about Luke and Julie. Seth blames Luke (obviously) and Luke says it was an accident.

Seth: Sorry did you accidentally sleep with Marissa’s Mom or did you accidentally tell Marissa about it?

Julie shows up and wants to know where Marissa is and Luke confesses that they all know and now Marissa knows to. Julie wants to talk to Ryan alone and asks if he knows where Marissa is. He says he doesn’t but Marissa called and left a message telling him she was safe but to not try to find her. Classic drama Marissa.

7.jpg

They boys discuss what to do next and head to the kitchen to find Hailey who they saved from the strip club the night before. As thanks she made them a large breakfast spread. Sandy comes in with a, “We have to get all the bread out of the house!” Apparently his mother is coming to visit for the Seder, and Sandy told her they do it at their house every year…even though they don’t.

Seth: I love when The Nana comes and suddenly Dad’s all Jewish again.

Seth goes to Summer’s house to see if she’s heard from Marissa. She has, but doesn’t know where she is, only that she’s okay. Summer desperately wants to meet The Nana, but Seth says she shouldn’t want to because Nana is scary, judgemental and political. Seth says he has to pick stuff up for the Seder and Summer gets schemey. Sandy is convinced that his mother is coming out to stage an intervention and put him back on the path of righteousness since now he’s left the public sector and isn’t helping poor people anymore.

Jimmy comes over to see how Hailey is doing and flirt with her. Who cares.

1x23-The-Nana-the-oc-12224330-500-375.jpg

“The front door is wide open. A person could walk in here, take everything, and kill us all.” Meet, The Nana, who has taken a cab from the airport and walked right in the door. She is lovely! And also none of the things Seth describe her as to Summer. Everyone is shocked and confused. Why isn’t Nana being terrible and full of opinions? Seth laments to Ryan that something is up because Kirsten and Nana don’t get along and now they suddenly are. Ryan suddenly knows where Marissa is.

0017e06190885a60479ec62cb20430cef4bcfd8d.jpg

Two people who don’t get along suddenly do? Marissa is at Theresa’s place in Chino. Eddie shows up and is pissed to find Ryan. Apparently it’s Theresa and Eddie’s engagement party. Marissa tells Ryan he’s wasting his time. She isn’t coming home. Boo-hoo eye roll.

1x23-The-Nana-the-oc-12225398-500-375.jpg

Eddie finds Ryan and tells him to get out and Ryan says he’s not leaving without Marissa. Ryan gets pushed to the ground and told to leave. MY GOD MARISSA WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DOING THIS TO RYAN. Ryan calls Julie to tell him Marissa is safe and she tells him to bring her home or she’ll call the cops and tell them Ryan is holding Marissa against her will. Marissa sees Ryan’s arm that has been hurt in the fall from one of Eddie’s guys.

Marissa: I’m sorry this is all my fault.

Yes. Yes it is Marissa. Now get in the car and go home so Ryan doesn’t get his ass beat because of you!

Back at the house The Nana is suddenly a bitch again and admits she came to visit to say goodbye because she has advanced lung cancer and only has a few more months left to live. Nana doesn’t want treatment and they fight about it. Summer practices for her Seder speech. Nana smokes because she don’t give AF. Sandy says he called her doctor and he says he can slow the cancer down. Seth overhears the conversation and he and Nana have a heart to heart stare down.

75565.jpg

Eddie and Ryan finally speak and Eddie forgives Ryan acknowledging that he is here for Marissa. Ryan says she doesn’t want him here though and Eddie disagrees. He says she went to the one place only he could find her. Meanwhile, Seth and Nana have a little pow-wow to discuss the possibility of Nana getting chemo. Luke shows up to talk to Marissa. Marissa slaps him in the face because obviously. Ryan semi-tricks Marissa into coming back with him telling her that if she stays there it will be too hard on him. Honestly, the dude is just trying to not have Julie Cooper throw him in jail.

Back at The Cohen’s Sandy and The Nana talk it over and she agrees to get treatment. Ryan brings Marissa back to her Mom’s. Julie answers the door and Marissa says she’s just there to get her stuff and go, threatening to tell everyone about Julie and Luke if her Mom stops her. Jimmy and Hailey talk about starting a relationship together, but not telling anyone just yet. Ryan shows up with Marissa and Summer leads the Seder and everyone has a happy ending.

Sandy: How was everything at home?

Ryan: You tell me, I was in chino.

OMG stop it you guys.

Best Song of the Episode:

“Float On” by Modest Mouse

Best Quote:

Seth: What’s the GP RA?

Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.

Seth: Game Plan, Ryan Atwood.

Ryan: You’re just using initials now?

Seth: Yeah, they save time.

Ryan: Well not if you have to translate them.

Seth: GP.

Ryan: Game plan?

Seth: Good point.

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

We are back in Chino and while all the main speaking roles for Mexicans look practically white there are a few extras that definitely are not white. They won’t have any speaking roles though.

Weird 2004 thing:

While waiting for Marissa to call, Seth falls asleep with his cell phone and the home phone. Back when people had two phone numbers…..

Best Fashion Statement:

What is this shirt?

1x23-The-Nana-the-oc-12225353-500-375 (1).jpg