Author: hollishillis

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E05: EASTWATCH

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E05: EASTWATCH

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Five: Eastwatch

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Okay first off, don’t name an episode Eastwatch, tell us a great battle is going to take place there via the flames The Hound sees, and then not give us a big battle at Eastwatch. Also, let’s assume that this episode takes place over several months because holy shit there is a lot of time traveling of characters here.

Jaime and Bron survive the dragon attack, yippie. Jamie heads back to King’s Landing and he wants to convince Cersei to surrender after realizing that Daenerys has THREE dragons and he just saw the damage one could do. He heads back to King’s Landing to tell Cersei that they can’t win, but she’s in so over her head at this point giving up would actually be the crazy thing to do. The best bit of this scene is Jaime telling Cersei that Olenna killed Joffrey. The classic stone cold bitch face Cersei gave was epic.

At the remnants of the battle, Lannister men are left to bend the knee or be killed. Sam Tarly’s father and his brother refuse, so Dany burns them alive. Quickly, the rest bend the knee. Tyrion and Varys aren’t sure that was the right move on her part, but I think it was and I agree with it. Sam’s dad is a dick anyway, and now Sam’s officially Lord of The Reach so that worked out.

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Back in Old Town, Slughorn doesn’t want to tell Sam that his brother and Dad are dead, and Sam bounces out of Old Town with Gilly and little Sam and fuck ton of stolen books about White Walkers before he can. Sam is tired of the Maesters not listening to him about the Army of the Dead dangers so he peaces out. Also, he seems to not be able to stand another conversation with Gilly, who has learned to read, and is full of nonsense facts. Oh, except for the fact that she finds out that Rhaegar and Lyanna’s marriage was in fact legal because Rhaegar was granted an annulment to his previous marriage from a maester. Kind of a big deal. PAY ATTENTION SAM.

Bran (3EB) takes over the body of a raven to fly beyond Eastwatch. He see’s the army of the dead. Spoiler: it’s a lot of people. The only thing that’s going to kill them at this point is lots of dragon fire. Lots of it. 3EB has Sansa send a message to Jon about what he has seen.

Dany flies back to Dragonstone, landing in front of Jon hoping to impress him with her dragon. Amazingly, Drogon (who by the way has survived the spear in the side) lets Jon touch him. It’s that Targaryen blood baby! Dany is more than a little turned on.

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They go inside and Jon gets Sansa’s letter (he takes a moment to be happy that Arya is alive, yay!). Jon says he has to leave and fight the White Walkers. Dany is reluctant to lend help because the second she heads North, Cersei will take the country over. Tyrion thinks that if they can bring back one soldier from the Army of the Dead, then she will create some sort of truce to let Dany fight them and maybe surrender in turn? I’m sorry, have you met Cersei? That bitch isn’t surrendering to ANYONE. She would rather watch an Army of the Dead burn the entire world down than do that. Come on you guys. This is kind of a worthless mission. Tyrion says that the only person Cersei listens to is Jaime and if he can get Jaime to convince Cersei to agree to have them bring a White Walker in, all their problems will be solved. Right. Okay.

In more bad news at Winterfell, Arya thinks she is being sneaky and tailing Petyr. She finds a scroll he has hidden and it looks like it’s from Sansa to Robb. The letter that Cersei forced her to write telling Robb to bend the knee a long ass time ago. Not sure what Arya makes of this information, but she’s onto Littlefinger. Oh except Littlefinger is playing her like a fucking fiddle. He planted the evidence and watches her find it. He is trying to create a rift between the sisters and my anxiety about this is HIGH. SUPER HIGH. Arya already confronted Sansa earlier saying that she sees Sansa is hoping Jon won’t come back and that she will get to stay Lady of Winterfell. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

Davos takes Tyrion to King’s Landing (everyone is traveling A LOT right now, VERY quickly so just ignore that otherwise the entire thing will drive you crazy). Tyrion gets Bronn to set up a meeting in the Catacombs with Jaime while Tyrion tells him his plan. Tyrion tells Jaime that Dany will win the war, but she’s willing to suspend hostilities if Cersei will let them bring a dead/alive zombie thing to her. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? Jaime goes up to tell Cersei about the meeting but she already knows about it (oh snap). Jaime tells Cersei about the dead men and the armistice, but Cersei just laughs and tells Jaime that she’s pregnant with his baby so now they need to fight for the baby. Jaime for some reason is charmed by this and seems to concede with Cersei who says that he better never betray her again. Davos goes to find good old Gentry Water’s, Robert Baratheon’s bastard son who he last saw rowing away after he helped him escape the Red Woman. Gendry’s weapon of choice is a giant hammer and he kills two Lannisters on the way out of town with Davos and Tyrion in tow.

At Dragonstone, Jorah shows up and is super friendzoned again. Once he sees his new competition in Jon he sadly gives up once more. Dany doesn’t want Jon to go, but doesn’t say it out loud. It’s just super obvious. Even Tyrion sees it. Jon kind of is into it but he’s too busy brooding about White Walkers so he takes off with Jorah, Davos, and Gendry to Eastwatch.They are going to kidnap a White Walker to convince Cersei (good luck with that!) to stop fighting for a bit while they save Westeros from an Army of the Dead. Jon and Gendry meet and bromance it up, thrilled to meet each other since they knew each other’s father’s. Gendry essentially is like, “Hey bro we’re both bastards, our dads are both dead, let’s be best friends and kill some White Walkers”. At Eastwatch, Jon, Thoros, Bedric, The Hound, Tormund, Gendry, Davos and Jorah all go beyond the wall to get themselves a zombie. It’s a pretty impressive group actually and they might just have a shot.

Best quotes this week:

  • Davos: Bad things are coming

Gendry: You came to get me. You want me to come with you

Davos: Well, the thing you need to understand is…..

Gendry: I’m ready, let’s go

  • Jon: If I don’t return at least you won’t have to deal with the King of the North anymore

Dany: I’ve grown used to him

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME SIXTEEN: S01: E16 – THE LINKS

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME SIXTEEN: S01: E16 – THE LINKS

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The O.C. Sundays – Volume Sixteen – Season One: Episode Sixteen – The Links

Recap by Holly Hill

Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.

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Recap:

This photo above is just everything. I mean REALLY Marissa? Is she so damn blind that she thinks Oliver just wants to be her friend?

Oliver shows up at Marissa’s Dad’s place. Is anyone going to ask how Oliver knew where she lived?

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Marissa doesn’t seem to care and is just worried Oliver might think she’s poor because her Dad’s place is a really nice apartment in Newport rather than a gigantic mansion in Newport. Oliver apologizes for trying to buy coke and says it was his rock bottom, he called his parents and came clean and also his sponsor. He’s gonna go to meetings again and he was honest with Natalie and they’re getting back together (uh-huh). Oliver wants to say thanks to Ryan helping him out so he invites Marissa and Ryan and all their friends to go golfing in Palm Springs at his parent’s place (which they definitely own, uh-huh). Oliver promises that his parents and Natalie will be there. Marissa calls Ryan to ask if he wants to go and while she’s gone Oliver puts a photo of Marissa and Ryan behind another one because he can’t stand to look at it. Okay psycho.

In the backyard at the Cohen’s, Sandy is teaching Ryan how to golf and it turns out he’s awful at it. Ryan is clearly not digging the idea of this weekend at Olivers. Kirsten and Sandy wonder if they can trust Oliver, but Sandy says they trust their kids and since Oliver’s parents are supposed to be there it’s all good right? Besides they have bigger things to worry about. Julie and Caleb are back from Europe today.

Sandy: After confirming all of Europe’s worst suspicions about Americans, I guess.

Kirsten says that she assumes this homecoming also means that Hailey will hit her Dad up for some cash and then take off again. Sandy runs into Jimmy who has just been turned down at a job interview for some crab shack looking restaurant. Sandy says he has to go to dinner with Caleb, Hailey, Julie and he and Kirsten tonight because they’re going to the Lighthouse, a fancy yet delicious restaurant that is about to close down. Jimmy says he’s probably going to leave town and Sandy says he will see if he can get him an unglamorous job at his work. Later, Sandy tries to talk to his boss about getting Jimmy a job, but his boss is like ‘fuck no’. He says that if Sandy likes Jimmy Cooper so much maybe he should go into business with him.

Summer says she sarcastically can’t wait to join them in Palm Springs for Couplefest 2004. Marissa and Ryan, Oliver and Natalie, Anna and what’s-his-face-Cohen. Summer says she has to go to prove that she’s cool with them just being friends.

Summer: And I can’t sabotage the trip if I’m not there.

Don’t worry Summer, Oliver will do that for you. Ryan voices his fears about Oliver to Marissa who says not to worry because NATALIE will be there, and Oliver just wants to be her FRIEND. Seth and Anna are ‘being cute’ in Seth’s room until Summer comes in and cock blocks the day. Luke is packing up the beer in the back of the truck and Summer takes the moment to give Seth some shit in front of Anna.

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Luke makes an attempt to hit on Summer and her response is as follows:

Then Oliver shows up and he’s upset because he and Natalie broke up. Marissa says that he and her should talk it over together on the ride over to Palm Springs. Because they’re such good friends. Anna, Seth and Ryan take a car, Ryan hops in with Luke, and Marissa and Oliver head out together. Ryan is getting a little fucking pissed off.

Meanwhile, Caleb and Julie show up early and Caleb is thrilled when he finds out Hailey is back. Julie, less so.

Ryan and Luke show up at the house to find Marissa and Oliver on the couch a little too close together, still talking about Oliver’s break up. Ryan says they tried following them but it was hard to keep up. Someone is trying to ditch Ryan.

Oliver: Sorry for taking your girlfriend away from you, but don’t worry she’s all yours.

Ryan: I wasn’t worried.

COME ON MARISSA. Do you really think he’s not into you? Ryan asks where Oliver’s parents are and he says their plane got delayed in Zurich so they aren’t going to make it. How convenient. He puts Marissa and Ryan up in a room with two twin beds. So thoughtful. Oliver mentions to Ryan privately that he knows all about the Marissa and Luke saga and Marissa told him all about his background from Chino. Ryan obviously doesn’t like that. Oliver is clearly poking the bear.

Oliver: Just that you’re so well adjusted….considering.

Ryan: Considering…

Considering Ryan wants to punch his fucking face. On the golf course, Oliver touches Marissa inappropriately while teaching her to golf. Oliver keeps nagging Ryan about his bad golf game to the point where even Luke wants to punch him. Oliver asks Marissa if he’s being to mean, because all he wants is to be friends with Ryan. Marissa takes the bait as if it’s Ryan’s fault they aren’t getting along. Stupid idiot white girl. Oliver says the last guy back to the house buys the first round as he hops in a golf cart with Marissa, Ryan and Luke take off in the other and Ryan is determined to win. Oliver gets a little intense in a game of chicken and Ryan crashes the car. He asks Oliver what the hell his problem is.

Oliver: I thought we were just joking.

Ryan: Nice joke man, come down here and tell me another one.

Marissa says he was just playing, and Luke privately tells Ryan that he doesn’t think Oliver was joking either.

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Before dinner, Sandy tells Kirsten that he thinks Jimmy’s best bet is to start over somewhere new and he and Jimmy will discuss his options over dinner tonight, just the two of them. Kirsten has a talk with Caleb about not giving Hailey money because she’s worried that Hailey will disappear again. Hailey finds out and freaks out on Kirsten. Hailey packs up and leaves, taking off. Jimmy and Sandy go to dinner at the Lighthouse by themselves and over alcohol they decide that they will buy the restaurant and turn it around. Jimmy used to manage and work at the place so why not just go into business together? Sandy comes home really drunk and tries to be stealthy, but fails miserably. Sandy tells her the good news about the restaurant. Kirsten tells Sandy he’s crazy and drunk, but he supports him. Gawsh they’re cute. Whatever happened to that coworker Rachel that was trying to bone him? It’s forgotten? Okay.

That night, Seth and Anna try to get it on a bit, but Summer comes in and interrupts. She says she hoped it was a weekend they could all hang out as friends. She guilts them into hanging out with her. They make quirky cute witty banter about the tv shows until Summer says they are so cute. Just like brother and sister. Then leaves them to not touch each other the rest of the night. Ryan cleans up the kitchen and Oliver comes in to help. Oliver asks if they can start over their relationship. He asks what he can do to make things right with Ryan.

OH SNAP. Oliver freaks out and breaks a plate, losing his fucking mind. He starts hitting himself in the head like real crazy person. Marissa comes in, in her bikini and asks what happened. Oliver freaks out and says he’s gonna get some fresh air. Marissa turns on Ryan as if this freak out is his fucking fault. Marissa stays up waiting for Oliver to come home like a sad girlfriend. Oliver calls Marissa and says he drove back to Newport and took a bunch of pills. Marissa tells him to call an ambulance and he says he’ll try to throw up the pills. But mostly he wants her to come back to Newport because he’s scared. Marissa says she’s leaving right now. Wow he’s got her wrapped around her finger.

Ryan and Marissa drive back and Marissa frantically tries to call Oliver. Then the best scene ever happens. It cuts from Marissa freaking out, to Oliver dancing around the room, creating a scene of pills and devastation as he sips a scotch and dances around to “It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones while staring at at the phone as Marissa calls and calls. Holy shit he’s a fucking insane person. Marissa and Ryan make it back and are banging on his door. Marissa tells Ryan to call security and the second he leaves, as if Oliver was just waiting for that to happen, he opens the door. He’s showered and walking around saying he got all the pills out of his system. RIGHT. Ryan says they should take him to the emergency room, trying to call Oliver’s bluff. Oliver says then he’ll be under suicide watch and they’ll call his parents, which Ryan clearly doesn’t think is a bad thing.

Oliver is getting ready for bed and Marissa tells Ryan she’s staying with Oliver tonight. Ryan tells her his theory that Oliver didn’t actually try to kill himself. Marissa freaks out. Ryan asks what kind of person does this? And Marissa tells Ryan to go, because she thinks it’s a jab at her. Oliver comes in and apologizes confirming Marissa’s thoughts that Ryan is the jerk here. Ryan leaves, but the last scene is of him looking like he wants to punch a fucking wall.

Best Song of the Episode:

“It’s not unusual” by Tom Jones

Best Quote:

Sandy: We’ll have a nice meal and a couple of drinks , and talk about Jimmy’s next move.

Kirsten: Alcohol — yes inspired.

Sandy; How do you think I got you to marry me?

Caleb (walks in): So you were drunk! That explains everything, Kiki.

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

They’re in Palm Springs so that’s a huge hell no to non-white people showing up.

Weird 2004 thing:

Seth and Anna are bummed that McDonald’s doesn’t serve egg McMuffins past 10:30am. WElCOME TO 2017 SETH COHEN! We got that shit on lock (at special locations)

Best Fashion Statement:

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Obvious Reasons to NOT trust Oliver Trask:

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  1. He knows who you are even though you have no friends or places in common
  2. He knows your medical history
  3. He lives in a hotel
  4. Anna says her parents know the parents of the guy who’s throwing the party, but she doesn’t know who Oliver is.
  5. He says his girlfriend lives long-distance so you’ll probably never get to meet her. Super convenient.
  6. He gives you ‘come make out with me’ eyes on new years even though he knows you have a boyfriend.
  7. His name isn’t on the list for backstage passes at the front door but he meets you in back to get you in
  8. His girlfriend Natalie never shows up when he says she will (spoiler, she doesn’t exist)
  9. He makes angry phone calls about cocaine then tries to buy some off an undercover cop and gets arrested
  10. He watches you and your friends creepily from outside your house.
  11. He says his parents and Natalie will be in Palm Springs, then they don’t show up
  12. He tries to run out off the golf course by causing you to die in a golf cart accident
  13. He breaks a plate and freaks out when you call him on his shit
  14. He fakes a suicide attempt so he can make sure he has your full attention

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E04: THE SPOILS OF WAR

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E04: THE SPOILS OF WAR

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Four: The Spoils of War

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Ummm…holy shit. Let’s get started because we have a lot to cover.

Cersei is talking with Tycho, the head of the Iron Bank, about her debt being paid ASAP. She says Jaime is gonna bring it soon and Tycho is a little sad because she no longer will owe anything to them. Cersei still needs a bigger army and weapons so Tycho tells her he can help her with an outside investment. Cersei mentions that Qyburn has made overtures to the Golden Company, a group of sellswords, in Essos. Essentially Cersei wants to hire the sellswords to help expand her military and take back certain regions, and Tycho pledges the Bank’s full support….as soon as he gets his money.

Petyr gives Three Eyed Bran the dagger that was almost used to assassinate him in season one after he saw Jaime and Cersei getting it on. Bran doesn’t really give a fuck about any of that shit though and as Petyr leaves, Meera enters. After her brother dies for him, and she drags his ass all over the seven fucking kingdoms and beyond she says she should probably go home now. Bran is like….yeah you do that. Meera is understandably a little pissed, but in a way understands. Bran died in that cave beyond the wall, and now he’s three eyed Bran. He’s seen so much shit that he can barely remember who he is. He is essentially 3EB, which is also the way the band Third Eye Blind like to spell their name sometimes so that’s kind of weird, but I’m gonna go with it from now on when we refer to Bran….I mean 3EB.

Arya shows up and it seems as if she will never get past the gates….SOMETHING will go wrong, but she makes her way down to the crypts after she tells some guards to tell Sansa she’s here. Sansa knows where to find her and they reunited amongst the bones of their dead father. It’s heartwarming, but also strange. Three of the Starks are back at Winterfell, together, and it should be a happy moment, but instead it feels off. They’ve all been through so much collectively that they aren’t the same people anymore. Even Jon has come back from the fucking dead. Sansa tells Arya that Bran is back, but he’s weird AF so watch out. Arya and Sansa meet with 3EB by the weirwood. 3EB gives Arya his valyrian steel dagger that once tried to kill him (nice, it can be used to kill white walkers!) and they have a weird conversation. Later, Arya spars with Brienne and is a formidable opponent. It’s pretty amazing. Sansa watches from afar, pretty disturbed that her sister is a killing machine and her brother is a fucking know it all zombie essentially. Petyr looks on wondering I’m sure how he can use Sansa’s unease to his advantage.

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Jon asks Daenerys to follow him into the cave full of valyrian steel and she looks as if she’s hoping he’ll show her his dick. No luck though as Jon shows her petroglyph’s in the cave depicting the first men (humans) and the children of the forest (those creepy creatures/children north of the wall also the first beings ever apparently) fighting together against the White Walkers. Jon’s like, “You want evidence that you need to help me, bitch? Well here it is!” Dany says she will help Jon fight them if he bends the knee. Omg Dany you’re all going to die, just let it go and help! Jon seems convinced though that it’s worth bending the knee if he can save his people. Prediction! Jon bends, the people are pissed, and this is how Littlefinger turns Jon’s men against him. Then of course Dany fights back with dragons and they all give up and kill Littlefinger (in my dreams).

When they emerge out of the ‘I wish we had had sex in there’ cave, Tyrion is around with more bad news about how his plan did not work. Dany is ready to go with her dragons and burn the Red Keep to the ground. She asks Jon what he thinks she should do, and he says that’s not the way and she kind of agrees. Maybe that’s not the right location she needs to strike.

Davos asks Jon what he thinks of Dany. Jon says she has a good heart, and Davos says he didn’t realize he was checking out her heart. Bow Chicka Wow Wow. It’s so happening. As they’re talking they see a Greyjoy ship approaching and they go down to the beach and Jon watching in disbelief as Theon disembarks the boat. Remember that Theon killed all his childhood friends at Winterfell when he took it, then he burned two innocent children making Jon think it was his brothers, and he essentially betrayed him. THEN of course, he also helped Sansa escape Ramsey’s clutches so Jon tells him that’s the only reason he’s not beating the shit out of him right now. Theon says he came to ask Dany to save his sister, and Jon says she’s not there. So where is she?

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Now it’s time for an epic unexpected battle…INVOLVING DRAGONS. It’s a weird battle though because for the first time since Blackwater Bay we have people we like (Bronn and Jaime) fighting against people we like (Dany, Dragons and Tyrion). Jaime is marching back with his men from conquering Highgarden. Bron still wants his castle and for some reason Jaime is being a dick about it. Unfortunately, the gold has gone ahead of them to King’s Landing and has arrived safely. Most of the army is gone, but Jaime and Bron are with the stragglers when they suddenly hear a fuck ton of hooves. They form the line like a normal battle as they see the Dothraki approach in great numbers. Where have these Dothraki been? Not to be a spoilsport, but Dragonstone is pretty small and I haven’t seen thousands of horses and Dothraki just roaming around.

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Anyway, Bronn is a bit worried, but he thinks they can take the Dothraki….until Dany shows up riding a dragon and Drokaris’ the shit out of them. Things are looking pretty smoky for the Lannister’s until Bron goes to find the Dragon slaying crossbow that miraculously has managed to not burn in a wagon. He points it at the sky and shoots the dragon in the chest. The dragon turns around and burns the crossbow to the ground, but has to land because its injured. Dany climbs off of it to take the arrow out of it and Jaime sees her vulnerable on the ground. Tyrion sees Jamie and tells him to ‘flee you idiot. You fucking idiot’ under his breath. He rides toward Dany instead with a spear ready to go. At the last moment, the dragon sees him and shoots fire at him, but someone (Bron?) pushes him off his horse and out of the way at the last moment. They fall into a small lake and the episode ends as we see Jaime sink to the bottom.

Is the dragon okay? Is Jaime okay? Is Bron okay? Will Dany kill the rest of the Lannisters? Will Tyrion vouch for his brother? Can they all just agree that Cersei is a cunt and get along? Most importantly, is the dragon okay?

Best quotes this week:

  • Sansa: You shouldn’t have run from the guards

Arya: I didn’t run, you need better guards.

  • Davos: What do you think of her [referring to Daenerys]

Jon: I think she has a good heart

Davos: A good heart? I’ve noticed you staring at her good heart

  • Brienne: You can’t use that my lady it’s too small

Arya: Don’t worry I won’t hurt you

Brienne: I’ll try not to

  • Jaime: Rickon.

Dickon: Dickon.

Bronn: *Laughs hysterically*

  • Bronn: Men shit themselves when they die. Didn’t they teach you that at fancy lad school?

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME FIFTEEN: S01: E15 – THE THIRD WHEEL

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME FIFTEEN: S01: E15 – THE THIRD WHEEL

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The O.C. Sundays – Volume Fifteen – Season One: Episode Fifteen – The Third Wheel

Recap by Holly Hill

Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.

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Recap:

Well now that Marissa and Ryan had their perfect New Year’s Eve kiss, everything should be fine from here on out right? WRONG. I mean the look on Ryan’s face in the picture above just shows how all of this shit with Oliver is going to continue to go down. Man I love it.

The episode opens with another great Cohen kitchen scene. Hailey is still around and she has disrupted everyone’s morning rituals. She eats the last of Sandy’s bagels, Ryan’s juice, Kirsten’s coffee, and is reading Seth’s favorite newspaper section.

They confer in another room about what to do with her because apparently she never leaves the house. Ryan fits in some Seth time before school. It’s been two weeks since New Years and Seth and Anna have been dating officially since then. They have decided to tell Summer about their relationship, but Seth is worried about hurting her feelings. Marissa comes in to interrupt and I’ll just leave the clip here because it’s pretty great.

Marissa and Ryan decide to take a night apart because they feel like they suddenly can’t do anything without each other. Seth and Anna are flirting at school, but suddenly stop when Summer comes in. Seth’s gotta figure this out.

Sandy and Jimmy are trying to figure out a job strategy for him when Hailey comes in. She is thrilled to see Jimmy again. Kirsten buys Sandy more bagels and for now everything is fixed. Jimmy and Hailey make plans to hang out the next night since they are in similar boats now. Sandy and Kirsten are thrilled to have the house to themselves for once.

After school Ryan runs into Luke whose tires have been slashed because he has a gay Dad. Man rich kids in The OC are SUPER homophobic. Ryan brings Luke home and he and Seth watch Luke play sports games on the playstation very intensely.

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Marissa calls Ryan from Oliver’s place. Apparently they ran into each other at therapy and Oliver asked if she wanted to hang out. Ryan isn’t super happy about this but he puts on a good a good face and asks if Luke and Seth want to go to Oliver’s house/hotel. Oliver starts undermining Ryan at every turn and he immediately does not like him. Luke and Seth like him right away. Rooney is playing in the background and Seth mentions they’re coming into town but tickets are sold out. Oliver says he knows the manager and he will get them all in tomorrow night. Ryan hates music and he especially hates live music but he’s in because he doesn’t trust Oliver alone with his girlfriend because he is obviously insane and no one else seems to know it.

The next night Sandy listens to Rooney and rocks out in Seth’s room, approving them going. Kirsten was worried they were a devil worshiper band, but it’s all good now. Seth is embarrassed, and he tells Sandy that it’s his first date with Anna tonight. Sandy asks if he’s told Summer yet and he says no. Sandy tells him to get on it.

Ryan asks if Natalie, Oliver’s girlfriend, is going to be there tonight and Marissa says she should be. Uh-huh. They try to get in but Oliver’s name isn’t on the list and Marissa can’t find him. Then Summer shows up and Anna and Seth have to stop flirting and shit is getting awkward. Ryan immediately is giving looks of ‘Oliver lied to us’. They pass by the back door as the walk to their car and Oliver comes out and gets them all in for free. He and Natalie apparently had a fight so she won’t be there tonight. How convenient.

With Hailey and Jimmy out of the house, Sandy and Kirsten plan some alone time, but then are shocked to find the two of them on their couch watching Golden Girls, eating pizza, and playing board games. Sandy’s face is priceless. The man gets cockblocked, like, every episode.

Oliver goes outside makes an angry phone call that sounds like he’s wondering where the drugs are. Oliver takes Marissa’s hand while she is clearly hanging out with Ryan and leads her towards the front leaving Ryan to maneuver through the crowd by himself. Backstage, Anna asks Seth to tell Summer that they are dating now. Seth fails to tell Summer so Anna takes Summer to the bathroom to tell her. Summer starts singing the intro to the Golden Girls and Anna and her bond over it. This makes it harder for Anna to tell Summer so she doesn’t. Meanwhile, Seth and Luke are enjoying the band.

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At the house, Sandy is looking like he wants to shoot himself as they go through another round of connect four. Hailey starts in on her father’s company, that Kirsten practically runs. Sandy loses it and tells Hailey that she’s living in their house, insulting his family, and his wife. He also tells her she’s driving their entire family crazy. He really lost it at the bagels. Hailey throws the board game on the ground like a child and storms off. Truth hurts. Hailey apologies to Jimmy as he’s leaving and they make out on the porch. Jimmy says that she’s lucky she has Kirsten and Sandy looking out for her, and suggests they don’t make out again. Okay, weirdo.

Ryan finally pulls Marissa away from Oliver who is not happy and looking like he needs of fix of something soon. He’s got those psycho eyes. Ryan goes and makes out with Marissa who is upset they’re missing the concert. Marissa says they can’t ditch Oliver and she tells Ryan that since he didn’t want to come here tonight he can leave. He goes outside to find Oliver in a fight with a guy. Ryan steps in, but the guy is an undercover cop who says that Oliver just tried to buy two grams of coke from him. Ryan goes back inside and takes Seth’s phone and keys. He goes to the police station and calls Sandy for help.

Seth asks Anna if he told Summer, who overhears and asks what she was supposed to tell her. Seth and Anna take Summer backstage and break the news that they are dating. Summer seems to take it pretty well and Seth and Anna ask if Summer still wants to hang out with them. She gets in cock block mode pretty hard core. It’s great. I’d say Summer is actually upset.

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Ryan does Oliver a solid and Sandy gets him out of jail on no charges. Oliver asks why he helped him when the reason he freaked out was because the mysterious Natalie didn’t show and he saw Ryan and Marissa together and they looked so happy. Warning sign much? Ryan gives Oliver the benefit of the doubt after Oliver says he has no one.

Ryan: “Well there’s Marissa. Seth likes your taste in music and Luke pretty much likes everybody at this point.”

Olive: “And what about you? You must like me a little to get me out of jail.”

Ryan: “That was Sandy.”

Burn. Ryan’s phone rings and it’s Marissa. Oliver asks if he’s going to tell her and Ryan says ‘No, you are.’ and hands him the phone. Later that night Sandy is happily making himself a bagel. He goes to get the cream cheese and there is Hailey, touching his bagel. Sandy kind of freaks and Hailey asks if she can have half. Hailey says she hasn’t been the best guest and she says that what Sandy said tonight was right. They make up and Sandy gives her half his bagel.

Marissa stops by to thank Ryan. Ryan starts to say Oliver isn’t a bad guy and Marissa says she doesn’t want to talk about Oliver now. They make out and Anna, Summer, Seth, and Luke stop in and ask if they want to play video games. They all go into the living room and have a good time, then the camera pans out and Oliver is staring at them all through the window. FREAK.

Best Song of the Episode:

“I’m Shakin’” by Rooney

I remember watching this episode, becoming immediately obsessed with Rooney, and buying their album. Great song, great album. Thanks to The OC they managed to make it fairly big because they were relatively unknown until this episode aired.

Best Quote:

Kirsten: She’s got nowhere else to go. (referring to Hailey)

Ryan: That’s because all her friends want to kick her ass….sorry about the language.

Sandy: Why? I’d like to kick her ass.

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

This is like the fourth episode a in a row with zero ethnic people. It’s kind of bad.

Weird 2003 thing:

Sandy mentions TiVo. Something that only VERY rich people had back in 2003. Now it’s fairly common place but I think they mentioned they have it just to prove how rich they were.

Best Fashion Statement:

Marissa’s “I’m a punk rocker” outfit.

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Obvious Reasons to NOT trust Oliver Trask:

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  1. He knows who you are even though you have no friend or places in common
  2. He knows your medical history
  3. He lives in a hotel
  4. Anna says her parents know the parents of the guy who’s throwing the party, but she doesn’t know who Oliver is.
  5. He says his girlfriend lives long-distance so you’ll probably never get to meet her. Super convenient.
  6. He give you ‘come make out with me’ eyes on new years even though he knows you have a boyfriend.
  7. His name isn’t on the list for backstage passes at the front door but he meets you in back to get you in
  8. His girlfriend Natalie never shows up when he says she will (spoiler, she doesn’t exist)
  9. He makes angry phone calls about cocaine then tries to buy some off an undercover cop
  10. He watches you and your friends creepily from outside your house.

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E03: THE QUEEN’S JUSTICE

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E03: THE QUEEN’S JUSTICE

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Three: The Queen’s Justice

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

When I first saw that this week’s episode was called The Queen’s Justice, I assumed that meant Daenerys’ justice. Turns out it’s Cersei’s justice, and this show can still pack some surprises.

When Daenerys and Tyrion came up with the idea of sending troops to Casterly Rock and to King’s Landing it seemed brilliant. Starve out Cersei, and destroy her home. Turns out Yara’s ships were burned, with her and Ellaria Sand and her daughter taken captive before they could reach King’s Landing. Then it turns out that the Lannister’s LET Daenerys take Casterly Rock, for now, and sent most of their troops to destroy Highgarden.

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That’s a good fucking move on the Lannister’s part. Grey Worm is stuck at Casterly Rock after the Lannister’s let him take it, but they burn all of their ships so they’re stuck. After Jaime takes Highgarden he offers Olenna some poison. After figuring out that the poison will be painless she downs that shit immediately like bad ass bitch, then tells Jaime she killed Joffrey. Fucking SAVAGE AF. In a way she gave Jaime a gift though. Jaime always felt that Tyrion didn’t kill Joffrey but he was never 100% sure. Now he knows that he let an innocent man live. There’s something to that.

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Jon Snow shows up with Davos and is like ‘hey magical mythical ice kings are coming to kill us all’ and surprisingly Daenerys doesn’t take him that seriously. They do a lot of eye fucking though and I’m confirming my prediction now that this Aunt will marry her Nephew. So what? All the Targaryen’s inbreed. Totally normal for them. In the end, Tyrion convinces Daenarys to let Jon mine dragonglass and make weapons from it. She’s gonna keep looking south (for now).

The Red Woman and Varys exchange words. Varys finds it interesting that she summoned Jon to Dragonstone, but then didn’t stay to greet him. The Red Woman doesn’t really care and leaves for Essos while telling Varys that she will be back. Apparently she has to die in Westeros and he will too. Varys doesn’t like that, but I think we are all glad to see the Red Woman go. I’m sure she’ll pop up again when we least expect her to.

Theon is saved by one of the few ships that escaped Euron. They aren’t happy that he is alive and Yara is gone and probably dead. Cersei promises to marry Euron because he brought her the gift of the woman who killed her daughter. Yara is alive and a captive of Euron’s while Cersei takes Ellaria and her daughter down to the dungeons. She kisses the daughter with the same poison Ellaria used on Myrcella. Cersei takes the antidote and tells Ellaria she can now watch her own daughter die. She’s going to make Ellaria stay down there forever with her daughter’s corpse. That’s some justice right there. I don’t agree with Cersei’s decisions on almost anything, but this shit was good. Myrcella was an innocent…and Ellaria was the worst. I approve.

The Iron bank stops by to collect its debt from the Lannisters. Cersei asks that the head of the Iron Bank stay as her guest and in a fortnight she will have his money (see the above mention of Jaime taking Highgarden aka the people who have all money).

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At Winterfell, Bran shows up and instead of a happy reunion with Sansa he brings up the night of her wedding to Ramsey, which he saw in a three eyed raven vision. Not exactly the brotherly love she was looking for, Bran. Bran says he needs to talk to Jon (about how he’s a Targaryen, essentially). Sansa is like….you sound crazy. Because he does. He’s the three eyed raven now, which means you apparently can’t tell anyone anything about what that means. Seems pretty simple to explain Bran, you see the past, present and future. Just say that and maybe don’t bring up the most traumatic night of your sister’s life. Sheesh.

Sam cures Jorah of his Grayscale and his reward is to copy old scrolls. Better than emptying chamber pots. Jorah goes off to find his favorite Queen who has friendzoned him into the hardest farthest reaches of the friendzone.

That’s the episode. Best one of the season so far. Would love more like it!

Best quotes this week:

Messandi: You stand before Daenerys Targaryen…..[insert all 7 million titles].

Davos: This is Jon Snow…….he’s King of the North.

Next time I need a hype man to introduce me into an arena of sorts, I’m calling Davos.

 

Tyrion: She’s much smarter than she lets on [talking about Sansa]

Jon: She’s been letting on.

 

Olenna: He was really a cunt wasn’t he? I’d hate to die like your son, clawing at my neck, eyes blood red, skin purple. Must have been terrible for you. A shocking scene. Not at all what I intended. Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.

 

Tyrion: I came down here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You’re making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I’m failing at brooding over failing.

 

Tyrion: A wise man once said that you should never believe things simply because you want to believe it.

Daenerys: Which wise man said this?

Tyrion: I don’t remember.

Daenerys: Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME FOURTEEN: S01: E14 – THE COUNTDOWN

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME FOURTEEN: S01: E14 – THE COUNTDOWN

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The O.C. Sundays – Volume Fourteen – Season One: Episode Fourteen – The Countdown

Recap by Holly Hill

Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.

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Recap:

Now that Marissa is in therapy, Ryan is under the impression that everything is normal and fine now. Oh Ryan, you poor delusional man. Nothing is ever okay when you’re dating Marissa Cooper. They decide to stay in for New Years (It’s almost 2004, yo!), and Ryan ends the night with a oopsie.

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Marissa: “Uh…you’re welcome?”

Ryan goes back to the pool house to find a half naked women he’s never seen before who demands to know who he is. She tells him that this is her pool house and he says actually it’s his. Ryan guesses that she is Kirsten’s younger sister Hailey. Hailey says Kirsten doesn’t know she’s here and they’ll sort it out in the morning, but for now Ryan can sleep on the couch.

In the morning, Seth finds Ryan on the couch and he tells him Hailey is here. Seth is thrilled and goes to ask his parents in kitchen where Hailey is.

Kirsten: “I don’t know, Thailand, Morocco?”

Sandy: “I think she’s planting trees in Tacoma.”

Kirsten: “Costa Rica building churches.”

Sandy: “I think that was Nicaragua and they were hospitals.”

Seth: “She’s in the pool house.”

Once Ryan comes in from the couch Kirsten realizes they’re not joking she starts to wonder why Hailey would be here. Sandy says she’s run out of money. Hailey then enters in her underwear.

Seth: “Aunt Hailey! Later when you’re dressed, we’ll hug.”

Seth gives Hailey his robe and Kirsten and Sandy leave to go make up the guest bedroom. Hailey asks what their New Year’s Eve plans are and Seth says he’s going to do whatever Ryan and Marissa do. Ryan says that he and Marissa might not be doing much because he said Thank You to her I Love You. Seth says it looks like they’ll all be staying in.

Back at therapy, Marissa and Oliver chat again in the waiting room. He tells her he’s having a party tonight where he lives in the Four Seasons penthouse. Okay. That’s reason number three not to trust Oliver. Marissa doesn’t seem bothered by any of this though. She says her and her boyfriend Ryan might show up. Oliver says that his girlfriend Natalie will be there too. Uh-huh.

Kirsten is trying to find out why Hailey is back other than money. Hailey says she was going to call their Dad, Caleb, and let him know soon. Kirsten says she has two weeks to do so because that’s when he gets back from Paris….with Julie Cooper. Hailey is floored that her father would date her and asks what’s going with Jimmy Cooper then. Kirsten says they’re getting a divorce. Hailey tells Kirsten about a party that her and Sandy should go to since they are clearly a very boring married couple.

Marissa asks Ryan to go to the party to which he is clearly not interested. He asks who Oliver is, and she says a guy from therapy. Red flag number 1,000. Marissa says she is going to the party, and Ryan says he is not. Kirsten and Sandy are off to their dinner and then the party that Hailey suggested. They ask if they need anything before they go.

Seth: “Ryan needs a tear in the space-time continuum so he can go and back and say ‘I love you’ to Marissa.”

Hailey shoves them out the door and says she doesn’t expect them before 2:00am. She comes back in and can’t believe Ryan and Seth aren’t dressed to go out. They say they aren’t going out. Hailey convinces them to go to Oliver’s party by convincing Ryan that if he doesn’t go Marissa will end up kissing Oliver at midnight. As they’re getting ready to leave a bunch of Hailey’s friends come in the door for the party she’s throwing….at the house.

Ryan feels like he can’t leave now, and Seth says he’s not going to be the one to tell his Aunt she can’t have a party. It’s embarrassing. Seth says he’ll stick around and make sure nothing too damaging breaks and Ryan should go after Marissa. He instead goes to confront Hailey who is being yelled at in a room by a friend who says she owes her three grand. Ryan threatens to call the cops and Hailey locks Ryan and Seth inside the pool house. Seth starts breathing through a bag and Ryan starts imagining Oliver making out with Marissa. Seth asks Ryan why he didn’t say I love you. He says he’s never said it before, but he definitely does love Marissa (WHY?).

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Marissa brings Summer to the party and Anna is also there. Anna says her parents are friends with the parents of the guy who’s throwing this party. Marissa asks if she knows Oliver. She doesn’t. Ooookay then. Oliver shows up and takes Marissa to show her around. Anna asks if Summer knows where Seth is. She says she doesn’t know.

In the car, Kirsten asks Sandy if they’re in a rut, an idea she clearly got from her sister. She asks Sandy if they need to take more chances and he thinks they do and he starts defying the GPS lady. She tells him to go left, he goes right. Kirsten tells him to stop and just listen to the GPS lady.

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Kirsten suggests they skip dinner and just go to the party that Hailey suggested. Just to be spontaneous!

Oliver says his parents actually own a bunch of hotels, which is why they are having the party here. He and Marissa flirt over the word ‘mojito’ and they drink virgin drinks. They are super boring and weird. Oliver says he’s clean and sober for 11 months now. He asks where Ryan is and she says he’s not coming. She asks where Natalie is and he says she isn’t here. Oliver says it’s a long-distance relationship. They make a toast to each other’s significant others.

Hailey comes into the pool house and asks for Ryan and Seth’s help to get rid of a girl who’s going to tear the place apart if she doesn’t get money from Hailey. Ryan says he’ll help shut the party down and Seth agrees because it’s already what he does best. Ryan takes off to hopefully beat the clock and kiss Marissa before midnight.

Anna and Summer are sitting on a couch and a guy nods over at them. They nod back then wonder who he was actually nodding at.

They can’t figure out who he is interested in, so they both go up to the guy and make him choose between them. A great metaphor for Seth. Anna says she’s going to go and Summer stays to hang out with the guy.

Kirsten and Sandy show up to the party and they slowly realize it’s a swinger’s party. Kirsten still thinks they’re in a rut, and Sandy puts his watch in the bowl to prove to Kirsten they can be fun. She looks mad about it even though she essentially dared him to put his watch in the bowl. Sandy and Kirsten wait as everyone draws watches and suddenly they’re the last two left. Sandy reveals he never put his watch in the bowl and they head home.

The house is a disaster. Hailey says she’ll clean up, Seth goes to take out the garbage. Sandy opens up the door to find his bedroom is occupied…a little homage to Seth in the first episode.

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Kirsten and Hailey fight.

Kirsten: “Your whole life is dedicated to having fun….but are you even having any?”

Hailey storms off into the pool house without cleaning up the house. Nice.

Seth goes to take the garbage out and finds Anna in his driveway. She says she didn’t want to be alone on New Years. They decide to hang out.

Ryan arrives at the Four Seasons with only 3 minutes to spare. The elevators are taking forever so he books it up the stairs all the way to the penthouse. He almost doesn’t make it and it looks as if Oliver and Marissa are nearly about to kiss for some reason. The countdown starts just as Ryan makes it inside. Marissa see’s him at the last moment, shoves Oliver aside and her and Ryan adorably kiss. He pulls back and tells her he loves her. Marissa says thank you. Classy girl!

Oliver makes out with no one. Sandy and Kirsten change the sheets on their bed to make out. Anna and Seth make out in his bedroom. Ryan and Marissa make out. Summer makes out with the guy at the party before pushing him off her and telling him he’s not Seth Cohen. Oh Summer, you poor dear.

Best Song of the Episode:

“Dice” by Finley Quaye

Best Quote:

Hailey: “That was last year, Kiki.”

Kirsten: “Don’t call me Kiki, only Dad calls me Kiki and only because he won’t not.”

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

ZERO. Nice job OC.

Weird 2003 thing:

When Marissa says it’s the last day of 2003. Weird. Guess this category gets updated next week!

Summer: “Seth Cohen is so 2003.”

Also so many mentions of Carson Daily in this episode as he used to to do the midnight ball drop thang on tv around this time.

Best Fashion Statement:

All dat GLITTER

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Obvious Reasons to NOT trust Oliver Trask:

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  1. He knows who you are even though you have no friend or places in common
  2. He knows your medical history
  3. He lives in a hotel
  4. Anna says her parents know the parents of the guy who’s throwing the party, but she doesn’t know who Oliver is.
  5. He says his girlfriend lives long-distance so you’ll probably never get to meet her. Super convenient.
  6. He give you ‘come make out with me’ eyes on new years even though he knows you have a boyfriend.

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E02: STORMBORN

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E02: STORMBORN

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Two: Stormborn

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

At Dragonstone, Daenerys is with her advisers, Varys and Tyrion. She questions Vary’s loyalty and who he has served since her birth. The answer is a lot of people, but Varys isn’t dumb. He answers all her questions perfectly, even going as far to say that he serves the people of Westeros above all. Dany makes him promise that if she is failing the people at any moment, he tell her to her face rather than conspire behind her back. Oh, and if she finds out he has conspired against her from here on out, she will burn him alive. Nice touch.

The red woman, Melisandre shows up, riding down from the North where she was banished by Jon for burning a small child alive. Let’s not forget that. Dany asks what Melisandre’s Lord of Light expects from her. Melisandre repeats her ‘the prince that was promised will bring the dawn” bullshit. Dany says she can’t help her because she’s not a prince, but Missandei interprets and says that in High Valyrian the translation of prince is a noun that can mean prince or princess so really she qualifies, and we all know the red woman is dying to blindly worship someone again. She says that Dany has a role to play in the war to come and so does Jon Snow, the King in the North. Tyrion perks up at this, remembering how he and Jon left on good terms at the wall in the first season. He trusts Jon’s judgement and since the Red Woman is insinuating that he has some crazy news to share they invite him to bend the knee and share it. Dany agrees. Omgz come meet your future wife, Jon.

In Westeros, Jon, Davos and Sansa read the letter from Tyrion. Sansa says (as his kind of still maybe wife?) that Tyrion isn’t like the other Lannisters. He was always kind to her. However, they agree that it’s too dangerous to go meet Dany, but they do agree that if the army of the dead makes it past the wall they don’t have enough men to fight them.Jon gets his raven from Sam and repeat the news to his lords that Sam knows Dragonglass exists beneath Dragonstone, but they have to trust Tyrion. Jon says he’s going to go meet with Dany. They need the dragonglass in order to defeat the wights. Sansa says it’s a trap, but Jon doesn’t believe that Tyrion would lie to him. The men agree with Sansa and they all insist he stays. Jon says none of them have seen the army of the dead and he says they need allies even if it is a risk and he will leave Sansa as head of the north while he is gone. No one complains about that much. Jon goes down to the crypt where Petyr (thrilled that Sansa is now in charge, puke), finds him. Petyr says he loves Sansa just as he loved Catlyn. Jon chokes him up against a wall and says if he touches Sansa he will kill him. Kind of lovin’ it over here. Now if only Sansa is smart enough to trust in Jon while he is gone and make good decisions. Please dear lordy.

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Cersei makes big speech to the handful of lords who are still ‘loyal’ to her (read loyal: afraid she will burn them all to the ground with wildfire). She makes of lot of propaganda claims that the Dothraki are savage and Dany will destroy the seven realms as they know it (is that so bad? The seven realms kind of suck right now). Randyll Tarly (Sam’s Dad) shows up to hear what Cersei has to say, but he’s not buying it. Jamie, to the disappointment of many, pulls him aside and insists that he help out, because if he professes his loyalty to Cersei the rest of the noblemen will. With the Sandsnakes and all of Dorne backing Dany as well as the Tyrells, Cersei is desperate for people to be loyal to her. The fact that after everything Jamie has been through, he is backing Cersei still is completely frustrating. It’s also something I feel like book Jamie would never do.

Qyburn, Cersei’s insane crazy doctor surgeon wizard thing (now hand of the queen), leads Cersei down to the crypt to see the skulls of the dragons that Aegon rode across the sea to bring the seven kingdoms to his rule. Quburn says that the dragons aren’t invincible. He’s had word that one of Dany’s dragons were wounded by spears in the fighting pits in Mereen. He thinks if they can be wounded they can be killed. He reveals a crossbow that his fucking huge, that they blacksmiths of King’s Landing have been forging day and night. It certainly looks big enough to slay a dragon and Cersei pulls the lever, which slams into the skeleton skull of the dragon in the crypt, proving his point.

Back in Dragonstone, Yara Greyjoy tells Dany to hurry up and take the Iron Throne. She suggest that with all of their weapons and dragons they can take King’s Landing in a day. The Sandsnake agrees, even though the casualties will be high, she sees the people as collateral in the war for the throne. Tyrion tells her that they don’t poison little girls here, remembering his fondness for his niece Myrcella, facing the woman who killed her. Dany says she’s not here to be Queen of the Ashes and Olenna Tyrell agrees to a point. She remembers that Margaery was loved and now she’s ashes. Pause for a moment and take in that three women are offering advice to another woman as their Queen. This is the kind of progressive shit I love in Game of Thrones.

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Dany takes in their advice, but she says they will not attack King’s Landing, they will lay siege to the capital surrounding it on all sides. They will starve them out of King’s Landing, and they won’t use Dothraki and Unsullied, they will use Westerosi army. Meanwhile the Dothraki will go to Casterly Rock and take it, effectively taking the Lannister’s seat of power. The three women agree and holy fuck women rule. Dany asks to talk to Olenna alone, she says that she knows she’s just there for revenge, but Dany promises peace. Olenna says that she’s ignored most clever men in her life and she’s outlives them all (read Tyrion) and that since Dany is a dragon she shouldn’t be afraid to act like one.

Missandei knows Greyworm is leaving for Casterly Rock tomorrow and is upset he didn’t come to say goodbye to her. He says it’s hard to say goodbye to her because she is his weakness. He says when he was an unsullied child they would use his fears against him. He says because of her he now has fear and they quickly and finally make out and the award for first boobs of the season go to Missandei. Props.

Sam is in the Citadel watching Jorah get his Greyscale examined. The maester says they should have cut off his arm the moment he was touched. Jorah wants to know how long and the maester says 10-20 before it kills him, but only 6 months before he loses his mind. Meanwhile, in the regular section of the library, Professor Slughorn is using Sam as a book cart. Sam tells him that he knows of two recorded cases where advance Greyscale has been cured. Slughorn says that the procedure he speaks of is too dangerous, which is why it’s now forbidden. Jorah is in his prison writing what I can only guess is a suicide letter to Daenerys when Sam comes in with all the things he may need for a surgery. Sam says that he knew Jorah’s father because he met him when he was serving as Night’s Watch where he went after he was exiled as a knight and came to be commander. For those who don’t remember he was killed in the mutiny at Craster’s keep. Sam gives Jorah some rum and tell his to drink it all because what he’s about to do is going to hurt. He proceeds to peel the entire first layer of greyscale off of Jorah. Holy fuck it looks like a bitch.

Cut to a scene of a man in a pub biting into a meat pie that looks a lot like Jorah’s skin. I swear to the Seven, they want us to puke every episode. Arya is nearby these two listening in in and gathering information on Cersei and what’s going on at King’s Landing. Fat shit, Hot Pie shows up as he is working in the pub and asks what’s happened to her. She answers so clinically it’s almost hard to see the Arya we all love. Is she so blinded by revenge at this point? She seems so set on her destination to King’s Landing that we finally see a crack in her revenge armor as Hot Pie informs her that Jon and Sansa have taken Winterfell. We see her exit and instead of following the men to King’s Landing she heads toward Winterfell. MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT. She rides and makes camp later in the day but the horse is agitated so she pulls out needle and suddenly they are surrounded by wolves.Then the biggest wolf of them all comes in and HOLY FUCK IT’S NYMERIA. ARYAS FUCKING DIREWOLF IS BACK. Arya tries to get Nymeria to come with her, but the direwolf goes and takes her pack with her. It’s sad, but also HOLY FUCK NYMERIA IS ALIVE.

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The Sandsnakes are bitching in a hold in the Greyjoy’s ship. Their mother, Elia is in a room on the ship with Theon and Yara talking about the merits of Dorne. The girls flirt, and talk about how Theon will be Yara’s protector one day when she is queen. They are about to bang-o-rang when the ships come under attack. Euron Greyjoy has found them and rams his ships with theirs. Euron slams down into a ship in a strange but accurate WWE style and suddenly it’s an all out battle on board, which is a far cry from the monotony and politics of last episode. Two of the sandsnakes fight Euron and unlike their book counterparts (who would have won) they die. Yara finds Euron and they duke it out. It looks like he’s going to win when Theon finds Euron with his dagger to Yara’s throat. Theon almost becomes a hero but instead he jumps overboard like a little bitch. I only hope that he follows the ship they’ve taken Yara on and comes back as a hero. It’s so disappointing to see that he can’t get past what was done to him (then again, who can blame him?).

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Best quotes this week:

  • “You wish to know where my true loyalties lie? Not to any Queen or King, but with the people. The people who suffer under despots and prosper under just rule. The people whose hearts you aim to win. If you demand blind allegiance I respect your wishes. But if you let me live I will serve you well. I will dedicate myself to seeing you on the iron throne because I choose you. Because I know the people have no better chance than you.” Varys
  • I”m heading north, Girl. Back to winterfell. I’m finally going home. Come with me.” – Arya

Let’s not forget this gem:

Arya: This is good

Hot Pie: Do you think so? The secret is browning the butter before making the dough.

Arya: Mm, I didn’t do that.

Hot Pie: You been making pies?

Arya: One or two

Side note: She’s referring to the human pie of Walder Frey’s son’s that she made him eat before killing him. Bitch is stone cold.