Jon Snow

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE SIX: NO ONE IS VERY HAPPY, WHICH MEANS IT’S A GOOD COMPROMISE?

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

In a nutshell:

Okay, quick recap.

Tyrion has had a bad week. He backed the wrong person, watched a bunch of people burn alive, found out he was not as smart as he thought he had always been and then found the last of his entire family dead and buried. Yikes. This kind of seemed like the end for him and Dany sent him to rot for a bit until she can have him executed.

Daenerys has this great scene coming out from the ruins to talk to her people with Drogon’s wings behind her. Emilia Clarke’s acting through her facial expressions have been everything this season and she did not fail us in sending off Daenery’s properly. Her speech in Dothraki was truly awesome. I don’t have a problem with how her arc turned out I just feel like it needed to be done over the course a few more episodes and not completely normal to absolutely fucking mad in two episodes.

Jon has turned out to me to be the biggest disappointment of all the characters. Even after he watches Dany burn everyone to the ground it takes a talk with Tyrion to convince him that MAYBE his queen is a bit psychotic. I was shocked he was even still defending her at this point. Seems like Jon’s purpose to coming back to life was to just murder Dany in the end. It wasn’t that shocking, but there you go. I think the saddest part was how quick it all happened. All that power, all that time spent getting here only to die at the hand of her lover feet from the throne she hoped to rule. Then Drogon is all ‘fuck that chair’, grabs a dead bitch and fucks off to Essos. Jon is redeemed only when he is forced to go back to Castle Black and give Ghost the pets he deserves.

With Dany gone – who will rule? Jon is the most worthless choice at this point and I’m just thrilled no one else even brings up the idea that he should rule. I mean he did kill the queen so that might have something to do with it, but damn he has been the worst this season.

Sam suggests democracy….lol

Sansa waits for everyone to name her Queen…nope.

Grey Worm tells Tyrion to shut up – he agrees and then makes a speech.

His speech essentially is that someone who knows all the stories should rule – to bind us together. He means Bran The Broken. And Bran’s all ‘yeah dude I didn’t just come all the way down here for fun with my dozens of furs and vacant expressions’.

Sansa makes the North an independent nation and is Queen of the North. Bronn gets all the titles he ever needed. Davos is somehow still alive. The breast milk kid got taller, but still looks like a kid that drinks breast milk. Yara is there complaining. Grey Worm fucks off with his unsullied on the water. Tyrion becomes Hand again as punishment for sucking at being Hand. Arya sails west of Westeros.

Perhaps the most touching of all the scenes this episode (besides Drogon nudging Dany’s lifeless body OH MY GOD WHY YOU MAKE ME CRY), was Brienne writing in the book of knights – a book made of paper that was somehow not destroyed with all that dragon fire. She writes of all of Jamie’s heroic deeds – leaving out his incest and the crippling of a child. It was rather touching.

And finally, the greatest quote of this episode the one that explains how everyone is probably feeling right now: “No one is very happy. Which means it’s a good compromise I suppose.”

I see what you did there you little shitheads David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. I see what you did there.

Best Quotes:

Tyrion: I freed my brother. And you slaughtered a city.
Tyrion to Jon: You have to choose now.
Dany: When I was a little girl my brother told me it was made with 1000 swords from Aegon’s fallen enemies. What do 1000 swords look like in the mind of a little girl who can’t count to 20?
Jon: Have you been down there? Have you seen? Children burned. Little children BURNED.
Dany: We do it together. We break the wheel together.
Jon: You are my queen. Now and always.
Arya: Say another word about killing my brother and I’ll cut your throat.
Tyrion: Bran is our memory. The keeper of all our stories.
Bran: Why do you think I came all this way?
Sansa: Tens of thousands of Northmen fell in the great war, defending all of Westeros. And those who have survived have seen too much and fought too hard ever to kneel again. The North will remain and independent kingdom, as it was for thousands of years.
Jon: There’s still a Night’s Watch?
Sam: A Song of Ice and Fire. Archmaester Ebrose’s history of the wars following the death of King Robert. I helped him with the title.
Tyrion: Ser Bronn of the Blackwater, Lord of Highgarden, Lord Paramount of the Reach, and Master of Coin. Would you say the crown’s debt you has been paid?
Davos: These projects will begin as soon as the Master of Coin and Lord of Lofty Titles provides funding.
Bronn: Are you master of grammar now too?

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE FIVE: BURN, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, BURN (DRAGON INFERNO)

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Okay, so I was half joking about the mad queen stuff last recap. Because why would a character that has always been fair and merciful suddenly want to burn an entire city to the ground with innocent men, women and children inside just because one of her people was killed? Why would someone who stayed behind in a city for two seasons to learn how to be a fair and compassionate ruler suddenly throw all that knowledge out the window? Now that Jorah is dead can we just go do whatever we want? Just because she has a tendency toward ‘madness’ in her blood? A tendency that has shown no signs of developing until an episode ago? People don’t LOVE her so she burns an entire city to the ground so she can rule? Her people loving her was something she understood for the last eight seasons (until this episode apparently) that she would have to earn. Suddenly she’s impatient for it and just needs to destroy everything in her path?

I have almost no words for how much complete shit writing that is. Who is this dumbed down, idiot version of Daenerys Targaryen that we are forced to deal with suddenly?

Also, Greyworm be like, ‘Oh are we killing and raping everyone now? That’s cool.”

Gotta love Jon’s face when he realizes that he’s on the wrong side of all this.

Tyrion. WTF. Tyrion who has seen over and over again that Cersei will NEVER yield, even for her unborn child, and yet he still frees Jamie to go and get her to surrender and ring the bells. It’s a nice thought but holy shit he used to be the smartest person on this show? Did he leave all his brains at Winterfell with Sansa to take them? A very heartwarming goodbye between Tyrion and Jamie though.

And Jamie…..Book Jamie > TV Jamie. That’s all I have to say. Looks like Cersei and Jamie went down together. A bit anticlimactic, but you have to give it up for Lena Headey. Over the past eight seasons, that is some of the best damn acting I’ve ever seen in a TV series.

Clegane Bowl was just as cool as promised, but after watching Dany fall from grace it didn’t have the same excitement to it. The Hound stopped Arya from killing Cersei and told her to leave before she died and became consumed by revenge. Only to see Dany go full psycho and have her turn right back around on that mythical white horse to go kill a different queen. The scene of her running through the streets was actually pretty cool.

You know my girl Sansa is just sipping wine at Winterfell reading these reports coming in about King’s Landing like, ‘I fucking told you so’. As Arya said….the smartest person we know.

Honestly, I’d be fine with this story line if what Dany did made ANY sense with what we’ve learned about her in the series so far. NOTHING indicates she’d ever so something like this so suddenly. There was no build up for her to make these choices, nothing she chose to do made any sense in regards to who we know her to be. You don’t just flip from completely normal to insane because one or two things don’t go your way. Not with at least a TON of foreshadowing about her father going mad over just one thing. It is said over and over again that her father SLOWLY descended into madness. All it takes for Dany apparently to go insane is the non-threat of a guy who doesn’t want to be king, the death of one friend in a WAR where people were bound to die, and the fear that no one will give her love she hasn’t sought to earn at all.

Best Quotes:

Varys: I hope I deserve this. I hope I’m wrong.
Dany: Far more people in Westeros love you than love me. I don’t have love here. I have fear.
Tyrion: The people who live here are not your enemies. They’re innocents like the ones you liberated in Mereen. Please, if you hear them ringing the bells, call off the attack.
Tyrion: Tens of thousands of innocent lives, one not particular innocent dwarf….seems like a fair trade.
Qyburn: Obey your Queen, Ser Gregor.

Also, I stole this from reddit, but damn it made me laugh.

Dany this episode:

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE FOUR: A DESCENT INTO MADNESS

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

This show can still surprise me, which…quite frankly surprised me. I feel like ever since Jon was resurrected there has been so much fan service of this show everything feels pretty predictable. OF COURSE the dead were going to be defeated. OF COURSE all our favorite characters survived. Just like the first 45 minutes of this episode, everything was predictable. Then the last 20 minutes were some really great storytelling that threw some major anxiety in and really gave us some surprises. Mainly, slowly watching Dany go full fucking mad king, which I am loving.

But let’s recap the first half of the show.

Gendry is made Lord of Storm’s End by Dany. He inexplicably and rather heart warmingly asks Arya to be his Lady (uh, dude…why would you think she’d say yes to that?). Arya is flattered but would obviously rather go kill Cersei so she heads south with The Hound who also needs to extract his revenge on his brother *CLEGANEBOWL IS A GO MF-ERS!*.

As for Three Eyed Bran, I swear to God those piles of furs on his legs get larger every time the camera is on him. One day the camera will turn on him and he’ll just be buried in animal fur. Bran mostly just wheels around saying weird shit all episode and just confirms to Sansa and Arya that Jon is in fact heir of the Iron Throne.

A fact that Dany begs Jon not to tell anyone about because she knows that they all prefer him to her. Jon, being Jon, of course cannot keep this secret from his family because family is everything to him. Sansa swears not to tell anyone and then promptly tells Tyrion, because Dany is being kind of a psycho lately.

Here’s some weird shit: Jamie and Brienne go to doin’ it town. Only for Jamie to leave to either be with Cersei or kill her (not sure) once he realizes she might actually win this thing.

Sam and Gilly say bye bye because they’re useless. The Wildlings head back north with Ghost because fuck your dog who has been with you through everything, amiright Jon? Not even a goodbye pat. Terrible pet owner.

Bronn finally shows up to kill Tyrion and Jamie and they promise him High Garden if he doesn’t do it. Whatever.

Now that Tyrion knows there’s another option besides Dany, he’s desperate to get her and Jon to marry, but it’s too late. Vary’s knows that now that eight people know, everyone will know. Now that the idea is out there, it will be impossible to quell. Dany knows it too. She begs Jon not to say anything and he does it anyway and I think she knows he has too. She starts to unravel. She cannot hold a kingdom that does not love or respect her.

Then shit starts to get kind of crazy. Dany and Jon are on their way to King’s Landing to fight Cersei. Dany is at sea with Tyrion and Varys who are discussing Jon’s legacy and what this means for the future. They are both unsure who would be a better ruler. Dany is flying out at sea with her dragons and runs right into Euron Greyjoy with his dragon killing arrows. Boom…dragon down. Didn’t see that shit coming. The entire fleet is destroyed and Missandei is captured. The raw fury in Dany’s eyes is…unsettling.

Her fury increases. She’s barely able to listen to reason. She’s ready to burn the entirety of King’s Landing to the ground. Cersei is a ruthless badass bitch who sees her weaknesses and huddles the men, women and children of the city into her keep. Now Dany has to decide if she would like to burn down innocents to get what she wants. She is honestly BARELY STRUGGLING with this concept, something we would not have seen her do in previous seasons. She is unraveling. You can see it in her decision making, her movements, her eyes. She thinks it is her destiny to rule, to free people from tyranny….while she speaks of doing tyrannical things.

At the end of the episode when Cersei BEHEADS Missandei you can feel Dany unraveling. Things are not looking good for our Mad Queen.

Dany: I think you should be Lord of Storm’s End
Bran: I don’t really want anymore. You shouldn’t envy me, mostly I live in the past *Wheels away cryptically*
Sansa: Without Little Finger and Ramsey and the rest, I would have stayed a little bird all my life.
Dany: I saw the way they looked at you. I know that look. So many people have looked at me that way. Never on this side of the sea…
Sansa: What if there is someone else….someone better.
Varys: She’s his aunt.
Tyrion: Maybe Cersei will win and kill us all. That would solve all our problems.
Varys: I worry about her state of mind…
Varys: Tens of thousands of innocents will die. These are the people you came here to protect. I beg you, Your Grace, do not destroy the city you came to save. Do not become what you have always struggled to defeat.
Dany: I am here to free the world from Tyrants. That is my destiny. And I will serve it no matter the cost.
Dany: They should know who to blame when the sky falls down upon them *WHAT THE FUCK*

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE THREE: HOLY SHIT

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Doesn’t all the petty drama and bullshit from last week seem pretty stupid now? I wrote a whole post last week about the politics of people’s emotions with each other and this whole episode certainty made all that seem rather tiresome.

Going back to my last post, I was a little ambitious with the amount of people I had dying. I think we all honestly expected more people to kick the bucket this episode. I correctly predicted Jorah, Lyanna (that little 80 lb. Gryffindor just stabbing that Giant in the eye: hero status), Theon (REDEEMED, RIP) , Edd (thanks, Sam!) and Beric (purpose served).

I am seriously impressed so many people lived and also a bit like….really? Brienne almost died in the first five minutes of that battle and then her and Jamie and even Podrick are just like BARELY holding back a million dead people for like four hours.

Looks like Grey Worm is probably fine along with The Hound, Gendry, maybe Gilly, Tormund, Ghost. Hard to say for sure, but they’re probably fine.

Turns out the crypts are NOT safe. When you’re fighting a guy that can animate the dead, maybe don’t hide among the dead. A bunch of women and children died, but all the main characters down there were mostly safe I think. Tyrion and Sansa had a rather touching moment. Future BFFs.

It was really a great battle episode though. Highlights were the dothraki running with fire in the dark towards the dead and watching the fire slowly go out. Then there was the dead killing themselves to make a bridge of dead people for the dead to cross. So much dead. Another great bit was Dany trying to light the ice king on fire, and a big oh shit when that didn’t work. Then there was the dead SWARMING a dragon. Holy shit. Looks like both the dragons are still alive though according to the trailer for next week and dead dragon is dead.

Anyone else really annoyed and confused though about Jon and Dany taking fucking dragon magic carpet rides through the clouds like Aladdin and Jasmine? Uh, war is that way dummies – on the ground. It was pretty damn weird and confusing. I understood that they couldn’t see anything, but it just felt really weird.

Sam was the biggest disappointment of the episode. I thought he was going to go in the crypt and then he shows up and just puts other people’s lives in danger trying to protect him. I love that bit where Jon sees Sam fighting for his life and he like…ALMOST stops and saves him, but then he’s like, nah too much trouble and not enough reward. Sam got a lot of people killed this episode and that little shit should have just stayed in the crypt.

The biggest surprise was Melisandre showing up with her cryptic ass warnings and getting everyone to figure out their destinies. Then she just Voldemorted away into the sunrise dead AF.

Bran spends the episode peacing out on a mushroom trip while ten people protect him. I’m not sure what the point of the drifting into a bunch of raven bodies was, but he came back just in time to be like – thanks Theon…byeeeeee.

The most intense scene was Arya tip toeing through Winterfell trying not to attract any dead. Got serious Jurassic Park vibe with that one. Velociraptors in the kitchen, anyone?

FINALLY, we think Jon is going to kill the Night King a few times but then BAM mutha fuckin’ ARYA STARK comes out of nowhere and just fuckin’ DESTROYS him. Ya dead bitch. Along with every creature he ever made. So I guess that’s the end of the dead being a problem. I thought we’d get them for a few more episodes, but that’s one way to solve that problem. Arya kind of looks at Bran like damn did I just do that? And Bran classically just stares off into space again.

Shout out to the sound editing peeps and the score on this episode. Fantastic.

Now we get to see Dany, Jon, two dragons, and about 15 people take Westeros from Cersei and her army. That is if they’re still talking.

Damn Cersei, you smart staying warm, dry and drunk in King’s Landing.

Not a lot of talking this week, but best quotes this week:

Bran: I’m going to go now *trips out*
Melisandre: Brown eyes, green eyes….and blue eyes.

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE TWO: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE TALKS

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)The episode where everyone either talks, flirts, or gets it on. To be fair with only four episodes left and at least two more battles, characters do have to wrap their shit up with each other. The eerie part is that some characters resolved their issues and others did not. I have a feeling that those who didn’t are the ones who are going to survive next week’s episode.

So that’s my prediction.

Here’s my prediction of who dies based on this theory:

Jamie wraps up his beef with Dany, Sansa, Tyrion, Bran and even manages to knight Brienne in the process. Also, Bran gives him that creepy ‘how do you know there’s an afterwards?’. Jamie is gonna die.

Bran wraps up his 3EB bit by confessing he won’t tell anyone about what Jamie did, and tells everyone that the Night King is after him so they’ll use him as bait. Bran then spends the rest of his night telling Tyrion everything about his story and I’m going to assume all he knows. Bran is going to die.

Jorah wraps up his relationship with Dany, finally being okay with his relegation to the friend zone. He even tells her to keep Tyrion on as hand even after all his mighty fuck ups. Sam gives him his family sword and he has a conversation with Lyanna that sounds a lot like goodbye. I’m gonna say Jorah dies.

Lyanna will die. I can’t imagine her surviving this. Her combat skills aint that good. She’ll probably die with all the ‘The North will never bow again’ people. Wraps up that problem nicely.

Gendry makes a sword for Arya after she proves to him she can kill pretty well. This must have been her weird way of foreplay because she strips naked for him and bangs him before the battle starts. A bit out of character for Arya, but whatever. Good for Arya, good for Gendry. Gendry serves no purpose now. Bye Gendry.

Theon is accepted back at Winterfell by Sansa. He requests to defend Bran at the weirwood tree and that will be his final stand and he’ll die forgiven.

Podrick will probably die. It would suck for Brienne to lose him and Jamie in one go, but I don’t see Pod’s story line going anywhere else at the moment. Could be wrong though.

Ghost made an appearance this week. No dragons so his CGI budget was intact. I think showing him was a subtle reminder that he’s still around, and that he’s probably going to die. Hopefully saving Jon’s life. Would be a good time too for Arya’s Direwolf Nymeria to show up with her pack and start ripping out white walker throats.

People I don’t care about living or dying:

Grey Worm and Missandei, the relationship I care the least about, had a nice goodbye. They talked of their future plans. I’m not sure if either of them will or won’t make it out of this battle alive, but I’m not going to guess because I honestly don’t care.

Gilly is back. Gilly will be in the crypt with Sam and Little Sam. Meh. Don’t really care about any of that.

Jon’s Night Watch buddies. Meh.

Beric is here for the Lord of Light. I could see him dying next week while saving someone who is actually key to the story aka the Lord of Light’s plan. I don’t really care either way though.

People who are going to live:

Dany and Sansa try to talk it out. They almost come to an understanding several times, but every time Sansa pretty much shuts that shit down. I’m super in love with that fact that they aren’t friends at all. Every time Dany tries to talk to Sansa she sounds like she’s bullshitting her for some reason and I feel like the audience can see it and so can Sansa. These two have unresolved issues. They’ll live.

The Hound and Arya talk a bit and it doesn’t really go anywhere. He can’t die though because he has to kill The Mountain. At least I hope that’s how this all finally goes for him.

Brienne and Tormund…well, nothing is resolved there. Both will live and with Jamie out of the way….

Tryion resolves his issues with Dany and his brother. He will live.

The biggest move forward this week was Jon telling Dany that he’s the last male heir Targaryen. Instead of being horrified that she’s been banging her nephew for the last few weeks/months (what is Time on this show?), she is mad she isn’t the rightful heir to the throne. Before they can talk it out, the battle is about to begin and the episode is over. Both will live. They gotta figure this shit out.

No one talked about the dragons this week or what the plans are to use them in battle, but I am looking forward to seeing the two living ones vs the one dead one.

Best quotes this week:

Daenerys: I see one man, with one hand.
Dany: He never should have trusted Cersei / Sansa: You never should have either.
Lyanna: I will not hide underground. I pledged to fight for The North and I will fight.
Arya: My weapon? / Gendry *rock hard*: I’ll get right on it.
Sansa: What about The North? It was taken from us and we took it back. And we said we’d never bow to anyone else again. What about The North?
Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.
The Hound: I fought for you didn’t I?
Tormund: They call me ‘Giantsbane’. I killed a giant when I was ten. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife. And she woke up. You know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong. Giant’s milk. *cue Jamie’s wtf face*

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE ONE

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

First thing’s first: Cool new intro. I love that they’re switching it up this final season. They’re showing the progress of the White Walkers heading south too and that will be fun to track via the intro each new episode.

Also, I guess we’re giving up episode title names for season eight. So that’s weird.

Let’s start with the south and King’s Landing. Cersei is pregnant and the baby’s daddy once again is her brother. Well since Jamie fucked right on off up to Winterfell (assuming he’s going to go tell Tyrion she aint coming) she’s gotta figure out a way to make this baby legitimate. Enter Euron Greyjoy. And enter he did. Finally, Cersei sends Bron off to murder Tyrion. Will he do it? Probably not.

Theon finally saves Yara who rightly head butts him, but ultimately forgives him. Theon asks to go to Winterfell to fight and Yara lets him because let’s face it, Theon is not really that useful. He’s probably going to die doing something semi-heroic to redeem himself in the battle for Winterfell.

Daenery’s shows up at Winterfell to a very hostile North. Sansa particularly aint havin’ any of that shit. Jon and Arya have a super awesome reunion and when Jon tries to joke about how Sansa is being a brat Arya shuts that shit down real quick, which I kind of love. Females empowering females.

Jamie shows up at Winterfell towards the end and Three Eyed Bran (3EB) is like ‘sup, remember me? I doubt he’ll say much about it though considering he’s told everyone he can this episode that he’s no longer Bran, just the three eyed raven. Fuck we get it Bran. Could you stop making everyone feel so god damn weird all the time? The big question is what will Dany do about the fact that the man who killed her crazy ass father has just arrived? How will Tyrion take it when she inevitably kills him? Or will this be her chance to show some mercy since she hasn’t really before?

Tons of reunions this episode. Arya/Sam/Bran & Jon. Sansa & Tyrion. Yara & Theon. Gendry/The Hound & Arya. Jorah & Sam.

Oh right about that Sam and Jorah thing. Dany is super stoked to meet Sam because he saved the life of her friend zoned forever bff Jorah. Only thing is….she also burned his father and brother alive. It’s….awkward to say the least. This gives Sam the fuel fire he needs to confront Jon and tell him he is really Aegon Targaryen. What Jon ends up doing with that information, only time will tell. More importantly when he realizes he’s been fucking his Aunt this entire time, what will he do? Since Targaryen’s were fairly incestual for most of their bloodline I’d say this just becomes a minor plot point.

I love that zero people have asked about what happened to Little Finger.

Also, RIP Lord Umber and Last Hearth.

Best quotes this week:

Sansa to Tyrion: I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.
Lyanna: You left Winterfell a King and came back a — I’m not sure what you are now. My Lord? Nothing at all?
Sansa: What do Dragon’s eat anyway? Dany: Whatever they want.
Jon to Arya: How’d you sneak up on me?
Jon to Arya: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. Arya to Jon: She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met.
The Hound to Arya: You left me to die. Arya to The Hound: First I robbed you.

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON SEVEN RECAP

A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven Recap

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It’s that time again. The birds are chirping in the mornings, the days are starting to get longer, and HBO starts to release episodes of Game of Thrones for our viewing pleasure. Every year we blink, the season ends, and we are left wondering, “WHY DID THAT CHARACTER I LOVE HAVE TO DIE?” and “WHY DO I WATCH THIS SHOW?” So what better way to make the Game of Thrones season last a bit longer, than to relive the episodes the day after they air? Remember this is the LAST SEASON.

Check back in Sundays for the first recap of season seven, episode one, but first let’s start with a quick recap of season seven. It will be a good reminder of where all of our favorite and least favorite characters have ended up.

Let’s recap:

First off, RIP to all those we lost last season:

Obra Sand (meh)
Nymeria Sand (double meh)
Tyene Sand (triple meh)
Ellaria Sand (good)
Olenna Tyrell (FIERCEST DEATH)
Randyll Tarly (Dragon fire)
Dickon Tarly (your name is DICKON?! – also dragon fire)
All those Lannister Soldiers (more dragon fire)
Benjen Stark
Viserion (now undead Viserion)
Little Finger (Sometimes when I try to understand a person’s motives….I like to play a little game)

Things to remember from season 7:

We left season seven with Cersei saying she was down with an alliance after seeing a white walker and then noping out of that alliance ASAP. Cersei is pregnant with her brother’s baby. Cersei also might have more dragon catapult arrow throwers.

Theon punches a Greyjoy man to death and convinces the rest of the lot to go save Yara.

The Red Woman leaves for Essos, but not before telling Varys that she will be back and they will both die in Westeros.

Bran is Three Eyed Bran (3EB) and is still a weird little shit. He just is biding his time waiting to tell Jon of his true heritage. Sam is back with Bran and knows about the whole thing too so now we just wait for them to tell him that he just fucked his Aunt on a boat.

Sansa and Arya killed Littlefinger and it was glorious.

When Jon is beyond the wall they kill the main white walker of a group and somehow it kills all the other ones. So that’s helpful information to remember. Also remember that burning white walkers and stabbing them with dragonglass is the only way to kill them. Also Viserion is a white walker dragon and he burned down the wall.

Now we are all caught up. The Winds of Winter is still not out yet, George RR Martin thinks this shouldn’t be the last season of GoT but who gives a shit what he thinks? If he wanted an opinion he could have written faster.

We are starting Season 8 almost two years after Season 7 aired. We only get six episodes and then it’s over forever. Or you can continue when the Winds of Winter comes out in 5-10 years.

Review of Thrones will be back Sunday night after GoT airs so check out CinemAbysmal for your every Sunday night just a few hours after the episode premiers. Don’t forget to grab your parent’s HBO password and join the world in prayer to the Seven that HBO GO doesn’t crash like it always does.

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E10: The Winds of Winter

A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Ten: The Winds of Winter

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It’s fitting that the title of this episode is the title of the next book in the Song of Ice and Fire series. You know the one that George RR Martin is taking a million years to write. Well, save yourself the trouble of waiting, and just watch this 10 hour season instead.

It was an extremely satisfying season overall. There were some lows, but mostly highs. It was nice to overall feel like the ‘good people’ didn’t get screwed over and over again per usual. The season finale starts with the credits showing a direwolf back on the top of Winterfell, but we also see Dorne show up on the map so I guess we have to deal with that too.

The episode starts out beautifully with Cersei, Tommen, the High Sparrow, and Margaery all getting ready for the day. The music in this scene was incredible, and also very unlike anything we’ve heard before in the series. It looks like everyone is getting ready for a funeral, and it’s fair to say we were all very on edge about who will live, and who will die this episode. In the end we should have known that Cersei was wearing black for everyone else’s funeral. She concocts an elaborate plan to gather everyone in the Sept for her trial, then blow up the entire thing with stores of wildfire.

Of course Margaery realizes her plan, but when she announces Cersei’s intent, the Sparrow ridiculously won’t let anyone leave and so everyone dies. RIP Natalie Dormer’s character. You were very good looking, and it’s sad to not have you to look at anymore. Cersei keeps Tommen from going to the Sept, and when he sees it blown to pieces, it is clear that the only thing that was keeping him together was probably his wife. In an act I didn’t see coming, Tommen barely hesitates as he walks toward a window and jumps out of it.

To me, it was the most shocking part of the episode (only because R+L=J has been on my radar for some time now – we will get to that don’t worry). Cersei’s victory isn’t sweet. She has lost everything just as she becomes Queen of Westeros. Jamie shows up, and he gives her a brief ‘WTF’ look, and she replies with an ‘I thought we were the only people who matter’ look. Jamie seems to be cool with it though, which once again proves Book Jamie is 1,000 times better than TV Show Jamie.

On a boring but adorable note, Sam and Gilly show up at the Citadel. Sam is like Belle in Beauty and the Beast when he sees the library and pretty much gives zero fucks when the guy says Gilly and the baby can’t come in. He gives her that look like, “Sorry, but who care, you can stay here, I need to go visit my peeps.” His peeps happen to be tons upon tons of books. Sam is there to be a Maester just in case anyone forgot, but I think his real purpose will be finding one of those books that will tell him how to defeat White Walkers. Otherwise what a wasteful storyline.

A white raven is sent from the Citadel to Winterfell to let Jon know Sam has made it. A white raven symbolizes that Winter IS finally fucking here, and Jon and Sansa share a knowing glance that acknowledges their house saying is no longer relevant. Davos calls out the Red Woman for killing Shireen, and Jon banishes her South. She will eventually no doubt meet up with Dany and start worshiping her.

Jon and Sansa share a beautiful moment where she accepts him as a Stark, and apologizes for not telling him about the Knights of the Vale. Sansa says anyone would be a fool to trust Littlefinger. Littlefinger confesses to Sansa all he wants is himself on the Iron Throne with her next to him. For once, he might be telling the truth, but WHY Sansa seems mildly intrigued by this idea is beyond me. Considering she JUST SAID anyone would be a fool to trust him. I’m hoping she isn’t playing that game, but they exchange some worrisome glances later in the evening as the rest of the Northern houses sit at Winterfell proclaiming their alliance to Jon ‘Stark’. Once again Lady Mormont knows what’s up, and leads the grown men in a declaration of ‘King of the North’.

Olenna Tyrell shows up in Dorne and tells all the sand snakes to STFU, which was pretty epic considering we’re all thinking it. Varys appears, and is pretty much like, ‘How about joining the Dragon Queen?’, and everyone agrees, so that’s the end of that story.

Dany dismisses ‘that guy she is sleeping with’ via Tyrion’s orders. She seems bored the entire time by it, and does finally admit she felt nothing while doing it. It’s a sad moment where she confesses to Tyrion she’s worried she’ll never love anyone, and Tyrion confesses to her that he doesn’t have faith in anything, but he has faith in her. It’s a beautiful moment, and she gives him a ‘Hand of the Queen’ pin that she had made, which he gladly accepts.

Her scene ends as the Greyjoys are sailing to Westeros alongside the Dothraki, the Unsullied, Greyworm, Messandi, Tyrion, Dany, three dragons, and the mysterious teleporting Varys who has somehow sailed to Dorne and back in one episode and is now on a ship. I KNOW that we have to assume all of these events are taking months at a time, because no one wants to watch a show where people travel constantly, but sometimes it’s hard to keep that in mind.

Speaking of time travel, Arya is suddenly in Westeros. She bakes a pie full of dead Frey sons to give to Walder Frey. Arya is wearing a mask, and she takes it off to reveal herself to Walder as she slits his throat. Satisfaction and vengeance for the Red Wedding. Now go to Winterfell and reunite with your kin!

Benjen Stark leaves Bran and Meera just in front of the wall at a weirwood. Bran decides now is a good time to end that Tower of Joy cliffhanger we’ve been dealing with since one of the first episodes of the season. Finally R+L=J. This is a fan theory that Rhaegar Targaryen (Dany’s brother), didn’t actually kidnap Lyanna Stark, they were really in love with each other, and she died in childbirth, giving birth to their son, Jon Targaryn. A young Ned finds her bloody and broken on a bed, and she confesses that the baby is hers and Rhaegar’s. She asks Ned to keep the baby, and raise it as his own bastard for the baby’s safety. Jon is half Targaryen and half Stark. Kind of a big fucking deal. Now we are really getting into the Song of Ice and Fire.

So Jon isn’t a bastard after all. He is practically royalty. I’m hoping him and Dany can get along when she shows up considering that Jon is her…nephew? Maybe a marriage? The Targaryen’s never had trouble in the past marrying each other. Yikes. What a fucking season.

____________________________________________________________

Best quotes this week:

– “My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die.” – Arya Stark
– “There’s something wrong. Cersei is not here. Tommen is not here. Why do you think they are not here? Forget about the bloody Gods, and listen to what I’m telling you. Cersei understands the consequences of her absence and she is absent anyway. Which means she is not intending to suffer those consequences. The trial can wait. We all need to leave. We all need to leave now. Loras, stay with me. Let me through, let me through. Get out of my way! Let us through!” – Margaery Tyrell
– “We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war against ourselves, we have so many enemies now.” – Jon Snow
– “Jon a raven came from the citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” – Sansa Stark
– “Fire and blood.” – Varys
– “Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen.” – Danaryes Targarean
– “But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers. We know no king, but the King in the North, whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He is my King, from this day, until his last day.” – Lady Mormont, the real MVP

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E09 – ‘Battle of the Bastards’

got

A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Nine: Battle of the Bastards

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

SO MANY THINGS. I feel like a million epic events happened tonight. Events we have been Owaiting for since the end of Season one. In Lord of the Rings style epicnesss, we’ve got dragons, we’ve got revenge, and we’ve got TWO battles. On a directorial note, the cinematography of this episode was some of the best I’ve seen on TV, perhaps ever. I hear an Emmy calling.

In Mereen, Dany is back, and instead of scolding Tyrion for prolonging the inevitable, she’s ready to get to work and figure out how to stop the take over. It’s super satisfying to see her trusting Tyrion, and really looking to him for advice and counsel. Dany wants to run in and kill everyone, burning the cities to the ground. Tyrion reminds her that she sounds like her crazy old dad, and he also manages to make mention of all that Wildfyre her father planted around Kings Landing (foreshadowing for the finale, anyone?), and Dany quickly takes back her statement.

The old masters try to get Dany to surrender which she predictably refuses. The other dragons are released, and don’t seem too pissed off at having been chained in a dungeon for several seasons. Dany sets dragon fire to the ships, and makes it pretty fucking clear there will be no more slavery. In a move that makes the world of Essos and Westeros look like it’s the distance from Florida to New York, Yara and Theon show up in Mereen and offer their ships. There is some very epic flirting between Yara and Dany, which I fully support, and now officially ship. Dany accepts their ships, and their offer, and it’s the start of a beautiful friendship.

Ramsey, Sansa, and Jon all meet up before the battle to exchange words. Jon offers hand to hand combat with Ramsey so no one has to die, except one of them. Ramsey obviously refuses, and so battle is declared. Davos finds Shireen’s burn site, and the daggers in his eyes confirms we haven’t heard the end of it.

At the start of the battle, Ramsey releases Rickon. He shoots arrows at the kid, letting him run back to Jon. Rickon runs in a straight line to get back to his rightful side. WHY IN THE WORLD DID HE NOT RUN IN A ZIG-ZAG FORMATION?! I know NOTHING about battle tactics or how to outrun an arrow, but it seems entirely obvious that his go to would have been zig-zagging as to not get hit. At the last moment one finds him right in the chest. It’s sad to see, but I think we all agree that if we had to pick any Stark to die tonight, it was going to be Rickon.

The battle starts and I can’t help thinking, where was Ghost? I’m guessing with the dragons, the giant, and the dogs at the end, the CGI budget was completely tapped out at the end of this episode. The battle is some of the best shit I’ve seen on TV in a long time. It was chaotic and grimy, and the tactics medieval in nature. It was one of the best scenes of this entire series. There’s a terrible moment when it looks like Jon might die of asphyxiation from being crushed to death by the weight of dead bodies. For some reason my mind blanked on Sansa writing that letter to ‘someone’ which we all guessed was Petyr Baelish but it was never confirmed. So just as it seems all hope is lost the Knights of the Vale show up, and with some relief, Jon, Wun-Wun, and Tormund charge for the gates of Winterfell. It’s a tough gate to crack, but I guess when you have a giant, it seems like childs play.

When Ramsey and Jon lock eyes again, Ramsey tries to bargain with a one-on-one fight. Jon has had enough of this little shit, and charges him nearly beating his face in to death, but stopping just in time as he sees Sansa. The look in her eyes says, “Please let me decide how this fucker goes.” And so Ramsey wakes up in a holding cell where his man-eating dogs surround him, having not fed them for seven days. In a beautiful form of revenge, the dogs eat Ramsey alive, and I can’t really think of a better way for that death to go.

Stark banners fall on the walls of Winterfell once more (new intro next week?), and we end the episode with a beautiful ghost of a smile on Sansa’s face as she listens to the dogs rip Ramsey’s face apart.

Things that still need to be wrapped up:

Where is Arya headed and when will she get there? With this new teleportation system the show has going on, hopefully she can reunite with her siblings in Winterfell soon.
What’s Bran up to? Where is he going, what is his new purpose, and will he see his family again?
What will be the fate of the Lannisters? Jamie is breaking bread with the Freys (despicable), while Cersei awaits trial with Loras. Will she take King’s Landing down with her? How much longer does Tommen even have on the throne? Where is Ser Pounce?
Why is the Hound back? What will be his purpose? An epic showdown with this zombie brother?
Will Brienne and Pod make it back to Winterfell?
When will Dany set sail for Westeros?
Will Davos out the Red Lady for killing Shrieen?
____________________________________________________________

Best quotes this week:

– “My hounds will never harm me.” – Ramsey Bolton

– “Our father’s were evil men. All of us here. They left the world worse than they found it. We aren’t going to do that. We are going to leave the world better than we found it.” – Dany

– “Happy shitting.” – Tormund Giantsbane

– “Bury my brother in the crypt. Next to my father.” – Jon Snow

– “His big cock. I think he said. Yuron’s offer is also an offer of marriage, you see you won’t get one without the other.” -Yara

“And your offer is free of any marriage demands?” – Dany

“I never demand, but I’m up for anything really.” –Yara

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E06 – “Blood of My Blood”

Jaime-Lannister-in-Game-of-Thrones-Season-6-Episode-6-Blood-of-My-Blood

A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Six: Blood of My Blood

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It seemed like a rather dull episode, but when you think about it quite a bit happened, and a lot was revealed. We don’t hear anything from Sansa and Jon, or Tyrion and Varys, but some big revelations were made this episode that really set us up for the final four of the season.

The most exciting news by far was Benjen Stark’s return. It makes the second time (and possibly not last, if the books have anything to say about it) that a Stark has returned from the dead. Before Benjen saves Bran and Meera, we get to see the exciting last moments between Jamie and the Mad King in Bran’s visions. In about five minutes, Bran is now fully up to date on pretty much everything that has happened in Essos and Westeros, past and future. Oh, except TOWER OF JOY, OH MY GOD WHY ISN’T THIS CONFIRMED YET? We find out that Benjen is half Wight; the children of the forest stopped the ‘curse’ with dragon glass before he could transform completely into a White Walker. We also know that he knows about the previous three-eyed raven (the current one being Bran) so this could be a very exciting turn of events for Bran and Meera. Let’s hope they head toward The Wall, and eventually Winterfell to meet up with his siblings.

A lot of time was spent on Gilly and Sam this episode. This normally can turn out pretty boring, but it was actually a very interesting bit of the episode. Sam took Gilly to his father’s home, and no surprise, Sam’s father was exactly the kind of awful person Sam always said he was. Gilly stood up for Sam, but in the end ousted herself as a Wildling. Sam was going to leave her and baby Sam with his father while he is at the Citadel, but Sam FINALLY after six long seasons has grown up, and isn’t taking any more of his father’s shit. After a fight with this father he, baby Sam, and Gilly leave in the middle of the night, but not before stealing his father’s 500 year old family sword, Heartsbane, which means more to him than his entire castle, and family combined. What Sam hoped to accomplish with this we are still not sure, but it was good to see him finally flip the bird to his worthless father. Maybe he will take it back to the wall, knowing that his father will come for it. Then his father can see the White Walkers first hand.

In the biggest upset in Lannister history, Tommen and Margaery have decided to give up on her brother and serve the High Sparrow which pleases the common people, but leaves the rest of the Tyrell’s and the Lannister’s confused, and a bit pissed off. Tommen is a compete pawn in this game, and I believe that Margaery has given up all her ambition to be Queen to serve the faith as much as I believe Ned Stark is going to come back with a sewn on head. I’m just not buying it. She’s in it for the end game, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Margaery is Queen on the Iron Throne when Daenerys finally shows up. I have a pretty good feeling this will be Tommen’s last season.

I also get the feeling that Cleganbowl is finally coming to a head. Cleaganbowl (meaning, the ‘Super Bowl’ battle between The Hound, and his brother, The Mountain), is a fan theory that dates back since we found out how much The Hound hates his brother, and how he burned him as a child. We never saw The Hound die, and it looks like Cersei is going to go to trial by combat with The Mountain as her champion. Could it be that the High Sparrow has The Hound hiding somewhere up his sleeve, and we will finally get the justice we so desperately want to see The Hound receive? It might be far-fetched but one could hope.

Tommen sends Jamie off to Riverun to take back the castle from the Blackfish. Little does he know he’s about to go up against Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, and his old flame Brienne. If The Mountain loses in trail by combat, Cersei might go bye bye, and then Jamie will be free to take a different side as the Lord of Casterly Rock. This is all speculation of course, and it’s hard to say what will happen here, only that we know it will be interesting.

Finally it is confirmed that Arya is not No One. She is most definitely and always has been Arya Stark. She refuses to make the kill that The Many Faced God desires, and takes her sword, Needle, back from its hiding place. Jaquin is saddened and sends the Waif who keeps beating Arya up, to dispose of her. Why the waif has always had it in for Arya I can’t really tell, unless she is super jealous that sexy Jesus Jaquin seems to prefer Arya to her. When Jaquin agrees to let the Waif dispose of Arya, he at least seems to do it reluctantly. Arya takes needle and lays down in her bed with it in the House of Black and White. Is she waiting for the Waif to come get her?

Dany rides with her Dothraki back to Mereen, but senses Drogon on the way. Dany makes a speech to her Dothraki about how they will take back Westeros, and it seems like a tired old speech for Dany to give at this point except this time she gives it on the back of a fully tamed Drogon. It’s a big deal for her to finally be worthy of his obedience to and show her power to the Dothraki. Even better if she rides to Mereen on it, and gets her ass on that ship to Westeros.

________________________________________________________________

Best quotes this week:

“That’s your father’s sword, won’t he come for it?” – Gilly
“He can bloody well try.” Samwell Tarly.