- Daenerys: I see one man, with one hand.
- Dany: He never should have trusted Cersei / Sansa: You never should have either.
- Lyanna: I will not hide underground. I pledged to fight for The North and I will fight.
- Arya: My weapon? / Gendry *rock hard*: I’ll get right on it.
- Sansa: What about The North? It was taken from us and we took it back. And we said we’d never bow to anyone else again. What about The North?
- Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.
- The Hound: I fought for you didn’t I?
- Tormund: They call me ‘Giantsbane’. I killed a giant when I was ten. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife. And she woke up. You know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong. Giant’s milk. *cue Jamie’s wtf face*
- Sansa to Tyrion: I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.
- Lyanna: You left Winterfell a King and came back a — I’m not sure what you are now. My Lord? Nothing at all?
- Sansa: What do Dragon’s eat anyway? Dany: Whatever they want.
- Jon to Arya: How’d you sneak up on me?
- Jon to Arya: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. Arya to Jon: She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met.
- The Hound to Arya: You left me to die. Arya to The Hound: First I robbed you.
A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven Recap
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
It’s that time again. The birds are chirping in the mornings, the days are starting to get longer, and HBO starts to release episodes of Game of Thrones for our viewing pleasure. Every year we blink, the season ends, and we are left wondering, “WHY DID THAT CHARACTER I LOVE HAVE TO DIE?” and “WHY DO I WATCH THIS SHOW?” So what better way to make the Game of Thrones season last a bit longer, than to relive the episodes the day after they air? Remember this is the LAST SEASON.
Check back in Sundays for the first recap of season seven, episode one, but first let’s start with a quick recap of season seven. It will be a good reminder of where all of our favorite and least favorite characters have ended up.
First off, RIP to all those we lost last season:
- Obra Sand (meh)
- Nymeria Sand (double meh)
- Tyene Sand (triple meh)
- Ellaria Sand (good)
- Olenna Tyrell (FIERCEST DEATH)
- Randyll Tarly (Dragon fire)
- Dickon Tarly (your name is DICKON?! – also dragon fire)
- All those Lannister Soldiers (more dragon fire)
- Benjen Stark
- Viserion (now undead Viserion)
- Little Finger (Sometimes when I try to understand a person’s motives….I like to play a little game)
Things to remember from season 7:
We left season seven with Cersei saying she was down with an alliance after seeing a white walker and then noping out of that alliance ASAP. Cersei is pregnant with her brother’s baby. Cersei also might have more dragon catapult arrow throwers.
Theon punches a Greyjoy man to death and convinces the rest of the lot to go save Yara.
The Red Woman leaves for Essos, but not before telling Varys that she will be back and they will both die in Westeros.
Bran is Three Eyed Bran (3EB) and is still a weird little shit. He just is biding his time waiting to tell Jon of his true heritage. Sam is back with Bran and knows about the whole thing too so now we just wait for them to tell him that he just fucked his Aunt on a boat.
Sansa and Arya killed Littlefinger and it was glorious.
When Jon is beyond the wall they kill the main white walker of a group and somehow it kills all the other ones. So that’s helpful information to remember. Also remember that burning white walkers and stabbing them with dragonglass is the only way to kill them. Also Viserion is a white walker dragon and he burned down the wall.
Now we are all caught up. The Winds of Winter is still not out yet, George RR Martin thinks this shouldn’t be the last season of GoT but who gives a shit what he thinks? If he wanted an opinion he could have written faster.
We are starting Season 8 almost two years after Season 7 aired. We only get six episodes and then it’s over forever. Or you can continue when the Winds of Winter comes out in 5-10 years.
Review of Thrones will be back Sunday night after GoT airs so check out CinemAbysmal for your every Sunday night just a few hours after the episode premiers. Don’t forget to grab your parent’s HBO password and join the world in prayer to the Seven that HBO GO doesn’t crash like it always does.
A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Ten: The Winds of Winter
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
It’s fitting that the title of this episode is the title of the next book in the Song of Ice and Fire series. You know the one that George RR Martin is taking a million years to write. Well, save yourself the trouble of waiting, and just watch this 10 hour season instead.
It was an extremely satisfying season overall. There were some lows, but mostly highs. It was nice to overall feel like the ‘good people’ didn’t get screwed over and over again per usual. The season finale starts with the credits showing a direwolf back on the top of Winterfell, but we also see Dorne show up on the map so I guess we have to deal with that too.
The episode starts out beautifully with Cersei, Tommen, the High Sparrow, and Margaery all getting ready for the day. The music in this scene was incredible, and also very unlike anything we’ve heard before in the series. It looks like everyone is getting ready for a funeral, and it’s fair to say we were all very on edge about who will live, and who will die this episode. In the end we should have known that Cersei was wearing black for everyone else’s funeral. She concocts an elaborate plan to gather everyone in the Sept for her trial, then blow up the entire thing with stores of wildfire.
Of course Margaery realizes her plan, but when she announces Cersei’s intent, the Sparrow ridiculously won’t let anyone leave and so everyone dies. RIP Natalie Dormer’s character. You were very good looking, and it’s sad to not have you to look at anymore. Cersei keeps Tommen from going to the Sept, and when he sees it blown to pieces, it is clear that the only thing that was keeping him together was probably his wife. In an act I didn’t see coming, Tommen barely hesitates as he walks toward a window and jumps out of it.
To me, it was the most shocking part of the episode (only because R+L=J has been on my radar for some time now – we will get to that don’t worry). Cersei’s victory isn’t sweet. She has lost everything just as she becomes Queen of Westeros. Jamie shows up, and he gives her a brief ‘WTF’ look, and she replies with an ‘I thought we were the only people who matter’ look. Jamie seems to be cool with it though, which once again proves Book Jamie is 1,000 times better than TV Show Jamie.
On a boring but adorable note, Sam and Gilly show up at the Citadel. Sam is like Belle in Beauty and the Beast when he sees the library and pretty much gives zero fucks when the guy says Gilly and the baby can’t come in. He gives her that look like, “Sorry, but who care, you can stay here, I need to go visit my peeps.” His peeps happen to be tons upon tons of books. Sam is there to be a Maester just in case anyone forgot, but I think his real purpose will be finding one of those books that will tell him how to defeat White Walkers. Otherwise what a wasteful storyline.
A white raven is sent from the Citadel to Winterfell to let Jon know Sam has made it. A white raven symbolizes that Winter IS finally fucking here, and Jon and Sansa share a knowing glance that acknowledges their house saying is no longer relevant. Davos calls out the Red Woman for killing Shireen, and Jon banishes her South. She will eventually no doubt meet up with Dany and start worshiping her.
Jon and Sansa share a beautiful moment where she accepts him as a Stark, and apologizes for not telling him about the Knights of the Vale. Sansa says anyone would be a fool to trust Littlefinger. Littlefinger confesses to Sansa all he wants is himself on the Iron Throne with her next to him. For once, he might be telling the truth, but WHY Sansa seems mildly intrigued by this idea is beyond me. Considering she JUST SAID anyone would be a fool to trust him. I’m hoping she isn’t playing that game, but they exchange some worrisome glances later in the evening as the rest of the Northern houses sit at Winterfell proclaiming their alliance to Jon ‘Stark’. Once again Lady Mormont knows what’s up, and leads the grown men in a declaration of ‘King of the North’.
Olenna Tyrell shows up in Dorne and tells all the sand snakes to STFU, which was pretty epic considering we’re all thinking it. Varys appears, and is pretty much like, ‘How about joining the Dragon Queen?’, and everyone agrees, so that’s the end of that story.
Dany dismisses ‘that guy she is sleeping with’ via Tyrion’s orders. She seems bored the entire time by it, and does finally admit she felt nothing while doing it. It’s a sad moment where she confesses to Tyrion she’s worried she’ll never love anyone, and Tyrion confesses to her that he doesn’t have faith in anything, but he has faith in her. It’s a beautiful moment, and she gives him a ‘Hand of the Queen’ pin that she had made, which he gladly accepts.
Her scene ends as the Greyjoys are sailing to Westeros alongside the Dothraki, the Unsullied, Greyworm, Messandi, Tyrion, Dany, three dragons, and the mysterious teleporting Varys who has somehow sailed to Dorne and back in one episode and is now on a ship. I KNOW that we have to assume all of these events are taking months at a time, because no one wants to watch a show where people travel constantly, but sometimes it’s hard to keep that in mind.
Speaking of time travel, Arya is suddenly in Westeros. She bakes a pie full of dead Frey sons to give to Walder Frey. Arya is wearing a mask, and she takes it off to reveal herself to Walder as she slits his throat. Satisfaction and vengeance for the Red Wedding. Now go to Winterfell and reunite with your kin!
Benjen Stark leaves Bran and Meera just in front of the wall at a weirwood. Bran decides now is a good time to end that Tower of Joy cliffhanger we’ve been dealing with since one of the first episodes of the season. Finally R+L=J. This is a fan theory that Rhaegar Targaryen (Dany’s brother), didn’t actually kidnap Lyanna Stark, they were really in love with each other, and she died in childbirth, giving birth to their son, Jon Targaryn. A young Ned finds her bloody and broken on a bed, and she confesses that the baby is hers and Rhaegar’s. She asks Ned to keep the baby, and raise it as his own bastard for the baby’s safety. Jon is half Targaryen and half Stark. Kind of a big fucking deal. Now we are really getting into the Song of Ice and Fire.
So Jon isn’t a bastard after all. He is practically royalty. I’m hoping him and Dany can get along when she shows up considering that Jon is her…nephew? Maybe a marriage? The Targaryen’s never had trouble in the past marrying each other. Yikes. What a fucking season.
Best quotes this week:
– “My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die.” – Arya Stark
– “There’s something wrong. Cersei is not here. Tommen is not here. Why do you think they are not here? Forget about the bloody Gods, and listen to what I’m telling you. Cersei understands the consequences of her absence and she is absent anyway. Which means she is not intending to suffer those consequences. The trial can wait. We all need to leave. We all need to leave now. Loras, stay with me. Let me through, let me through. Get out of my way! Let us through!” – Margaery Tyrell
– “We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war against ourselves, we have so many enemies now.” – Jon Snow
– “Jon a raven came from the citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” – Sansa Stark
– “Fire and blood.” – Varys
– “Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen.” – Danaryes Targarean
– “But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers. We know no king, but the King in the North, whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He is my King, from this day, until his last day.” – Lady Mormont, the real MVP
A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Nine: Battle of the Bastards
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
SO MANY THINGS. I feel like a million epic events happened tonight. Events we have been Owaiting for since the end of Season one. In Lord of the Rings style epicnesss, we’ve got dragons, we’ve got revenge, and we’ve got TWO battles. On a directorial note, the cinematography of this episode was some of the best I’ve seen on TV, perhaps ever. I hear an Emmy calling.
In Mereen, Dany is back, and instead of scolding Tyrion for prolonging the inevitable, she’s ready to get to work and figure out how to stop the take over. It’s super satisfying to see her trusting Tyrion, and really looking to him for advice and counsel. Dany wants to run in and kill everyone, burning the cities to the ground. Tyrion reminds her that she sounds like her crazy old dad, and he also manages to make mention of all that Wildfyre her father planted around Kings Landing (foreshadowing for the finale, anyone?), and Dany quickly takes back her statement.
The old masters try to get Dany to surrender which she predictably refuses. The other dragons are released, and don’t seem too pissed off at having been chained in a dungeon for several seasons. Dany sets dragon fire to the ships, and makes it pretty fucking clear there will be no more slavery. In a move that makes the world of Essos and Westeros look like it’s the distance from Florida to New York, Yara and Theon show up in Mereen and offer their ships. There is some very epic flirting between Yara and Dany, which I fully support, and now officially ship. Dany accepts their ships, and their offer, and it’s the start of a beautiful friendship.
Ramsey, Sansa, and Jon all meet up before the battle to exchange words. Jon offers hand to hand combat with Ramsey so no one has to die, except one of them. Ramsey obviously refuses, and so battle is declared. Davos finds Shireen’s burn site, and the daggers in his eyes confirms we haven’t heard the end of it.
At the start of the battle, Ramsey releases Rickon. He shoots arrows at the kid, letting him run back to Jon. Rickon runs in a straight line to get back to his rightful side. WHY IN THE WORLD DID HE NOT RUN IN A ZIG-ZAG FORMATION?! I know NOTHING about battle tactics or how to outrun an arrow, but it seems entirely obvious that his go to would have been zig-zagging as to not get hit. At the last moment one finds him right in the chest. It’s sad to see, but I think we all agree that if we had to pick any Stark to die tonight, it was going to be Rickon.
The battle starts and I can’t help thinking, where was Ghost? I’m guessing with the dragons, the giant, and the dogs at the end, the CGI budget was completely tapped out at the end of this episode. The battle is some of the best shit I’ve seen on TV in a long time. It was chaotic and grimy, and the tactics medieval in nature. It was one of the best scenes of this entire series. There’s a terrible moment when it looks like Jon might die of asphyxiation from being crushed to death by the weight of dead bodies. For some reason my mind blanked on Sansa writing that letter to ‘someone’ which we all guessed was Petyr Baelish but it was never confirmed. So just as it seems all hope is lost the Knights of the Vale show up, and with some relief, Jon, Wun-Wun, and Tormund charge for the gates of Winterfell. It’s a tough gate to crack, but I guess when you have a giant, it seems like childs play.
When Ramsey and Jon lock eyes again, Ramsey tries to bargain with a one-on-one fight. Jon has had enough of this little shit, and charges him nearly beating his face in to death, but stopping just in time as he sees Sansa. The look in her eyes says, “Please let me decide how this fucker goes.” And so Ramsey wakes up in a holding cell where his man-eating dogs surround him, having not fed them for seven days. In a beautiful form of revenge, the dogs eat Ramsey alive, and I can’t really think of a better way for that death to go.
Stark banners fall on the walls of Winterfell once more (new intro next week?), and we end the episode with a beautiful ghost of a smile on Sansa’s face as she listens to the dogs rip Ramsey’s face apart.
Things that still need to be wrapped up:
- Where is Arya headed and when will she get there? With this new teleportation system the show has going on, hopefully she can reunite with her siblings in Winterfell soon.
- What’s Bran up to? Where is he going, what is his new purpose, and will he see his family again?
- What will be the fate of the Lannisters? Jamie is breaking bread with the Freys (despicable), while Cersei awaits trial with Loras. Will she take King’s Landing down with her? How much longer does Tommen even have on the throne? Where is Ser Pounce?
- Why is the Hound back? What will be his purpose? An epic showdown with this zombie brother?
- Will Brienne and Pod make it back to Winterfell?
- When will Dany set sail for Westeros?
- Will Davos out the Red Lady for killing Shrieen?
Best quotes this week:
– “My hounds will never harm me.” – Ramsey Bolton
– “Our father’s were evil men. All of us here. They left the world worse than they found it. We aren’t going to do that. We are going to leave the world better than we found it.” – Dany
– “Happy shitting.” – Tormund Giantsbane
– “Bury my brother in the crypt. Next to my father.” – Jon Snow
– “His big cock. I think he said. Yuron’s offer is also an offer of marriage, you see you won’t get one without the other.” -Yara
“And your offer is free of any marriage demands?” – Dany
“I never demand, but I’m up for anything really.” –Yara
A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Six: Blood of My Blood
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
It seemed like a rather dull episode, but when you think about it quite a bit happened, and a lot was revealed. We don’t hear anything from Sansa and Jon, or Tyrion and Varys, but some big revelations were made this episode that really set us up for the final four of the season.
The most exciting news by far was Benjen Stark’s return. It makes the second time (and possibly not last, if the books have anything to say about it) that a Stark has returned from the dead. Before Benjen saves Bran and Meera, we get to see the exciting last moments between Jamie and the Mad King in Bran’s visions. In about five minutes, Bran is now fully up to date on pretty much everything that has happened in Essos and Westeros, past and future. Oh, except TOWER OF JOY, OH MY GOD WHY ISN’T THIS CONFIRMED YET? We find out that Benjen is half Wight; the children of the forest stopped the ‘curse’ with dragon glass before he could transform completely into a White Walker. We also know that he knows about the previous three-eyed raven (the current one being Bran) so this could be a very exciting turn of events for Bran and Meera. Let’s hope they head toward The Wall, and eventually Winterfell to meet up with his siblings.
A lot of time was spent on Gilly and Sam this episode. This normally can turn out pretty boring, but it was actually a very interesting bit of the episode. Sam took Gilly to his father’s home, and no surprise, Sam’s father was exactly the kind of awful person Sam always said he was. Gilly stood up for Sam, but in the end ousted herself as a Wildling. Sam was going to leave her and baby Sam with his father while he is at the Citadel, but Sam FINALLY after six long seasons has grown up, and isn’t taking any more of his father’s shit. After a fight with this father he, baby Sam, and Gilly leave in the middle of the night, but not before stealing his father’s 500 year old family sword, Heartsbane, which means more to him than his entire castle, and family combined. What Sam hoped to accomplish with this we are still not sure, but it was good to see him finally flip the bird to his worthless father. Maybe he will take it back to the wall, knowing that his father will come for it. Then his father can see the White Walkers first hand.
In the biggest upset in Lannister history, Tommen and Margaery have decided to give up on her brother and serve the High Sparrow which pleases the common people, but leaves the rest of the Tyrell’s and the Lannister’s confused, and a bit pissed off. Tommen is a compete pawn in this game, and I believe that Margaery has given up all her ambition to be Queen to serve the faith as much as I believe Ned Stark is going to come back with a sewn on head. I’m just not buying it. She’s in it for the end game, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Margaery is Queen on the Iron Throne when Daenerys finally shows up. I have a pretty good feeling this will be Tommen’s last season.
I also get the feeling that Cleganbowl is finally coming to a head. Cleaganbowl (meaning, the ‘Super Bowl’ battle between The Hound, and his brother, The Mountain), is a fan theory that dates back since we found out how much The Hound hates his brother, and how he burned him as a child. We never saw The Hound die, and it looks like Cersei is going to go to trial by combat with The Mountain as her champion. Could it be that the High Sparrow has The Hound hiding somewhere up his sleeve, and we will finally get the justice we so desperately want to see The Hound receive? It might be far-fetched but one could hope.
Tommen sends Jamie off to Riverun to take back the castle from the Blackfish. Little does he know he’s about to go up against Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, and his old flame Brienne. If The Mountain loses in trail by combat, Cersei might go bye bye, and then Jamie will be free to take a different side as the Lord of Casterly Rock. This is all speculation of course, and it’s hard to say what will happen here, only that we know it will be interesting.
Finally it is confirmed that Arya is not No One. She is most definitely and always has been Arya Stark. She refuses to make the kill that The Many Faced God desires, and takes her sword, Needle, back from its hiding place. Jaquin is saddened and sends the Waif who keeps beating Arya up, to dispose of her. Why the waif has always had it in for Arya I can’t really tell, unless she is super jealous that sexy Jesus Jaquin seems to prefer Arya to her. When Jaquin agrees to let the Waif dispose of Arya, he at least seems to do it reluctantly. Arya takes needle and lays down in her bed with it in the House of Black and White. Is she waiting for the Waif to come get her?
Dany rides with her Dothraki back to Mereen, but senses Drogon on the way. Dany makes a speech to her Dothraki about how they will take back Westeros, and it seems like a tired old speech for Dany to give at this point except this time she gives it on the back of a fully tamed Drogon. It’s a big deal for her to finally be worthy of his obedience to and show her power to the Dothraki. Even better if she rides to Mereen on it, and gets her ass on that ship to Westeros.
Best quotes this week:
- “That’s your father’s sword, won’t he come for it?” – Gilly
- “He can bloody well try.” Samwell Tarly.
A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Five: The Door
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
And then there were two. Just two direwolves left. Ghost and Nymeria. We assume, of course, that Arya’s is still alive somewhere. Hoping that she will make an appearance in the most badass possible way at some point in time. With the execution of Bran’s Direwolf, Summer, just like the Starks, the Direwolves’ numbers are dwindling.
The super delegates sat their asses behind Hilary Clinton this week, I mean Euron Greyjoy. Bernie Sanders, I mean Yara Greyjoy seems to not have enough for the nomination. It was nice to see Theon go to bat for his sister, but it’s called a KINGSmoot for a reason. No queens allowed. Euron admits he killed his brother, and no one seems to give a fuck since he has a penis and Greyjoy blood. Seeing the worst, the siblings take all the best ships and book it out of Pyke. Good thing Euron didn’t tell them of his plan to unite with Dany, oh wait he did. Interested to see where the two end up. What’s dead will most certainly die if Euron thinks he can just go off and have Dany for his own.
Meanwhile Petyr Baelish has to look uncomfortable for the first time ever, trying to spin that whole ‘oops, I left you with a psycho’ thing. Clearly this is the season of Sansa not taking anyone’s shit, as she sends him packing. He does mention to her that her great-uncle Brynden the Blackfish has retaken Riverrun so he could help her in gaining more men to her side. The fact that LITTLEFINGER told her this, and she’s taking him at his word, worries me a bit. They could be walking into a trap. Why not kill 2/4 of the remaining Starks?
The one thing about this show is we can always assume the worst and rarely be disappointed. Jon, Sansa, Pod, Brienne, and Tormund, head off to make some friends and remind the North that the Starks are still alive and kicking. There is some more weird amazing sexual tension between Brienne and Tormund this week, and it builds to a crescendo with creepy looks of longing across the distance of mounted horses. “And that Wildling fellow with the beard,” Brienne says, fully not understanding what epicness awaits her. Can’t wait for that one to happen.
Arya gets smacked around for a good ten minutes once again. Jaquin H’agar wants Arya to kill a nobody actress who performs a play in Bravvos. We do see a pretty clever play, which genuinely made me laugh, and had some great writing. Arya agrees to do the killing, but isn’t super thrilled about the idea. However, in order to continue training and exact her revenge, she must continue to play the part of no one.
No word from King’s Landing this episode, but I can guarantee we will be getting our war with the High Sparrow next episode.
Dany finally finds out about Jorah’s grayscale and commands him to go find a cure. Yawn. She had a good run last episode so we will forgive her for the sleep inducing scenes this episode. She and her Dothraki are off the Mereen to gather the rest of their army and HOPEFULLY go to war.
Tyrion and Varys have brokered a fragile peace in Mereen. They call on another Red Lady, Kinvara, the high priestess of the red temple of Volantis to put out the good word of their work. Let’s hope they can reunite with Dany soon, and her and Tyrion can ride the dragons back to Westeros (in my dreams).
We find out quite a bit about the origin of the White Walkers. The Children seemed to have created them to protect themselves against men from Westeros. The only problem being that their robot overloads seem to have rebelled against their creators. Bran decides to do some ‘weir walking’ on his own, and the leader of the Night King touches him and brands him, gaining him access to the cave where they are hiding.
Hold the door. Hold door. Holddoor. Hodor. There you have it people. The origin of Hodor. He had a ‘seizure’ as a child, and saw his own death, damaging him beyond repair. If you weren’t crying in that scene then you clearly have no heart. RIP big bear. As they attempt to run, Summer sacrifices himself (WHYYYY), and Hodor holds the door so Bran and Meera can escape. How will the two traverse through the ice and snow without him? Who knows. Will we EVER find out about what really went down at the Tower of Joy yet? Probably not until the season finale will all our dreams be confirmed (LET’S HOPE).
Best quotes this week:
- “Did you know about Ramsey? If you didn’t know you’re an idiot, and if you did know then you’re my enemy.” – Sansa Stark
- “Not him (Jon), he seems trustworthy. A bit brooding perhaps.” Brienne, in the understatement of the century