Jon Snow

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E10: The Winds of Winter

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Ten: The Winds of Winter

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It’s fitting that the title of this episode is the title of the next book in the Song of Ice and Fire series. You know the one that George RR Martin is taking a million years to write. Well, save yourself the trouble of waiting, and just watch this 10 hour season instead.

It was an extremely satisfying season overall. There were some lows, but mostly highs. It was nice to overall feel like the ‘good people’ didn’t get screwed over and over again per usual. The season finale starts with the credits showing a direwolf back on the top of Winterfell, but we also see Dorne show up on the map so I guess we have to deal with that too.

The episode starts out beautifully with Cersei, Tommen, the High Sparrow, and Margaery all getting ready for the day. The music in this scene was incredible, and also very unlike anything we’ve heard before in the series. It looks like everyone is getting ready for a funeral, and it’s fair to say we were all very on edge about who will live, and who will die this episode. In the end we should have known that Cersei was wearing black for everyone else’s funeral. She concocts an elaborate plan to gather everyone in the Sept for her trial, then blow up the entire thing with stores of wildfire.

Of course Margaery realizes her plan, but when she announces Cersei’s intent, the Sparrow ridiculously won’t let anyone leave and so everyone dies. RIP Natalie Dormer’s character. You were very good looking, and it’s sad to not have you to look at anymore. Cersei keeps Tommen from going to the Sept, and when he sees it blown to pieces, it is clear that the only thing that was keeping him together was probably his wife. In an act I didn’t see coming, Tommen barely hesitates as he walks toward a window and jumps out of it.

To me, it was the most shocking part of the episode (only because R+L=J has been on my radar for some time now – we will get to that don’t worry). Cersei’s victory isn’t sweet. She has lost everything just as she becomes Queen of Westeros. Jamie shows up, and he gives her a brief ‘WTF’ look, and she replies with an ‘I thought we were the only people who matter’ look. Jamie seems to be cool with it though, which once again proves Book Jamie is 1,000 times better than TV Show Jamie.

On a boring but adorable note, Sam and Gilly show up at the Citadel. Sam is like Belle in Beauty and the Beast when he sees the library and pretty much gives zero fucks when the guy says Gilly and the baby can’t come in. He gives her that look like, “Sorry, but who care, you can stay here, I need to go visit my peeps.” His peeps happen to be tons upon tons of books. Sam is there to be a Maester just in case anyone forgot, but I think his real purpose will be finding one of those books that will tell him how to defeat White Walkers. Otherwise what a wasteful storyline.

A white raven is sent from the Citadel to Winterfell to let Jon know Sam has made it. A white raven symbolizes that Winter IS finally fucking here, and Jon and Sansa share a knowing glance that acknowledges their house saying is no longer relevant. Davos calls out the Red Woman for killing Shireen, and Jon banishes her South. She will eventually no doubt meet up with Dany and start worshiping her.

Jon and Sansa share a beautiful moment where she accepts him as a Stark, and apologizes for not telling him about the Knights of the Vale. Sansa says anyone would be a fool to trust Littlefinger. Littlefinger confesses to Sansa all he wants is himself on the Iron Throne with her next to him. For once, he might be telling the truth, but WHY Sansa seems mildly intrigued by this idea is beyond me. Considering she JUST SAID anyone would be a fool to trust him. I’m hoping she isn’t playing that game, but they exchange some worrisome glances later in the evening as the rest of the Northern houses sit at Winterfell proclaiming their alliance to Jon ‘Stark’. Once again Lady Mormont knows what’s up, and leads the grown men in a declaration of ‘King of the North’.

Olenna Tyrell shows up in Dorne and tells all the sand snakes to STFU, which was pretty epic considering we’re all thinking it. Varys appears, and is pretty much like, ‘How about joining the Dragon Queen?’, and everyone agrees, so that’s the end of that story.

Dany dismisses ‘that guy she is sleeping with’ via Tyrion’s orders. She seems bored the entire time by it, and does finally admit she felt nothing while doing it. It’s a sad moment where she confesses to Tyrion she’s worried she’ll never love anyone, and Tyrion confesses to her that he doesn’t have faith in anything, but he has faith in her. It’s a beautiful moment, and she gives him a ‘Hand of the Queen’ pin that she had made, which he gladly accepts.

Her scene ends as the Greyjoys are sailing to Westeros alongside the Dothraki, the Unsullied, Greyworm, Messandi, Tyrion, Dany, three dragons, and the mysterious teleporting Varys who has somehow sailed to Dorne and back in one episode and is now on a ship. I KNOW that we have to assume all of these events are taking months at a time, because no one wants to watch a show where people travel constantly, but sometimes it’s hard to keep that in mind.

Speaking of time travel, Arya is suddenly in Westeros. She bakes a pie full of dead Frey sons to give to Walder Frey. Arya is wearing a mask, and she takes it off to reveal herself to Walder as she slits his throat. Satisfaction and vengeance for the Red Wedding. Now go to Winterfell and reunite with your kin!

Benjen Stark leaves Bran and Meera just in front of the wall at a weirwood. Bran decides now is a good time to end that Tower of Joy cliffhanger we’ve been dealing with since one of the first episodes of the season. Finally R+L=J. This is a fan theory that Rhaegar Targaryen (Dany’s brother), didn’t actually kidnap Lyanna Stark, they were really in love with each other, and she died in childbirth, giving birth to their son, Jon Targaryn. A young Ned finds her bloody and broken on a bed, and she confesses that the baby is hers and Rhaegar’s. She asks Ned to keep the baby, and raise it as his own bastard for the baby’s safety. Jon is half Targaryen and half Stark. Kind of a big fucking deal. Now we are really getting into the Song of Ice and Fire.

So Jon isn’t a bastard after all. He is practically royalty. I’m hoping him and Dany can get along when she shows up considering that Jon is her…nephew? Maybe a marriage? The Targaryen’s never had trouble in the past marrying each other. Yikes. What a fucking season.

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Best quotes this week:

– “My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die.” – Arya Stark
– “There’s something wrong. Cersei is not here. Tommen is not here. Why do you think they are not here? Forget about the bloody Gods, and listen to what I’m telling you. Cersei understands the consequences of her absence and she is absent anyway. Which means she is not intending to suffer those consequences. The trial can wait. We all need to leave. We all need to leave now. Loras, stay with me. Let me through, let me through. Get out of my way! Let us through!” – Margaery Tyrell
– “We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war against ourselves, we have so many enemies now.” – Jon Snow
– “Jon a raven came from the citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” – Sansa Stark
– “Fire and blood.” – Varys
– “Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen.” – Danaryes Targarean
– “But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers. We know no king, but the King in the North, whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He is my King, from this day, until his last day.” – Lady Mormont, the real MVP

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E09 – ‘Battle of the Bastards’

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Nine: Battle of the Bastards

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

SO MANY THINGS. I feel like a million epic events happened tonight. Events we have been Owaiting for since the end of Season one. In Lord of the Rings style epicnesss, we’ve got dragons, we’ve got revenge, and we’ve got TWO battles. On a directorial note, the cinematography of this episode was some of the best I’ve seen on TV, perhaps ever. I hear an Emmy calling.  

In Mereen, Dany is back, and instead of scolding Tyrion for prolonging the inevitable, she’s ready to get to work and figure out how to stop the take over. It’s super satisfying to see her trusting Tyrion, and really looking to him for advice and counsel. Dany wants to run in and kill everyone, burning the cities to the ground. Tyrion reminds her that she sounds like her crazy old dad, and he also manages to make mention of all that Wildfyre her father planted around Kings Landing (foreshadowing for the finale, anyone?), and Dany quickly takes back her statement.

The old masters try to get Dany to surrender which she predictably refuses. The other dragons are released, and don’t seem too pissed off at having been chained in a dungeon for several seasons. Dany sets dragon fire to the ships, and makes it pretty fucking clear there will be no more slavery. In a move that makes the world of Essos and Westeros look like it’s the distance from Florida to New York, Yara and Theon show up in Mereen and offer their ships. There is some very epic flirting between Yara and Dany, which I fully support, and now officially ship. Dany accepts their ships, and their offer, and it’s the start of a beautiful friendship.

Ramsey, Sansa, and Jon all meet up before the battle to exchange words. Jon offers hand to hand combat with Ramsey so no one has to die, except one of them. Ramsey obviously refuses, and so battle is declared. Davos finds Shireen’s burn site, and the daggers in his eyes confirms we haven’t heard the end of it.

At the start of the battle, Ramsey releases Rickon. He shoots arrows at the kid, letting him run back to Jon. Rickon runs in a straight line to get back to his rightful side. WHY IN THE WORLD DID HE NOT RUN IN A ZIG-ZAG FORMATION?! I know NOTHING about battle tactics or how to outrun an arrow, but it seems entirely obvious that his go to would have been zig-zagging as to not get hit. At the last moment one finds him right in the chest. It’s sad to see, but I think we all agree that if we had to pick any Stark to die tonight, it was going to be Rickon.

The battle starts and I can’t help thinking, where was Ghost? I’m guessing with the dragons, the giant, and the dogs at the end, the CGI budget was completely tapped out at the end of this episode. The battle is some of the best shit I’ve seen on TV in a long time. It was chaotic and grimy, and the tactics medieval in nature. It was one of the best scenes of this entire series. There’s a terrible moment when it looks like Jon might die of asphyxiation from being crushed to death by the weight of dead bodies. For some reason my mind blanked on Sansa writing that letter to ‘someone’ which we all guessed was Petyr Baelish but it was never confirmed. So just as it seems all hope is lost the Knights of the Vale show up, and with some relief, Jon, Wun-Wun, and Tormund charge for the gates of Winterfell. It’s a tough gate to crack, but I guess when you have a giant, it seems like childs play.

When Ramsey and Jon lock eyes again, Ramsey tries to bargain with a one-on-one fight. Jon has had enough of this little shit, and charges him nearly beating his face in to death, but stopping just in time as he sees Sansa. The look in her eyes says, “Please let me decide how this fucker goes.” And so Ramsey wakes up in a holding cell where his man-eating dogs surround him, having not fed them for seven days. In a beautiful form of revenge, the dogs eat Ramsey alive, and I can’t really think of a better way for that death to go.

Stark banners fall on the walls of Winterfell once more (new intro next week?), and we end the episode with a beautiful ghost of a smile on Sansa’s face as she listens to the dogs rip Ramsey’s face apart.

Things that still need to be wrapped up:

  • Where is Arya headed and when will she get there? With this new teleportation system the show has going on, hopefully she can reunite with her siblings in Winterfell soon.
  • What’s Bran up to? Where is he going, what is his new purpose, and will he see his family again?
  • What will be the fate of the Lannisters? Jamie is breaking bread with the Freys (despicable), while Cersei awaits trial with Loras. Will she take King’s Landing down with her? How much longer does Tommen even have on the throne? Where is Ser Pounce?
  • Why is the Hound back? What will be his purpose? An epic showdown with this zombie brother?
  • Will Brienne and Pod make it back to Winterfell?
  • When will Dany set sail for Westeros?
  • Will Davos out the Red Lady for killing Shrieen?
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Best quotes this week:

– “My hounds will never harm me.” – Ramsey Bolton

– “Our father’s were evil men. All of us here. They left the world worse than they found it. We aren’t going to do that. We are going to leave the world better than we found it.” – Dany

– “Happy shitting.” – Tormund Giantsbane

– “Bury my brother in the crypt. Next to my father.” – Jon Snow

– “His big cock. I think he said. Yuron’s offer is also an offer of marriage, you see you won’t get one without the other.” -Yara

“And your offer is free of any marriage demands?” – Dany

“I never demand, but I’m up for anything really.” –Yara

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E06 – “Blood of My Blood”

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Six: Blood of My Blood

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It seemed like a rather dull episode, but when you think about it quite a bit happened, and a lot was revealed. We don’t hear anything from Sansa and Jon, or Tyrion and Varys, but some big revelations were made this episode that really set us up for the final four of the season.

The most exciting news by far was Benjen Stark’s return. It makes the second time (and possibly not last, if the books have anything to say about it) that a Stark has returned from the dead. Before Benjen saves Bran and Meera, we get to see the exciting last moments between Jamie and the Mad King in Bran’s visions. In about five minutes, Bran is now fully up to date on pretty much everything that has happened in Essos and Westeros, past and future. Oh, except TOWER OF JOY, OH MY GOD WHY ISN’T THIS CONFIRMED YET? We find out that Benjen is half Wight; the children of the forest stopped the ‘curse’ with dragon glass before he could transform completely into a White Walker. We also know that he knows about the previous three-eyed raven (the current one being Bran) so this could be a very exciting turn of events for Bran and Meera. Let’s hope they head toward The Wall, and eventually Winterfell to meet up with his siblings.

A lot of time was spent on Gilly and Sam this episode. This normally can turn out pretty boring, but it was actually a very interesting bit of the episode. Sam took Gilly to his father’s home, and no surprise, Sam’s father was exactly the kind of awful person Sam always said he was. Gilly stood up for Sam, but in the end ousted herself as a Wildling. Sam was going to leave her and baby Sam with his father while he is at the Citadel, but Sam FINALLY after six long seasons has grown up, and isn’t taking any more of his father’s shit. After a fight with this father he, baby Sam, and Gilly leave in the middle of the night, but not before stealing his father’s 500 year old family sword, Heartsbane, which means more to him than his entire castle, and family combined. What Sam hoped to accomplish with this we are still not sure, but it was good to see him finally flip the bird to his worthless father. Maybe he will take it back to the wall, knowing that his father will come for it. Then his father can see the White Walkers first hand.

In the biggest upset in Lannister history, Tommen and Margaery have decided to give up on her brother and serve the High Sparrow which pleases the common people, but leaves the rest of the Tyrell’s and the Lannister’s confused, and  a bit pissed off. Tommen is a compete pawn in this game, and I believe that Margaery has given up all her ambition to be Queen to serve the faith as much as I believe Ned Stark is going to come back with a sewn on head. I’m just not buying it. She’s in it for the end game, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Margaery is Queen on the Iron Throne when Daenerys finally shows up. I have a pretty good feeling this will be Tommen’s last season.

I also get the feeling that Cleganbowl is finally coming to a head. Cleaganbowl (meaning, the ‘Super Bowl’ battle between The Hound, and his brother, The Mountain), is a fan theory that dates back since we found out how much The Hound hates his brother, and how he burned him as a child. We never saw The Hound die, and it looks like Cersei is going to go to trial by combat with The Mountain as her champion. Could it be that the High Sparrow has The Hound hiding somewhere up  his sleeve, and we will finally get the justice we so desperately want to see The Hound receive? It might be far-fetched but one could hope.  

Tommen sends Jamie off to Riverun to take back the castle from the Blackfish. Little does he know he’s about to go up against Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, and his old flame Brienne. If The Mountain loses in trail by combat, Cersei might go bye bye, and then Jamie will be free to take a different side as the Lord of Casterly Rock. This is all speculation of course, and it’s hard to say what will happen here, only that we know it will be interesting.

Finally it is confirmed that Arya is not No One. She is most definitely and always has been Arya Stark. She refuses to make the kill that The Many Faced God desires, and takes her sword, Needle, back from its hiding place. Jaquin is saddened and sends the Waif who keeps beating Arya up, to dispose of her. Why the waif has always had it in for Arya I can’t really tell, unless she is super jealous that sexy Jesus Jaquin seems to prefer Arya to her. When Jaquin agrees to let the Waif dispose of Arya, he at least seems to do it reluctantly. Arya takes needle and lays down in her bed with it in the House of Black and White. Is she waiting for the Waif to come get her?

Dany rides with her Dothraki back to Mereen, but senses Drogon on the way. Dany makes a speech to her Dothraki about how they will take back Westeros, and it seems like a tired old speech for Dany to give at this point except this time she gives it on the back of a fully tamed Drogon. It’s a big deal for her to finally be worthy of his obedience to and show her power to the Dothraki. Even better if she rides to Mereen on it, and gets her ass on that ship to Westeros.

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Best quotes this week:

  • “That’s your father’s sword, won’t he come for it?” – Gilly
  • “He can bloody well try.” Samwell Tarly.

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E05 – “The Door”

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Five: The Door

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

And then there were two. Just two direwolves left. Ghost and Nymeria. We assume, of course, that Arya’s is still alive somewhere. Hoping that she will make an appearance in the most badass possible way at some point in time. With the execution of Bran’s Direwolf, Summer, just like the Starks, the Direwolves’ numbers are dwindling.

The super delegates sat their asses behind Hilary Clinton this week, I mean Euron Greyjoy. Bernie Sanders, I mean Yara Greyjoy seems to not have enough for the nomination. It was nice to see Theon go to bat for his sister, but it’s called a KINGSmoot for a reason. No queens allowed. Euron admits he killed his brother, and no one seems to give a fuck since he has a penis and Greyjoy blood. Seeing the worst, the siblings take all the best ships and book it out of Pyke. Good thing Euron didn’t tell them of his plan to unite with Dany, oh wait he did. Interested to see where the two end up. What’s dead will most certainly die if Euron thinks he can just go off and have Dany for his own.

Meanwhile Petyr Baelish has to look uncomfortable for the first time ever, trying to spin that whole ‘oops, I left you with a psycho’ thing. Clearly this is the season of Sansa not taking anyone’s shit, as she sends him packing. He does mention to her that her great-uncle Brynden the Blackfish has retaken Riverrun so he could help her in gaining more men to her side. The fact that LITTLEFINGER told her this, and she’s taking him at his word, worries me a bit. They could be walking into a trap. Why not kill 2/4 of the remaining Starks?

The one thing about this show is we can always assume the worst and rarely be disappointed. Jon, Sansa, Pod, Brienne, and Tormund, head off to make some friends and remind the North that the Starks are still alive and kicking. There is some more weird amazing sexual tension between Brienne and Tormund this week, and it builds to a crescendo with creepy looks of longing across the distance of mounted horses. “And that Wildling fellow with the beard,” Brienne says, fully not understanding what epicness awaits her.  Can’t wait for that one to happen.

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Arya gets smacked around for a good ten minutes once again. Jaquin H’agar wants Arya to kill a nobody actress who performs a play in Bravvos. We do see a pretty clever play, which genuinely made me laugh, and had some great writing. Arya agrees to do the killing, but isn’t super thrilled about the idea. However, in order to continue training and exact her revenge, she must continue to play the part of no one.

No word from King’s Landing this episode, but I can guarantee we will be getting our war with the High Sparrow next episode.

Dany finally finds out about Jorah’s grayscale and commands him to go find a cure. Yawn. She had a good run last episode so we will forgive her for the sleep inducing scenes this episode. She and her Dothraki are off the Mereen to gather the rest of their army and HOPEFULLY go to war.  

Tyrion and Varys have brokered a fragile peace in Mereen. They call on another Red Lady, Kinvara, the high priestess of the red temple of Volantis to put out the good word of their work. Let’s hope they can reunite with Dany soon, and her and Tyrion can ride the dragons back to Westeros (in my dreams).

We find out quite a bit about the origin of the White Walkers. The Children seemed to have created them to protect themselves against men from Westeros. The only problem being that their robot overloads seem to have rebelled against their creators. Bran decides to do some ‘weir walking’ on his own, and the leader of the Night King touches him and brands him, gaining him access to the cave where they are hiding.

Hold the door. Hold door. Holddoor. Hodor. There you have it people. The origin of Hodor. He had a ‘seizure’ as a child, and saw his own death, damaging him beyond repair. If you weren’t crying in that scene then you clearly have no heart. RIP big bear. As they attempt to run, Summer sacrifices himself (WHYYYY), and Hodor holds the door so Bran and Meera can escape. How will the two traverse through the ice and snow without him? Who knows. Will we EVER find out about what really went down at the Tower of Joy yet? Probably not until the season finale will all our dreams be confirmed (LET’S HOPE).  

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Best quotes this week:

  • “Did you know about Ramsey? If you didn’t know you’re an idiot, and if you did know then you’re my enemy.” – Sansa Stark
  • “Not him (Jon), he seems trustworthy. A bit brooding perhaps.” Brienne, in the understatement of the century

A Recap of Thrones: S06 E04 “Book of the Stranger”

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Four: Book of the Stranger

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

The episode of sibling reunions, and fire and blood. Making up for last week’s mediocre episode, Book of the Stranger strikes back and gives us everything we’ve been wanting with the exception of one unfortunate death. Let’s kick this review off in Westeros.

Margaery and Loras reunite in a scene that shows just how strong Margaery is, and how weak Loras has become. Loras is at his breaking point, whereas Margaery is stronger than ever and ready to cut a bitch. The High Sparrow confided to Tommen that Margaery would have to do her own walk of shame and Tommen being the brave king he is, held Ser Pounce tight and went to go tell his Mommy. At the small council meeting, the 1% of Westeros decide to rally forces to go against the High Sparrow. Cersei gets the Tyrell’s to agree to march on the Sept with their army, and is clearly hoping Margaery gets slain in the process. I’m sure if she lives, Cersei will have another plan up her sleeve to get rid of her, but with the Tyrell army behind her it’s hard to see how she will lose this round especially when The Rains Of Castamere starts playing in the background.

Yara reunites with brother Theon, and is understandably pissed at first. When Theon admits he wants to see her as King of the Iron Islands she accepts his return. This will inevitably lead to what I hope is a successful King’s Moot for her, and a plea to fight with the Starks to take back the north from Ramsey.

Littlefinger is back, and he comes bearing gifts to the Little Boobsucker Lord bribing him easily, and showing the power he holds over him. I’m hoping we eventually get another scene with Petyr and Varys again. Those two are making all of these chess pieces move. What their true intentions are, is still a bit unclear. I personally think they are the two great heroes of this story; doing whatever they have to, making sure the right people are on the throne. While Littlefinger does it more for power, I think Varys and him are the smartest people on this show. With ease, Littlefigner convinces Little Boobsucker Lord that they need to ride north to Castle Black and join forces with pretty much EVERYONE to defeat the Boltons.

In a sad, but not altogether unpredictable death, Osha tries and fails to seduce Ramsey to death, and he instead beats her to the punch. It would have been nice to see Ramsey go, and we all love Osha, but it would have been an anticlimactic death. I’m personally hoping Wun Wun rips him apart limb by limb. Slowly. That or Theon and Sansa take turns cutting off his dick, inch by inch.

We FINALLY get to see a reunion of Starks. I screamed when the doors to Castle Black opened and in strut Sansa, Pod, and Brienne. It is happening. IT. IS. HAPPENING. Sansa was always rather mean to Jon growing up, seeing him as a bastard and not her true brother, but when you’ve been through what they have, sometimes all you need is a little hug from your family. It was such a satisfying moment. Also looking forward to seeing more of that weird sexual tension between Tormund and Lady Brienne. Davos nearly finds out from Brienne that Melisandre burned Shireen alive. The Red Lady admits only that she now is obsessively stalking Jon Snow as the new Lord of Light. Brienne admits to executing Stannis which left Davos a bit speechless, and left time for Melisandre to quietly walk away before the subject of Shireen came up again. Sansa has become Jon’s backbone in a move that surprises no one, as Jon has never been able to say no to a red head. When Ramsey sends Jon a letter threatening him, Sansa, Rickon, and all of the wildlings, he finally decides enough is enough and agrees to take back Winterfell. The Bastard Bowl has begun.

Over in Essos, Tyrion is trying to make peace with his enemies. He comprises with the enemies of Daenerys to bring peace to Mereen and all of Slavers Bay. Tyrion is doing a pretty good job of ruling, but he is also doing it in a typical rich white dude kind of way. He might need to take a step back and listen to the two minorities backing him up. However, it doesn’t really matter what he does, because Dany is coming back with a horde of loyal Dothraki at her side.

Dany takes matters into her own hands as Jorah and That Guy Dany is Sleeping With, find her and try to save her. She laughs in their faces, asking them to step back while she takes care of shit. She burns down the Dosh Khaleen with the Kahl’s in it, and walks out in a scene reminiscent of Carrie. The rest of the Dothraki bow, and finally after many seasons of doing nothing interesting, Dany is back on top bitch. YAS MY QUEEN.

We are in for what is sure to be a very satisfying rest of the season.

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Best quotes this week:

  • “Winterfell is our home. It’s ours…and Arya’s, Bran’s, and Rickon’s, wherever they are. It belongs to our family, and we have to fight for it.” – Sansa Stark
  • “You wait so fat time.” – Tyrion Lannister
  • “You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki. But I am. So  I will.” – Daenerys of House Targaryen, the first of her name, Queen of Mereen, Protector of the Realm, Khalessi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Fucking Dragons

A Recap of Thrones: S6 E03 “Oathbreaker”

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Three: Oathbreaker

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It was the fart heard round the world. Somehow in all the of the deaths we have had on Game of Thrones, old ass Grand Maester Pycelle is still alive and farting. I had to pause the show for a good seven minutes so I could laugh at the absurdity of the moment, so in the spirit of farts let’s kick this review off in King’s Landing.

Cersei’s creepy Doctor Frankenstein guy is now trying to control Varys’ ‘little birds’ which turn out to be the little children of flea bottom. He is looking for dirt on the High Sparrow and it’s only a  matter of time before he gets it. Ser Gregor the zombie gives Pycelle a look so scary he farts his pants. Jamie and Cersei are denied seats on the small council, and Tommen goes to visit the High Sparrow in what seems to be a display of his power, but really just shows how terrible he is at ruling. I’d guess Tommen only has a few episodes left in his life, and I’m betting this is the last episode everyone shits all over the Lannisters.

Jon Snow is alive, and as much of a moral downer as always so it’s safe to say death hasn’t affected his personality much. The Red Woman is so astounded, she is annoyingly convinced the Lord of Light has brought him back for a reason, but last time she thought the Lord of Light had a purpose for her,she burned a little girl alive. Maybe think twice before you make such great assumptions. For those of you Redditors frequenting r/fuckolly, your subreddit is no longer valid. Olly has been fucked, and hanged. I’m disappointed Ghost didn’t get to eat anyone’s face off, but I guess Jon has to sentence the traitors to death with ‘dignity’, or whatever. Jon Snow ended the storyline at the wall tonight, by dropping the mic with a “and now my watch has ended,” giving his lord commander cape to his friend Eddison. I’m sure by now there is a thug life gif of the moment somewhere on the internet. I’m all for it. Let’s get Jon away from this shitty never ending wall storyline and back into the REAL fight.

Ever wondered what happened to the littlest Stark boy? Rickon? Well he ran away with Osha and Shaggy Dog (I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, I WILL JUST END UP CRYING), and it seemed he would never be heard from again, but at least he would be safe. Well, looks like he’s been caught and is now in the arms of Ramsey. So…RIP Osha and Rickon’s  ‘body parts,’ whichever Ramsey chooses them to be.  Maybe Ramsey will use Rickon as a bargaining chip for Sansa to come back? Just when things seemed to be going so well.  

In the BIGGEST upset of the week (yes, even more so than Shaggy Dog’s head on a spike), it looks like we have to follow fat Sam and Gilly to Oldtown. First Sam must stop and try and convince his complete asshole of a father to keep Sam’s ‘bastard,’ and Gilly safe while he goes off adventuring.

Bran has what we think is going to be THE vision. THE VISION THAT WILL CONFIRM ALL OF OUR THEORIES! But alas, the old tree man blue balls us, and pulls Bran away from the truth JUST as we are about to see WHAT IS IN THAT GODDAMN TOWER. The most interesting part of this bit (besides the awesome choreographed fighting), is seeing that Bran might be able to manipulate the past. So no Tower of Joy confirmation theories this episode. Ah well, too much good news too soon is never a good thing.

Dany finally arrives in Vaes Dothrak, and since she ‘went out into the world’ instead of going straight to Vaes Dothrak after Kahl Drogo’s death, she is going to have to go through some kind of trial to decide what her fate will be. Will they let her stay in Vaes Dothrak or will she be punished for breaking the rules? Probably neither. ‘That guy she is sleeping with’ and Jorah will put a stop to it before it comes to that. What a sad plot for the Mother of Dragons.

Varys finds out that the slave owners in neighboring cities to Mereen are funding the Sons of the Harpy rebellion. A fight will have to happen, and I’m hoping dragons are involved. If they’re not, I can guarantee we are in for a snore fest the rest of the season.

Arya trains until she is rewarded her eye sight back. I think it’s time to do some killin’, and get this storyline back on track.

Overall it wasn’t a great episode. Not a lot happened, but I can forgive that because the writers have brought us Jon back. The only thing that is going to piss me off is if Sansa shows up at the wall after Jon leaves. I cannot STAND this almost missing each other thing that the Starks have going on. It drives me insane. Until next week.

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Best quotes this week:

  • “I know that (you’re not a God), I saw your pecker, what kind of God would have a pecker that small?” – Tormund Giantsbane
  • “Did I ever tell you I used to think the sea was called the sea because it was nothing but sea as far as the eye could see? It was before I learned to read…obviously.” – Gilly
  • “My watch has ended.” – Jon Snow

 

A Recap of Thrones: S6 E02 “Home”

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A Recap of Thrones: Season 6, Episode 2: “Home”

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Well once again, not a lot happened this episode. I turned it off at the 50 minute mark because I was getting bored so I will recap up until that point.

We begin north of the wall in our second flashback ever. Bran and the old guy who lives in a tree are watching a young Ned Stark fight his brother Benjen in the yards of Winterfell many years ago. Suddenly Ned’s older sister, Lyanna appears.

“Wait, who’s that?”  Show watchers ask.

“Oh just the answer to every theory ever so hold on tight and pay attention.” book readers reply.

Let’s hope for more flashbacks next episode. Hodor’s real name is Willis, which is basically the perfect name ever, and Myra is bored by Bran’s visions. Well, get over it Myra, we want more flashbacks, and we want to see Tower of Joy.

The Wildlings and Davos take back Castle Black in a fight that lasts all of sixty seconds. The traitors of the Night’s Watch surrender after watching Mag the Mighty slam a watchman into a wall. Smart move boys. Unfortunately Olly, the little shit, and Alliser Thorne get taken to the dungeons instead of having their faces eaten off by Ghost.

A man in flea bottom brags about showing his penis to a naked ‘shamed’ Cersei as she walked the street last season. It doesn’t end well for him as The Mountain Zombie ends his life with one push of his skull against the wall (there’s a lot of that going on this season). Tommen finally looks up from playing with Ser Pounce for five fucking seconds to realize that he let some church with imaginary power take his wife away, and prance his mother naked down the street. Congrats, and  welcome to your kingdom Tommen. The boy king asks for forgiveness from his mother and just as it seems Cersei might throw him out of a window, she forgives him. Jamie tries to go up against the High Sparrow, and realizes he probably shouldn’t just yet.

Back in Mereen, Tyrion does some Hippogriff taming shit with the two remaining dragons that are locked in the dungeons. He gets himself drunk and tries to befriend them, and happily, it works. Looking forward to that storyline moving along.

Arya gets her ass beat once again, but convinces Jaquen that she is No One, so she is brought back to the House of Black and White for more training. GOOD. I can’t stand another episode of Arya not doing anything. I mean, the girl sold oysters all last season (yawn), and only killed one person (it was a good death though). More training ahead!

Ramsey Bolton once again surprises us with his insanity. His father has a baby boy with Fat Walda, but Ramsey can’t have any of that. In a not surprising move, Ramsey kills his father, and then in a slightly surprising move he lets his dogs eat his step mother and new baby brother alive. I mean, we knew he’d kill them, but in that way? Not prepared. But of course he did this, well, because he’s Ramsey. Looking forward to his death ALMOST as much as Joffrey’s at this point.

Okay, now I need you to stretch your mind back to season two of this show, which was the last time we really talked about Theon Greyjoy’s family and the last time we saw Pyke, his home. His father, Baleon Grayjoy sent a bunch of his men out to gain strong holds in the north after Rob died, but they’ve all fallen. Yara, his daughter, is sick of his shitty leadership and is ready to rule. Baleon ignores her, and goes out on a bridge alone where his brother Euron who is believed to be dead appears, and kills him. At Baleon’s funeral Yara tries to make some commands and the men remind her that she must go through a Kingsmoot to become leader. A bit of book history, ‘Kingsmoot’ is tradition in the Iron Islands as a way to choose new rulers via longship captains. These events happen in the A Feast For Crows book, so the show writers seem to be making up for a lot of lost time in ignoring Pyke. I was fairly convinced that they would skip over this entirely, but it makes sense to tie up Theon’s redemption and give Sansa some ally’s in the north when she starts to take over *fingers crossed*.

Brienne, Pod, and Sansa will head for the wall, and a dead Jon Snow, while Theon goes back to Pyke to….I’m not entirely sure. The best part of this scene is Brienne telling Sansa that Arya is still alive. Some good news for her, finally.

And that is basically the episode.

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OKAY FINE. I guess I will go back and watch the last ten minutes, because MAYBE I missed something and – HOLY SHIT IT’S HAPPENING.

Back in season five when Jon Snow was stabbed to death we all thought, “No, that can’t possibly be!” “I REFUSE to believe it.”  “But he IS the ICE, in the ‘song of ICE and FIRE’.” Fear not my friends.

The red woman has not given up yet in her power it seems, as Davos throws all caution and common sense to the wind and ask that she TRY to bring Jon Snow back.

I have ALWAYS believed that this would happen, but knowing how the show runners NEVER let us win anything, I was still not entirely convinced they’d do it. But then there she is, she’s wiping his wounds, cutting his hair and throwing it in the fire, she’s chanting with her hands on his wounds. She chants….she chants….nothing happens. Tormund gives up first, then Melisandre walks away, and his last loyal night watch brethren leave the room. Davos takes one last look at a sleeping Ghost, and gives up as well. I almost do too.

I ALMOST FUCKING DO, AND THEN GHOST, HE WAKES. He looks over at his number one boo, and we wait. We wait for what feels like an eternity as we stare at Jon’s dead cold face….and then his eyes open and he gasps in a deep breath from his goddamn LIVING, BREATHING lungs.

After years of our favorite characters dying in what seemed like an endless circle of losses, we finally get one back. I run around the house, I scream “fuck yeah” a thousand times, I punch the air in victory. It was the best feeling I’ve had all week. I don’t know what that says about me as a person, but I will never forget this moment in cinematic history. Thank you Game of Thrones. Here is to a fucking magnificent remainder of the season.

Best quotes this week:

  • “I’ve never been much of a fighter. Apologies for what you’re about to see.” – Davos
  • “That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things.” –Tyrion
  • *GASP*  – Jon Snow