The O.C. Sundays – Volume Seven: S01:E07 – The Escape


The O.C. Sundays – Volume Seven – Season One: Episode Seven – The Escape

Recap by Holly Hill


Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.



Ya’ll ready for a dramatic AF episode? Seth and Ryan are discussing alibis which isn’t a good sign. Seth says he goes to San Diego Comic-Con every year so it’s the perfect cover up, his parents will never guess where they are really going. Where is that? TO TJ OF COURSE! As The OC kids call it anyway…in plain people speak they mean Tijuana, Mexico. One last hurrah before school starts in the fall. Apparently it’s a tradition for the cool kids and now that Seth has made out with Summer he is dying to go as well.

Ryan doesn’t feel comfortable lying to Seth’s parents and he also doesn’t want to run into Marissa, so he’s not really into the idea. Sandy walks into the kitchen all dressed up for his an annual job interview. It’s with a private law firm and he always gets a great meal out of it which is why he goes, but he turns them down each time because he loves his work as a public defender. Never say never.

Sandy: “How long until you two are leaving on your trip?”

Seth: “I don’t know Ryan, how soon?”

Ryan: “Tomorrow.”

Seth: “Don’t you mean…mañana?”

It’s like Seth is trying to get caught going to Mexico.


At Marissa’s house, Marissa and Summer talk about plans for Tijuana. Summer wants the deets on Marissa and Luke’s hook up. Summer says she should just have sex with him again because it’s way better the second time. Because Summer obviously has lots of experience with sex….or so she says.

Jimmy is on the phone trying to get an apartment ready for him to move into. He is clearly distressed and has not told his kids that he and Julie are getting a divorce. He goes over to Kirsten’s to ask if she knows anyone who can get him a place to live. She says she’ll call her realtor.

Later, Marissa and Luke are making out and he says he can’t wait to go to Tijuana because it’s so romantic. Marissa says it’s gross there. She’s not wrong. Why are they all going to Tijuana again? I guess because they can drink legally there? Marissa says she’s not sure about TJ (AKA Tijuana. God why do they call it that??). She isn’t sure about leaving her Dad alone because she can tell something is wrong. Luke is all mad because she’s backing out of their fuck fest in TJ for her Dad, because Luke’s capacity for empathy is about as tiny as his dick is.


At Ryan’s work, Seth is talking to Ryan about his kiss with Summer. Luke and Marissa walk in and Luke grabs a table so Marissa and Ryan can hey at each other. Ryan asks her how she is and she says last time she saw him he had his hands full of a 24 year old’s ass. Why do you care Marissa? You’re with Luke now, remember? She goes to sit with Luke, Summer, and Holly. She and Holly awkwardly say hi. Things are still not quite right since her dad beat up her dad. Or whatever. Also that time Holly secretly made out with Luke a lot while they were still kind of dating. Marissa tells the gang that she’s baking out of going to TJ.

From the bar, Seth is eavesdropping on the group. Summer doesn’t have a ride without Marissa and she is totally bummed. Meanwhile, behind a fish tank, Holly tries to get Luke to cheat on Marissa with her in TJ. Ryan gives them the ‘eye’ and Luke pretends he was just checking out the clown fish. Seth gets up to invite Summer to drive with him and Ryan to TJ. She gives him a ‘who the hell are you, I don’t remember making out with you’ look. The next day Summer arrives in front of the Cohens with a million bags, ready to hit the road with Ryan and Seth. Sandy comes out to introduce himself saying he didn’t know she was into comic con.

Summer: “Comic books? Ew!”

Seth: “She goes for the Anime.”

Summer goes to say goodbye to Marissa, and when Jimmy asks why she’s still there she says she wanted to spend time with him. Jimmy makes up an excuse that he made plans so he can’t hang out and suddenly Marissa is going to TJ with Summer, Seth, and Ryan.

Kirsten helps Jimmy paint his apartment. Kirsten is very sympathetic to Jimmy’s situation. She presses him to call Marissa because if she comes home and he’s not there, she’s going to be really upset.

Summer and Seth are fighting over music, directions, and when they’ll arrive. Just about everything. They’re practically already married at this point.

Summer: “Somebody drives like an old woman.”

Seth: “Who talks like that?”

In the back seat, Marissa is being rude to Ryan. The AC in the car is broken so Summer complains about her hair.

Summer: “You’re jewish?”

Seth: “Yes it’s why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat.”

Summer takes some time to continue her complaining, but this time about the music and Seth tells her to not insult Death Cab.

Summer has a point.

Seth decides he’s going to pull over and drop Summer off and he pulls haphazardly into a ditch. The gang has to stay in a hotel room overnight until the axle in the car is fixed.

Outside the disgusting hotel where they’ve had to all stop for the night, Ryan is at the vending machines with Marissa who has not stopped being a bitch to him. He asks if she’s ever going to stop being mad at him, and she says she’s not mad at him. Yeah, okay Marissa. He tells her she could have knocked first before she barged into the pool house catching him and Gabriella in the act.

Oh sizzle that sexual tension. Sizzle. Summer comes out in her pajamas which look like a victoria secret’s ad. She tells Seth to get off the bed because she isn’t sleeping on the couch. Seth refuses and she gets in next to him telling him if he makes a move she’ll rip out his jugular.

Marissa gets a phone call from her Dad telling her about the divorce. Ryan listens through the slightly open hotel door. Ryan and Marissa go to sleep on opposite sides of the fold out couch but when they wake up in the morning his arms are wrapped around her.

He asks if she wants to go home, but she thinks they should go anyway. Summer and Seth are at a diner having breakfast and are being mirrors of each other while reading the newspaper and eating. He says that she enjoys his company. She denies it.


Seth: “May I remind you of a time I like to call, ‘The time you kissed me by the pool at my Grandfather’s birthday party.”

Seth: “Face it our chemistry is undeniable.”

Summer: “You know what else is undeniable?

That relationship is off to a good start.

The gang make it to TJ and Summer needs to stop at the pharmacy so she can get some painkillers for her step mom who has taken all the painkillers available in Orange County. Hang tight on the pain pills, we will see them again soon.

At Sandy’s interview he sees Rachel, a hot lawyer who used to work with him at the DA’s office. I guess she works for this company he’s interviewing with now. They start insta-flirting and it’s easy to sense a future marital problem! The company is impressed with how he helped out Jimmy Cooper, and they’re hoping he might be able to come off his high horse and work for them now that he’s helped a rich person.

Sandy comes back from grocery shopping and Kirsten is checking mail in the kitchen. He see’s a new surfboard with a bow on it and finds out it’s from Rachel at the law firm. He confesses to Kirsten that he is actually considering taking the job because he wants to contribute to the household. Kirsten says they have more than enough money. Sandy verbally backslaps Kirsten saying the only thing that keeps her from feeling like Julie Cooper is him because she works and makes more money than him.

The next day Sandy has a follow up interview with hot Rachel. They have lunch and the partners at the firm have sent her to snag Sandy for the job. Kirsten is over at Jimmy’s again screwing in lightbulbs. Jimmy brings up their past and tries to kiss Kirsten. She does not respond and leaves immediately. Sandy comes home that night and says that he’s going to take the job. She neglects to tell him about the Jimmy thing, which will surely backfire later.


At Boom Boom, the hot happening club where all the kids get drunk, Marissa and Summer arrive with Ryan and Seth. Marissa tries to find Luke. Luke is pretty hammered and Holly is pretty grossly flirting with him. They dance and basically fuck each other with their clothes on. Everyone starts taking shots, and just when everyone is starting to feel a bit drunk, Marissa spots Luke and Holly basically banging. She freaks out at Luke as he tries to apologize. Luke says she didn’t think she was coming.


Summer calls Holly a bitch, who announces to everyone that Luke hooks up with freshman, college girls, and basically everyone so they can’t only be mad at her. Summer pushes Holly saying, “Marissa’s parents are getting a divorce you stupid slut!” Seth tells Holly to walk away because Summer suffers from rage blackouts. Ryan tells Luke he doesn’t deserve Marissa and punches Luke in the face. Marissa takes off into the night. You’ll notice she does this a lot. WOW was that enough drama for you? Hang tight! It gets better.

Ryan, Seth, and Summer go looking for Marissa who has gone back to the hotel. Summer finds her and Marissa says she has no one….Luke’s gone, Julie is gone, her Dad is gone. Um, Summer is sitting right next to you, you bitch.

Summer insists they go home and she goes to the bathroom to start packing up their stuff. Marissa sees the pain pills that Summer bought earlier and grabs them, taking off. Summer calls Seth to let them know she found Marissa. She calls out to Marissa who doesn’t respond and Summer realizes that she’s gone and has taken the pills with her. Ryan and Seth show up and it’s another man hunt for Marissa.


Marissa heads to a very divey bar away from all the tourists, downing a handful of pills with tequila. She gets really sweaty and delirious at the bar. She walks out and finds a dirty alley to go die in. Good.

Ryan, Seth, and Summer almost give up looking for her when Ryan passes the alley in question and sees her lying in it. He picks her up in an iconic end scene. Is she dead? Will she pull through! Tune in next week to find out!


Best Song of the Episode:

“A Movie Script ending” by Death Cab for Cutie

Have to mention the first appearance of Death Cab in the show because they will just keep popping up in some fairly iconic scenes throughout the series.

Best Quote:

Seth: “We also have my entire life of never doing anything wrong which lulls my parents into a false sense of trust.”

Ryan: “And you want to throw that all away for Summer in a wet t-shirt doing body shots?”

*Long pause*
Seth: “I’m sorry I thought that was a rhetorical question. Yes Ryan. Yes I do.”

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

You’d think since they were in fucking MEXICO this time at least one person would say ‘hola’ but nope. All white people speaking this time around. Classic OC.

Weird 2003 thing:

People thinking Comic-Con is for nerds only. Once Marvel starts making blockbusters in a few years, Comic-Con will be something all the popular kids will want to go to. Just wait 2003 people. Just you wait.

Best Fashion Statement:

Summer’s Tijuana outfit. Nice late 90’s, early 00’s head bandana.

The O.C. Sundays – Volume 6: S01:E06 – The Girlfriend


The O.C. Sundays – Volume Six – Season One: Episode Six – The Girlfriend

Recap by Holly Hill


Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.


We open on some witty banter from the Cohen’s who have just returned from grocery shopping. They are preparing for a visit from Kirsten’s Dad, Caleb, and his new girlfriend. It’s very clear that Sandy is not looking forward to this as he clearly has animosity toward his father-in-law. Ryan is also not looking forward to it, considering he burned down Caleb’s house.

Caleb suddenly enters and tells Sandy ‘shalom,’ to which Sandy can hardly fucking believe the nerve of this guy. Gabrielle, Caleb’s new girlfriend, is out back for a swim and much to Seth and Ryan’s extreme delight, she is basically a 24 year old supermodel.

Caleb makes some digs at Seth still not being a football player, and he gives Ryan shit for burning down one of his houses. Gabrielle flirts mercilessly with Ryan and Seth in the pool, while they discuss Caleb’s birthday party set two days from now. Gabrielle convinces the boys to invite Summer and Marissa. Ryan is unsure because Marissa may be back with Luke and Seth is unsure because he still isn’t sure Summer knows his name.

Luke drops by Marissa’s house after getting his stitches out of his gunshot wound. Marissa clearly isn’t that excited to see him. Luke knows how lucky he is to have a second chance with his life, and since Marissa was there for him in the hospital, he wants to be there for her with her whole ‘soon to be poor’ thing. Luke gives her a stuffed animal and tells her they’ll take it slow. Super romantic. *eye roll*

Sandy and Kirsten talk to Caleb about his birthday party that Kirsten has been planning. Caleb doesn’t sound that into it, but Sandy insists that he has to go because Kirsten has been working hard on it all month on top of doing all the actual fucking work for his company. Caleb brings up her adoption of Ryan, annoyed she didn’t consult him. As punishment, he says he’s going to scale back her responsibilities at work so she can spend some time with her new son. He’s clearly not passive aggressive at all.

Julie comes by Jimmy’s office to rub it in his face that she had to return China, Caitlin’s horse. Julie says she wants to get a divorce. If she can’t give his daughter a pony then she doesn’t want him at all!

Ryan walks over to Marissa’s and she answers the door so they can breathe/hey at each other. He wants to invite her to the party tonight but Luke is there and suddenly is SUPER kind to Ryan for kind of maybe sort of saving his life, and calling Marissa after it happened to visit him in the hospital. THANKS FOR GETTING US BACK TOGETHER RYAN!

Gabrielle stops by Ryan’s work for a drink, because apparently he still has that job. They flirt and she says he must think it’s weird that she’s with an older guy. Ryan replies with, “I live in a pool house.” Great dialogue. Marissa stops by his work too, to tell him Luke wants to get back together with her. They ‘hey’ and she tells him she doesn’t know what to do or who she wants to be with. Ryan tells her to let him know when she’s made up her mind and Marissa gets all sad. Just make your own personal decision bitch.

Since Marissa can’t make a decision for herself, the next day she invites Summer to lunch to talk it over. Summer says she’s better off with Luke because Ryan comes from a land of knife fights and sex on the hood of cars. Marissa says that’s The Fast and the Furious, not Chino. Well, fuck it might as well be Chino with the way you assholes are always talking about it. Seth and Ryan skateboard/bike by and they stop to ‘hey’ some more at the girls. Summer lets Marissa and Ryan have alone time while asking Seth to accompany her to the salsa bar after he awkwardly introduces himself to her for the millionth time.

Summer gets some picante on her pinky which she doesn’t like, so she asks Seth to lick it off. Summer asks Seth to take her to Caleb’s party, and although he’s unsure why she wants to go with him, he agrees to take her. Ryan apologizes for telling Marissa that she has to make up her own mind and invites her to Caleb’s party too, but Marissa she says she’s already going…with Luke.

Summer and Marissa talk about the party and how Summer is excited to have Seth introduce her to hot, rich, 20-something bankers. So now we understand why she wanted Seth to invite her.

At dinner that night, Caleb says that Seth has a quick wit and asks why he isn’t better at skirt chasing. Your misogyny is showing Caleb, christ. Seth brags that Summer asked him to his party to which Sandy is clearly impressed, because as he says, “Summer is hot.” Seth tells him to please stop. Gabrielle and Ryan eye fuck each other over the table, Seth notices, and Caleb wonders why there isn’t more wine.

Sandy daydreams to Kirsten about her quitting her job, wanting to buy back their old run down house in Berkley. Caleb overhears them talking about it in the kitchen and asks what’s going on. Sandy, without any go ahead from Kirsten, tells him they’re thinking about moving.  Sandy and Caleb fight because of course, and Caleb says he wants Kirsten’s resignation on his desk in the morning. Nice Sandy.

Seth goes to get Gabrielle a good video game to play, leaving Ryan and Gabrielle alone in the pool house. The second he leaves, she admits to Ryan that Caleb bores her. She runs her hand up Ryan’s leg and they start making out. Caleb yells out that they’re leaving and Ryan is left stunned.

The next morning of the party, Ryan and Seth are in the pool together and Seth admits that he’s noticed some heavy flirting. Ryan point blank admits they hooked up, which in early 2000 speak could mean anything from making out to full on BDSM can’t sit for a week shit. It’s a very vague term.

Is no one going to point out that Ryan is 16 (yes I know he looks 25) and Gabriella is 24 (yes I know she looks 30)? No one is going to point out that that’s some fucked up sexual predator, go to jail for child sex crime shit? No? Okay then.

It’s finally Caleb’s birthday and Kirsten tries desperately to reverse the whole ‘give me your resignation’ thing. Gabrielle finds Ryan and continues the flirting. Luke and Marissa start flirting. Ryan can’t stand it and goes to mope in the pool house. Luke is very nice to Seth, and Seth doesn’t quite understand since he got shot in the arm not the head.

Jimmy and Julie arrive, and Jimmy has a plan to ask Caleb for a job. When that epically fails, Julie uses her skirt chasing wiles to see what Caleb can do for her now that she’s getting a divorced and has nothing. Caleb of course asks her to dinner because why not.

Meanwhile Seth is introducing Summer to a lot of rich dudes. Summer later confides to Marissa that she’s meeting lots of wealth management people who, “manage wealth…as a job!” Very insightful Summer. Summer confirms with Marissa that she chose Luke over Ryan. Summer asks if they’ve had sex yet, to which Marissa obviously admits they haven’t. Summer asks what she’s waiting for and Marissa says she doesn’t know. Girl don’t know shit.

Back at the pool house, Ryan is hiding from the party, as well as Marissa and Luke, when Gabrielle walks in and they start ‘hooking up’ aka making out, everyone relax. Marissa stops by to tell Ryan that she chooses him instead of Luke, but she gets all sad and betrayed that he’s ‘hooking up’ with someone else. They aren’t even dating! What is he supposed to do, just sit there moping while Marissa takes a decade to figure out what she wants!? Marissa goes back through the party and finds Luke, saying she’s ready to hook up. Like actually hook up, as in have sex. If Ryan’s doing it why don’t they? She’s dumb.

Seth fights with Summer, saying he can’t stand introducing her to one more person who just stands there and stares at her boobs. Seth says that none of those guys know her, but he does. Cue adorable fucking moment. Seth remembers that Summer wrote a poem in sixth grade about how she wanted to be a mermaid, and is so overcome with emotion as he recites it to her that she kisses him.

Sandy tells Caleb that Kirsten has no intention of quitting or moving. Sandy says that he needs to let her keep doing what she’s doing at the company. She’s smart and competent and she doesn’t need Caleb and he knows that Caleb fears that the most. Caleb walks away to find Kirsten and tells her he will see her at work on Monday.

Marissa and Luke lose their virginities to each other. Or at least that’s what Marissa thinks since Luke clearly has fucked other people behind her back. Ryan decides to go get Marissa back and walks over to her house just as Luke drops her off. She looks shell shocked because I guess the sex was bad and shitty, and maybe don’t lose you virginity as revenge. She tells Ryan he’s too late and she half run/cries back inside. Her life is like super fucking hard, okay?

Best Song of the Episode:

“You’re So Damn Hot” by Ok Go

Before they made quirky videos on YouTube, they made this song!

Best Quote:

Kirsten: Maybe you guys can make peace this weekend.

Sandy: Okay. Oh, no wait we can’t.

Kirsten: Why?

Sandy: I’m still Jewish!

Kirsten: I wonder what his new girlfriend is like.

Sandy: I’m sure she is very well paid. I am on fire!

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

Big fat zero.

Weird 2003 thing:

Summer: “Caleb Nichol is like the Donald Trump of the West. Do you know how many hot, rich, banker-brokers are going to be there?”

Ah back when Donald Trump was just a rich d-bag, and his name could casually be thrown around in conversation. Those were innocent times.

Best Fashion Statement:

Gabrielle’s bikini, because nothing says, “It’s nice to meet you my future grandson”, like boobs do.


CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 9: Twin Peaks & Fire Walk With Me

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 9

‘Twin Peaks & Fire Walk With Me’

Our ninth episode is here! This week, we talk the first two seasons of Twin Peaks, and the pseudo-prequel, Fire Walk With Me. We also discuss the upcoming third season! Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes –

Google Play Music –

SoundCloud –

Stitcher –

Spreaker –

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search for CinemAbysmal.

The O.C. Sundays – Volume 5: S01:E05 – The Outsider

oc2The O.C. Sundays – Volume Two – Season One: Episode Three – The Gamble

Recap by Holly Hill


Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.


The episode opens with Ryan and Seth BMX biking and skateboarding down the Newport boardwalk. The two sit down to a lobster dinner and discuss fashion. Because you know. Now they are both rich kids.

“Is that a new shirt?”
“Yeah your Mom bought me some new clothes, she didn’t have to.”

Ryan gives him a classic Ryan look.

“Gotcha, you got your style I got mine.”

They discuss Marissa, who Ryan has not called because he is giving her space. Ryan feels uncomfortable with everyone giving him money and as he whines, someone behind them who works there gets fired. Perfect time for Ryan to get a job for one episode only! Because that’s exactly how that sort of thing works in the real world. Seth gets pretty sad about this prospect of something else taking up Ryan’s time.

“Before you moved here, all I did was hang out by myself, so it’s really a return to form.”

Kirsten is having a retreat with her awful friend group and Julie. The other women in the group are OBVIOUSLY horny for the scandal that Julie has just created with Jimmy stealing all their husbands’ money. Kirsten is not thrilled with the gossip, but insists they must go anyway since it’s been booked for weeks. Back in the Cooper house, Julie says she needs to go because it’s already paid for and so they don’t talk shit about her the entire time. Jimmy was hoping they could talk this weekend and Julie is like, this is your mess, clean it up.

At the beach, Summer and Marissa are tanning. Rachel Bilson, as Summer, is in a bikini, because it’s in her contract or whatever that she can only wear bikini tops. Summer wants to go shopping and Marissa is like, ‘WAHH MY DAD’S CREDIT CARDS GOT SHUT OFF HOW DO I PAY FOR STUFF?’ Relax bitch. They talk about how Luke is kind of not her boyfriend anymore. Summer says that Marissa needs to not be depressed because her step mom is depressed and is always on medication and she sucks. Okay, we are building a Summer character and a history and background. MAYBE Rachel Bilson can put on a shirt sometime soon. Summer invites Marissa to lunch, and they of course go to the lobster shack or wherever that Ryan now works at for one episode.


Donnie sees Luke walk in and laments to Ryan, “That Abercrombie and Fitch water polo playing bitch wouldn’t last a day in Corona.” Ryan admits he’s from Chino and they talk about how that place is no joke.

Okay, time for another SoCal lesson from a local. Chino is in San Bernardino County and Corona is in Riverside County. They are just 20 minutes apart though. I’ve said this previously that just because Chino isn’t in Orange County doesn’t mean it is a total shit hole, full of of gangsters that are ‘no joke’, and neither is (surprise) Corona. It’s actually quite nice. The only thing that’s no joke about it is that it’s inland like Chino and hot as fuck out there, basically all the time. I’m not sure where Josh Schwartz got his info on places in Southern California that aren’t Newport beach, but it’s lacking in actual information.

Donnie promises that not everyone around here is like Luke though, and promises to show him a good time after work. Marissa and Luke ‘talk’ but all Luke wants to do is pretend everything is normal and just go get drunk at Holly’s beach house. Marissa has to remind him that Holly’s Dad beat up her dad at her debutante ball. Luke says that Marissa’s dad stole all her money so it’s not Holly’s fault. Wrong thing to say. Needless to say, they are still on the outs after that conversation. Seth shows up as Ryan is off work, hoping to hang out. He meets Donnie but feels out of place, and doesn’t take the invite to come hang out with him and Ryan.

The next morning, Ryan blearily walks into the Cohen kitchen to find a very cold-shouldered Seth reading comics and eating cereal. Seth clearly feels left out. Summer and Marissa are back at the beach and Summer is in another bikini. Ryan is headed into work and passes Marissa and Summer.

“When I asked if you wanted to hang out yesterday, I was asking you out.” 

“I know.”

“I just wanted to clear that up because I’m going to ask you out again. Wanna do something tonight?”

Marissa says she has to babysit Kaitlin, but she will be cooking mac and cheese and invites Ryan over.

Sandy sees Jimmy walking his dog and offers free legal advice. Sandy admits that even though he doesn’t like him, he’s a public defender and he represents a lot of people he doesn’t like. Sandy and Jimmy discuss how Jimmy is really in deep shit here. He’s gonna lose his license and he’s never gonna pay back the money he stole. Jimmy and Sandy play videos games and ask each other if they are old. Sandy says the best year of his life was when he was 22, when he met Kirsten. Jimmy says 16, when I met Kirsten. Awkward.

At the retreat, Julie talks about how she needs to enjoy the weekend because she’s not going to be back for awhile. She works the room and whines about how she’s just worried about the girls and had no idea Jimmy was stealing! The women can’t get enough of it and suck down their bloody mary’s, dying for more details. One of them gives Julie the name of a divorce lawyer, and Kirsten is mildly disgusted by the whole thing.

Seth tries once again to get Ryan to hang out by enticing him with IMAX tickets to a shark movie. Fucking party. Ryan has to let him down again because of his Marissa date. Donnie comes out and fist bumps Seth, and since Ryan can’t hang out, he invites Seth to go to the party where there will be…wait for it.


Seth agrees and Ryan tells him Long Beach is a ‘shady neighborhood’ and ‘pretty hardcore’. Oh my god Ryan, no it’s not. Long beach is fine. I feel like I can say that since that’s where I was born. Holy shit. Long Beach is in Los Angeles county, but borders Orange County. It’s like Schwartz thinks as soon as you cross the invisible county line, things start to get ghetto. To say that Long Beach as a whole is ‘shady,’ really misrepresents the place. Sure some neighborhoods aren’t great, like North Long Beach or the west side neighborhood. Go there at night for a party and it might get a little shady, but that’s about it. But Donnie never specifies where in Long Beach this party is. It could be in fucking Naples or something, in which case it’d be just like a Newport party. Hold your judgement, Ryan!

So clearly, Ryan can’t let Seth go alone so he escorts him to what is clearly North Long Beach or West Side neighborhood, because this party is located in a parking lot with hydraulic cars and the Black Eyed Peas pumping Get Retarded (which has not been dubbed to it’s PC version of Get it Started. Very gangster.) Girls are stripping in the backyard/parking lot and Seth is like…boobs. Ryan says they are only going to hang out for 45 minutes. Ryan calls Marissa and says he got dragged to a party, but has to get Seth away from a dancer before he can come over.


Seth and Ryan head back at the allotted time, only to find that their Ranger Rover has been damaged. Apparently you don’t bring a Range Rover to North Long Beach. The next morning, Sandy is observing the damage to his car.


Ryan clearly has missed his date with Marissa, and Seth apologizes for salting his game. Seth goes to Marissa’s to apologize to her for taking Ryan away. He says that Ryan is mad at him right now and he begs Marissa to have Ryan cook her dinner.

Sandy and Jimmy go golfing and Sandy says he won’t go to jail if he pays back everything he lost, but he’ll lose his Series 7 license. Sandy says Jimmy can sell his house and he’s got money in equity. This is too much for Jimmy. How dare Sandy try to help him by telling him the truth about how fucked he is! Jimmy screams at Sandy about how poor he is and how Kirsten takes care of him, and to Sandy’s credit, he doesn’t throw his golf club at Jimmy’s face. Sandy says there’s more to providing for family than money, and asks if Jimmy wants to be around to see Kaitlin grow up, and Marissa graduate. Jimmy leaves that decision up to Julie. Keep the house and throw him in jail, or sell everything and start over as a family.

At Ryan’s job, Seth says that he’s quite skilled at getting a date when it’s not for himself. He tells Ryan he will be cooking for Marissa tonight and Donnie overhears and asks Seth what’s up tonight. Seth tells him about a party at Holly’s beach house (again!?). Donnie asks if he can come to Holly’s beach house with Seth and party with the Newport kids, drink their beer, and dance with their honeys. Sweet, ‘honeys’. Cool.

Back at Ryan and Marissa’s date, Ryan is grilling grilled cheese and Marissa brings over leftover mac and cheese. Marissa wipes her hands on a napkin saying it was the best grilled cheese ever – as if she actually ate it. We all know that she is only allotted three almonds a day. Ryan asks if Marissa wants to do something fun and they push each other in the pool. OMG so cute. All This Time by Onerepublic plays and obviously everyone at home is in swoon mode.

At Holly’s beach house, Summer is wearing a t-shirt, which is the biggest revelation of the night. Luke is sad and drunk, and Holly basically jumps on him knowing that he and Marissa are taking a break.

Donnie hits on Summer and they all make fun of him. Donnie says these kids are ‘mad doggin’ him. Then he shows Seth his gun. Okay, cool Donnie. Way to turn into a psycho.

Seth, who has the worst timing ever, calls Ryan saying that Donnie is a psycho and he has to pick him up, basically interrupting what would have been Ryan and Marissa’s first kiss. Marissa takes off because that’s what she does when there’s a chance that things could get emotional. Donnie and his friends are throwing chips at each other and breaking vodka bottles. Luke comes down and confronts Donnie. Seth tries to warn him to back off, but then Ryan shows up. Seth says that Ryan and he should go. Luke pushes Donnie who obviously has to pull out his gun and point it sideways at Luke. Damn those Long Beach/Chino/Riverside/Corona/non-Orange County kids are crazy!


“How much you hate this kid Ryan? What about you Seth?”


Nice green t-shirt Summer. I see you back there semi-clothed. Ryan tackles Donnie to the ground and Luke’s arm gets shot. No water polo for you. Donnie takes off, and Luke is whisked away to the hospital in an ambulance. Ryan, being the good guy he is, calls Marissa to come to the hospital to see Luke. She tells him not to wait for her. She might be awhile.

Guess that Ryan Marissa thing is on hold for now.

Best Song of the Episode:

“The Way We Get By” by Spoon

This was the first time I ever heard a Spoon song and have since become a lifelong fan.

Best Quote:

Seth: I do think that from now on, though, we got to stick together because united we’re unstoppable, but divided it’s…

Ryan: People get shot.

Seth: That’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m saying.

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

Zero. Which is surprising because they were in Long Beach which is ‘a shady neighborhood’.

Weird 2003 thing:

Seth’s giant white first gen ipod.


Also, in one scene Ryan is eating from a box of Captain Crunch with The Wild Thornberrys on it. Not a thing anymore.

Best Fashion Statement:

Summer’s green t-shirt. You heard that right. T-shirt. On Summer.


Twin Sneaks – Volume Four: Season One – Episodes 7-8

Welcome to Twin Sneaks! I started this column about a year ago, but stopped watching the show as I wanted to wait until the new Season 3 was closer. What I’m hoping to do here is recap all the episodes for you guys leading up to the new premiere on May 21st (EEEEEK!!) After that, I’ll continue to recap the new episodes for you, and have them ready to go every Monday or Tuesday! There will, of course, be SPOILERS in these recaps, so please stop reading (or don’t, I’m not you mom) and WATCH THE DAMN SHOW ON NETFLIX, YOU JERK!

Twin Peaks – Season One: Episodes 7-8

Recap by Nick Spanjer


Episode 7: Realization Time

Directed by Caleb Deschanel

Written by Harley Peyton

We begin where we left off, with Audrey naked in Cooper’s bed. They have a conversation about Audrey’s age and Cooper basically explains he can’t bone her because he’s an agent in the FBI, not because she’s in high school. Come on, Coop. They agree to be friends and Cooper strangely tells her that he’s going to get malts and fries for the two of them while she gets dressed. The next morning at the Sheriff’s station, Andy and Lucy are still having trouble. He walks away from her like Charlie Brown when the phone rings, and she talks to her doctor about something apparently very depressing. Cooper walks in joyfully, playing some kind of wood flute, and honestly, if you didn’t know any better, you would really think he just got laid.

Doc Heyward is in the meeting room with Truman and the bird that bit Laura, Waldo. Since it hasn’t been fed since the night Laura died, it’s physically exhausted and can’t mimic at the moment. Doc tries to get Cooper to feed the bird, to which Cooper replies, “I don’t like birds.” Hawk walks in with a folder and a report confirms that Laura, Ronette Pulaski, and Leo were at Jacques’ cabin. There is also a picture inside of Waldo sitting on Laura’s shoulder, that either Jacques or Leo took. Cooper places his voice activated recorder underneath the birdcage and awaits Waldo to talk. They determine that the plastic inside Laura’s stomach was in fact, part of the poker chip from One Eyed Jack’s. They point out that Jacques is a dealer there and plan a trip over the Canadian border to see him. Since it’s out of the law’s jurisdiction, Cooper oddly suggests that it’s a ‘job for the Bookhouse Boys,’ even though he seems like a pretty hard by the book type of dude. Whatever.


Over at the Johnson dump, an injured Leo watches Bobby walk up to the house through binoculars. He’s listening to a police scanner and pulls out a rifle to shoot him, but Bobby walks in the house. Shelly tells him crying that she shot Leo, and she’s worried that he’s going to kill her now. Bobby tells her that he’s going to handle Leo, and includes James for some reason, like she fucking cares and then they make out. Leo hears Lucy talking about Waldo over the police scanner and gets back in his truck and pulls away angrily. Over at the Palmer’s, Donna, James, and Maddy listen to the tape they found in Laura’s room. You get an idea of how fucked up Laura really was as she mentions to Jacoby that she knows he likes her. They discover that there is a tape missing from the night she died and assume Jacoby had something to do with it. They plan to break into his office to get the tape.

At Horne’s Department Store, Audrey is slangin’ that perfume to an old woman that can’t make up her mind. The lady gets short with her after Audrey suggests she hangs the bottle around her neck. Audrey leaves the counter for a moment to go to a back room and tells a guy that looks like he fell out of a Norman Rockwell painting that there was a bus accident outside, so he runs away in 1950’s chivalrous glee. Audrey sneaks into the slob Battis’ office and lights a cigarette like she owns the fucking place. She hides in the closet when she hears him coming, still smoking by the way (WHAT?) and watches him give the perfume counter girl, Jenny, a glass unicorn. It’s revealed she works at One Eyed Jack’s and he presents her with the opportunity to be an escort there. She says, “That sounds cool, as long as they’re wealthy,” and our theme of ‘Old dudes fucking high school chicks in Twin Peaks’ continues. When they leave, Audrey comes out of the closet and finds Ronette Pulaski’s name in Battis’ little black book. Jenny forgot her glass unicorn, so Audrey grabs it on her way out.

At the RR, Hank is discussing prison life with an uninterested Shelly. He manages to get it out of her that Big Ed Hurley helped out quite a bit while he was behind bars. Truman and Cooper walk in right after Hank steals a lighter from a customer at the counter. Truman is there to check in on his parole and you can tell there is some bad blood between them. Shelly asks the boys if they want coffee and after Truman resists, Cooper has one of the best lines in the show. “Harry, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a catnap in the office chair, or…two cups of good, hot, black coffee.” I love Parks and Recreation, but this was truly the first incarnation of TREAT YOSELF.

At Horne’s, Audrey convinces Jenny that she had the same type of meeting with Battis. She shows Jenny the unicorn she took from Battis’ desk and sways her to give her the number for the head mistress at One Eyed Jacks. Audrey immediately picks up the phone and calls the number. Over at the Hurley’s, Nadine is watching Invitation to Love  as the nerdy Chet shoots the bully Montana. Ed walks in and Nadine begins crying because her patent for the silent drape runners was not accepted. The sappy, soap opera music for Invitation to Love ramps up on the TV as Ed hugs her and melodramatically says, “Don’t you give up! Don’t you dare!”

At the Martell compound, Truman is looking at a mounted bass trophy that Pete caught when Josie Grossie walks in, dressed in some kind of flannel shirt robe bullshit. He asks what she was doing at the motel when they found the One Armed Man, and she plays stupid. He presses her and she tells him that Ben and Catherine are planning a conspiracy by burning the mill down. Later that night at The Great Northern, a tuxedo’d Cooper walks in to meet Truman and Big Ed. He hands Big Ed and Truman $10,000 that the FBI gave him so they can gamble at One Eyed Jack’s to fit in. Truman tells Cooper about his Josie Grossie worries since that last revelation, and that he believes what she’s saying is true. Cooper asks “How much do you know about her?,” clearly not believing the gross things coming out of her mouth. Truman tells Cooper that he got a new Cadillac for their cover and that they’re “High Rollers from the Tri-Cities. Oral surgeons, Harry. Big spenders, vacationing among the firs.”

Sidenote: If you’re from the Pacific Northwest, you know that there aren’t really any high-rollers from the Tri-Cities.

As they leave, Audrey walks out to tell Cooper what she learned concerning One Eyed Jack’s, but the boys already left. Back at the Martell’s, some kind of insurance agent is meeting with Catherine to discuss her life insurance. She notices that $1 million will go to Josie if she dies, and gets suddenly worried, asking the agent to leave so she can discuss it with her lawyer. She checks the desk next to her bed and notices that the second ledger is now missing. At The Great Northern, Audrey leaves a note under Cooper’s door. Back at the Sheriff’s station, the boys are getting ready by putting on wires and applying disguises. A rainstorm hits when Waldo, now refreshed, begins talking in Laura’s voice (yeah, alright). A gunshot rings out and the boys run into the room where Waldo is, to find him shot and killed. Leo runs out of the rain into his truck with a rifle. Motherfucker killed Waldo, yo. As Waldo’s blood drips on the donuts, Truman points out, “They shot Waldo.” Cooper plays back the tape and hears Waldo in Laura’s voice yelling, “Stop it! Leo, no!”

The boys arrive at One Eyed Jack’s, and the head mistress, Blackie, immediately greets them. Because, you know, they’re high rollers. From the Tri-Cities. For some reason, Cooper tells her that their names are Barney and Fred, like that’s a good cover. I’d like to point out that they also took the time to give Cooper glasses, and Big Ed a fucking mustache and Soul-Glo hair from Coming to America, but Cooper decided that fucking ‘Barney and Fred,’ of the fucking Flintstones was somehow good cover. Anyway, Cooper and Ed head into the gambling room to find Jacques.


Back at the Palmer’s place, Maddy is sneaking downstairs so she can meet with the Youth Sleuths, Donna and James, and break into Jacoby’s office. An especially creeptastic Leland Palmer is sitting silently in the dark and watches Maddy sneak out. Hug Me James is waiting in some park where he made out with Donna earlier, and sees Maddy get out of the car looking exactly like Laura in a blonde wig. Donna, in her Nancy Fucking Drew hat, sees them look at each other and gets annoyingly jealous, and fuck man, is this story line over yet? No? Shit. At The Great Northern, the Icelanders are singing in Ben’s office, while Jerry holds an enormous pine cone. Jerry tells Ben that they want to finalize the Ghostwood development deal at One Eyed Jack’s. Ben calls Josie Grossie and tells her that Catherine needs to be at the mill. Hank is sitting right by Josie as Ben calls.

At One Eyed Jack’s, Audrey walks in to meet with Blackie. Audrey puts on a show by calling herself Hester Prynne, saying she was from Calgary. Blackie doesn’t believe her and makes her prove herself, so Audrey ties a knot out of a cherry stem with her tongue. Again. High school girl. Blackie is impressed and hires her. I remember the first time watching this with my ex-wife years ago, and she said she could do it, and that it was really not that impressive when people could do that. I asked her prove it and she did, so either it really isn’t that impressive, or my ex was Audrey Horne-talented.

In the poker room, the boys are playing Blackjack when Jacques Renault walks up to the table that Cooper is playing at. At Jacoby’s office, the Dr. is watching Invitation to Love, when Maddy calls pretending to be Laura. He takes the bait and walks to his door, finding an envelope. He pulls out a VHS tape and plays it, seeing the spitting image of Laura holding an edition of that day’s paper. He picks the phone back up and Maddy tells him to meet her at the park. When Maddy hangs up the phone, Bobby is creeping in the bushes watching, and sees James ride off. Crazy thing is, someone is watching Bobby watching, so we’ve got that triple layer shit going down!

Jacoby watches the tape again and notices the gazebo from the park, and runs out of his office, getting in his car. The Youth Sleuths see him leave and run up to his office, while Bobby, still creeping, puts a bag of coke in Hug Me James’ bike’s gas tank. “Say goodbye, James.” Whoever the creep is in the park is watching Maddy alone and the episode ends.


Episode 8: The Last Evening

Directed by Mark Frost

Written by Mark Frost


Ah, the Season One finale. Something strange happens between the first and second seasons of Twin Peaks. It’s hard to pinpoint. Perhaps it’s David Lynch’s sudden disinterest as he exited to make Wild at Heart, or the pressures of the network for Frost and Lynch to answer the whodunnit, but in ways, this is the episode in which Twin Peaks lost its innocence. I personally, am a big fan of some of the darkness in the second season, but will admittedly be among the first to speak to its far too often absolute trashiness. More to come, but really, the show could have gone a much different direction after this finale. Anyway, let’s get into it.

The Youth Sleuths are digging around Jacoby’s office, mostly stunned to find tiny umbrellas that Jacoby saved from his many adventures. Donna grabs a coconut from the decorative tree and opens it to find the missing tape along with the other half of the Best Friends necklace. James and Donna ride off after taking the tape and the necklace and Bobby watches them leave. Jacoby arrives at the park and sees Maddy dressed as Laura when the creep who was behind Bobby at the end of the last episode clubs him in the head, effectively causing a heart attack.

At One Eyed Jack’s, Cooper begins talking to Jacques. He turns down one of the escorts, which is weird, because she’s probably in high school. Cooper presents Jacques with the broken poker chip (the one that fell out of the cuckoo clock and had a piece missing in Laura’s stomach), and Cooper says he’s a friend of Leo’s. Jacques plays dumb so Cooper asks if he can buy him a drink. Up in Blackie’s office, Blackie is playing with tarot cards, because that’s a typical thing to do, when Audrey walks in all skimpy and escort-like. Audrey looks down and sees Cooper on the security monitor that’s sitting on Blackie’s desk while she presents herself to Blackie. Blackie tells Audrey that all the new girls get to meet the owners on her first night, but Audrey doesn’t know that the owners are her dad and uncle, and wow, it gets weird here. She tells Audrey to pick a card from a poker deck, so Blackie has playing cards and tarot cards in front of her at this point, and what the fuck. Audrey picks the Queen of Hearts, of course.

In the surveillance van outside of One Eyed Jack’s, Hawk and Big Ed are listening in on Jacques and Cooper through Cooper’s wire. Cooper tries to get Jacques to talk about Leo by making up a story that Leo is playing Jacques for a fool. He mentions Laura, and Jacques tries to leave. Cooper convinces Jacques that he’s financing the drug running out of Canada, so Jacques stays to talk. Cooper gets Jacques to do a drug run that night for $10K by meeting him at a power plant. Once Jacques finishes his drink, Cooper nonchalantly asks about the night with Laura at his cabin. Jacques warms up and mentions that the bird had a thing for Laura by biting her and saying her name constantly. He mentions that himself, Laura, Ronette Pulaski, and Leo were in the cabin, high. He says Laura was tied up and Waldo began pecking at her, causing her to scream. Jacques then mentions, horrifically, as the camera zooms in on his obese mouth, that Leo jammed the chip in her mouth as he was (from what it sounds like) raping her.

In her dressing room of the brothel at One Eyed Jack’s, Audrey is waiting. Back at the Johnson toilet bowl, Shelly walks into her kitchen to wash her hair with dish soap in the sink, because at some point, she decided to marry Leo Johnson, and this is the life you get. She gets soap in her eye and as she grabs for the towel, it gets pulled away by Leo. He grabs her and begins yelling that she made him do it. Over at the power plant that Cooper told Jacques to meet him at for the drug run, Truman and Andy are waiting for Jacques to show up, and discuss Andy’s problems with Lucy. Hawk and Truman have a really uncomfortably long back and forth over the radio, using fishing references to let each other know that Jacques was on the way, then see Jacques roll up in some kind of El Camino thing. They ambush Jacques and Truman tells him he’s under arrest for Laura’s murder. Jacques momentarily incapacitates his arresting officer and steals his gun, pointing it at Truman. Andy shoots Jacques, thus saving Sheriff Truman’s life, and suddenly, StellAndy has his groove back.

At the Heyward’s house, the Youth Sleuths listen to the tape they got from Jacoby’s coconut. On the tape, Laura calls James dumb and his fivehead visibly expands. She also mentions that she got off on almost being killed by her “mystery man,” and Hug Me James needs a hug as he hears that this mystery man drives a red corvette. As the tape ends, Doc Heyward tells Donna that there is an emergency at the hospital and he needs to go. Donna consoles James for being called dumb and he says that it’s OK and he needed to hear it. Something tells me he’s used to it. The Youth Sleuths agree that Jacoby was trying to help Laura, not kill her.

At the Packard Sawmill, Leo is loading in gas cans and looks over at his tied up wife, Shelly. He picks up some kind of Kevin McCallister apparatus that is hooked to a kitchen timer and sets it, telling her again that her death is all her doing. He also mentions that he’s going to kill Bobby. He screams, “You broke my HEART!” like only Leo Johnson can and slams the door. Over at the Hurley’s place, Nadine is in some kind of Disney princess dress and pours out a cocktail of about 50 pills. She pours a glass of water and says goodbye. At the Martell’s, Hank receives a suitcase full of money from Josie Grossie for all that he missed out on in prison. Josie is one nasty cat, as they clearly made some kind of deal over something that happened before he went to prison. He tries to snake more money out of her by suggesting that he took the fall for Josie’s murder of her late husband Andrew Packard (owner of the Packard sawmill that Josie inherited). They go back and forth for a while, while Hank keeps quoting things that he read in jail, and he ends up slicing their thumbs and they become blood brothers or some shit, but holy hell – Mark Frost has this amazing shot where Hank talks for about a minute straight with a mounted buck’s horns filmed right above his head. It’s ridiculous. Another Twin Peaks signature moment.


Back at the mill, Catherine is digging around in the Accounting office for the ledger. Pete walks in concerned, and she asks him where it is, convinced he’s helping Josie. She asks him to forgive her for being awful, and takes advantage of his kindness. He falls for it and hugs her. At the Sheriff’s department, the boys are recounting Andy shooting Jacques in heroic fashion, while Lucy listens nearby. Her boner comes through the TV 3D style, so Andy chases her into a closet and closes the door. As he kisses her, she pushes him away for a moment and tells him she’s pregnant. Andy, horrified, opens the closet door and walks away without saying a word. Lucy is clearly pissed, when the phone rings. Bobby is pretending to be Leo and tells Lucy to tell the sheriff that James Hurley is an “easy rider.”

At the hospital, Cooper and Truman are interviewing a recovering Jacques Renault about Laura and Ronette the night Laura died. He tells them that he took the pictures for Flesh World but it was their idea to become paid escorts. He and Leo got into a fight because Leo smashed a whiskey bottle into Jacques for no reason, and that’s why their blood was all over the scene and on Leo’s shirt. He passed out that night and everyone had left the cabin by the time he awoke. In another room, Jacoby is recovering from his heart attack on a bed. Doc Heyward mentions that Jacoby said he got a phone call from Laura Palmer and was jumped on his way to see her. Over at the Martell’s, Catherine is frantically searching their library for the ledger while Pete finds his high school yearbook. The phone rings and on the other end, Hank tells Catherine that what she’s looking for is at the mill. She grabs a gun and leaves for the mill.

At the RR, Hank is telling Norma about prison and how he dreamed of her while locked up. He hams it up about how he’s going to change for her, and she for some reason believes all this shit and kisses him. Big Ed gets home and finds Nadine crumpled into a mess on the floor and freaks out, calling 911. At the Sheriff’s department, the boys arrive back and Lucy tells them about “Leo” calling. She tells him that she heard a clock striking in the background, and Cooper and Truman put together that it was the same park from where Jacoby was attacked. Hug Me James walks in, and before he can speak, Cooper intervenes and tells Harry that he should investigate James’ bike while Cooper talks to James. As they walk away, Leland Palmer walks in, asking about the arrest of the suspect that murdered his daughter, Jacques Renault. Truman tells Leland he can’t tell him anything since Jacques is just a suspect and leaves. Doc Heyward tells Leland to go home, as Leland asks if the Doc is going back to the hospital, to which he replies, no. Leland turns toward the camera, dramatically insane, and utters, “Hospital.”


Hug Me James gives Cooper the tape that they just listened to, to which Cooper only seems mildly interested. Colonel Fivehead tells Cooper that they need to be looking for someone with a red corvette, when Cooper tells HMJ that Jacoby had a heart attack. James looks surprised and Cooper asks what kind of game he’s playing when Harry walks in with what was planted in his bike by Bobby. Cooper shows James the bag of coke and again, James looks surprised (that’s all he did the whole scene). At One Eyed Jack’s, Ben is signing the Ghostwood contracts with the Icelanders while the high school girls fondle away. As they sign, Hank calls Ben to tell him that all plans are going ahead with the mill, including Catherine’s presence, and that he’s going to give Leo a house call. Ben tells him to proceed.

At the Johnson fart factory, Bobby shows up to the house and Leo suddenly dips out from the shadows. Bobby plays dumb, pretending he is there to see Leo, and Leo is at full crazy in this scene. He knocks Bobby down and swings an axe at him, barely missing Bobby. Leo punches Bobby into the TV and as he goes to swing the axe into him, he’s shot again, this time by Hank Jennings. Leo collapses on the couch and Bobby runs out the door. Leo watches the same episode of Invitation to Love where the nerd shoots the bully. At the mill, Shelly is still tied up when Catherine arrives with her gun ready. She finds Shelly and the McCallister contraption goes off. Really, the timer goes off and a tiny little *boop* explosion happens, slowly starting a fire in the mill. Catherine asks who she is, and in a town this small, you’d think you would know everyone’s name, but whatever.

The fire spreads as Catherine ponders what she needs to do next since she was double-crossed by Ben and Josie Grossie, then lets Shelly down from her bindings. As the mill comes burning down, the two run out of the room before the scene changes to a gloved hand smashing a fire alarm at the hospital. Now, I don’t exactly know medical or hospital protocol, but wouldn’t the patients be the priority in those situations? The fire alarm goes off and the nurses and doctors flee the floor, and that’s always bothered me about this scene. Anyway, the gloved hand turns out to be Leland, as he walks into Jacques’ room and suffocates him to death with a pillow. Bye-bye, Jacques.


Over at the burning Packard Sawmill, Pete assumes Catherine is inside so runs in to save her. Back at One Eyed Jack’s, Ben completes the signing of the Ghostwood contracts with the Icelanders. He lights a cigar in celebration with Blackie, and asks to have a look at the “new girl.” In her dressing room, Audrey is getting her outfit sewn on by some weird Quasimodo lady, and as Ben walks in, the bent-over lady escapes into some hidden mini-door along the wall. It’s all insanely strange.

Well. Relatively. Ben walks in, not knowing he’s about to bang his high school daughter, when Audrey finally puts it together that the owner of One Eyed Jack’s is her dad. He walks toward the bed smiling and the scene fades out. Back at The Great Northern, Cooper is talking to Diane at 4:30 AM. He notices that the Icelanders have left and is relieved. Cooper opens his door, and sees an envelope on his floor that has ‘My Special Agent’ written on it. The phone rings, and it’s only static. With this comes a knock at the door. He assumes it’s room service, so he tells the person on the other end that he needs to go and sets the phone down. As he walks toward the door, the static clears and Andy’s voice can be heard saying that Leo Johnson has been found and was shot. When Cooper opens the door, he looks up and is shot three times in the chest by a gloved hand. Roll Credits.

I promise I’m going to have the rest of these ready to go for you by the 21st! Sorry. Be sure to listen in to our new Podcast episode on Monday 5/8, as we’ll have the whole Twin Peaks Experience, covering seasons one and two, as well as the movie Fire Walk With Me ready to discuss with special guest, and fellow Peaks Freak, Tyler ‘Street Tang’ Aker!



The O.C. Sundays – Volume Two – Season One: Episode Three – The Gamble

Recap by Holly Hill


Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.



The episode starts with some classic Ryan/Seth time dueling it out on their sweet ass PlayStation. Sandy and Kirsten tell Ryan that they went to child services and told them they want him to stay with them, but because he’s a minor, they have to assume all legal responsibility for him.

“I can’t ask you guys to do that.”

“You don’t’ have to, we’re asking you.”

“We’ve all talked about it and we want to be your legal guardians.”

Talk about a 180 from Kirsten. Ryan’s face is just as you’d imagine it, full of hope, anticipation, fear of screwing this up, but most of all, happiness. It’s a dream come true. Ryan asks what happens if they change their mind and it doesn’t work. Sandy jokes that he’s already beaten up the captain of the water polo team, burned down a house, and stolen a car, so what else could possibly go wrong? At this point, I took a moment to pause and reflect on all that is yet to come in this season and others to come. I figure that if Sandy and Kirsten only knew how much else would go wrong, they would have been kicking that Chino kid out ASAP.

Ryan promises to stay out of trouble and they welcome him to the family. Ryan almost cries, I definitely cried, Seth welcomes him to the family, and they half joke about how now he just has to stay out of trouble.


Kirsten gets Ryan settled into the pool house and wants to buy him more things, but he insists he has everything he needs. Kirsten bets he doesn’t have a tux. He’s gonna need a tux. This is a world of events every weekend and charity galas and of COURSE there is a goddamn cotillion.

Sidenote: Have you ever been to a cotillion? You haven’t? Well, that’s because you’re not an asshole. Cotillion is something rich assholes send their kids to to learn manners and become part of civilized society. Then at the end, you ‘graduate’ or ‘debut’ yourself as an accomplished person. This particularly applies to the women who have to wear white like they’re debuting from a fucking convent while their dude escorts try to cop a feel. Lots of dining, dancing, and debuting. Hence the title of this episode. As a person who grew up in Orange County, I’m sad to report that this bullshit cotillion thing does exist. I never went, but I have lots of friends who did it and they all hated it. However, their parents LOVED to show how much money they all had to waste on shit you could just learn by reading a fucking book. God I hate cotillion. Anyway, back to cotillion.

Sandy is coming back from a morning of surfing and Jimmy shows up in his driveway. Jimmy admits he didn’t ask Sandy for the money because he was embarrassed of what Sandy would think of him. Sandy asks how much money he lost and how he lost it. Jimmy refuses to answer and he is so very clearly STILL HAVING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, which only Sandy seems to notice.

Kirsten takes Seth and Ryan to the county club to get a tux fitted. Marissa is picking up her shit at the club and her and Ryan breathily ‘hey’ at each other for not even remotely the last time. Marissa says it’s great he’s staying now because they can be FRIENDS. Right, they’re so good at that. Luke shows up and flexes his pooka shells. Summer flirts with Ryan in front of Seth and Seth says cotillion rocks. Wrong Seth, cotillion does not rock.

Back in a dressing room, Summer is in a bra again because apparently, it’s in Rachel Bilson’s contract that until she gets a personality, she’s not allowed to wear a shirt. Summer wants Marissa to set her up with Ryan, and Marissa is clearly like, ‘back the fuck off, Ryan is mine.”

Later that day, Sandy is at work when a BLACK PERSON comes in from the Securities and Exchange Commission, enforcement division. HE SPEAKS. AND IS SMART. He doesn’t live in Newport though, but we have to work our way up to that kind of diversity in this show. It’s only episode four. He’s here to tell Sandy that the check his wife wrote to Jimmy is suspicious because it turns out Jimmy is apart of an SEC fraud investigation. Oh shit, Jimmy. Turns out Jimmy has been siphoning money out of his clients accounts to pay for his own debts, and Sandy is semi-thrilled that Jimmy is kind of a scum bag. Kirsten makes Sandy promise to not tell anyone until she talks to Jimmy wanting to confirm.

Back at home, Ryan doesn’t want to go to cotillion because cotillion is fucking worthless. Seth is like, you gotta go, it’s a FAMILY thing. WE ARE WHITE KNIGHTS. Ryan is worried about a fight breaking out so he goes to Marissa’s place to tell her he’s backing out of cotillion and of course, at this exact time she’s trying on her virgin wedding cotillion dress and can’t reach the clasp! Thank god Ryan has shown up. Ryan clasps her up in slow motion and when he’s done Marissa wants to know what exactly he wanted to talk to her about in regards to cotillion. But thanks to Ryan’s newly minted boner from clasping a dress together, he decides he’s definitely going to cotillion.

Later that day, Ryan and Seth show up for cotillion rehearsals and Ryan realizes for the first time that there is DANCING involved. Oh the horror. Ryan doesn’t like music and he sure as shit don’t dance.

“You didn’t tell me there was dancing.”

“If I told you there was dancing I’d be here by myself right now.”


Seth then shows off his own dance moves and in response, Ryan looks mildly disturbed.

Summer is pissed that Marissa gave Ryan away as an escort to ANNA STERN. WELCOME ANNA. Fans of The O.C. tend to either hate Anna or love her. I’m with the latter group. Ready for another love triangle? Was Ryan/Marissa/Luke not enough for you? Welcome to Seth/Summer/Anna. Anna is a punky chick who is down to earth as fuck. Anna is from Pittsburgh, and is super into comic books. It’s the female version of Seth, but she’s partnered with Ryan, and Summer is with Seth.


Marissa has to demonstrate to Anna and Ryan how to dance, and Anna is sensing the chemistry, and luckily, Luke isn’t there to witness it. Oh nevermind, here he comes.

“I’d be jealous right now if Chino wasn’t so gay. What? He was born that way!”

Sweet, Luke. You just wait buddy. Shit’s about to get real ‘gay’ for you in a few episodes.

Holly is having another goddamn beach party cookout that night to celebrate fucking cotillion. She invites them all and Ryan is like, nope, that sounds like a fight. And Seth is like, you have to go because Summer will be there and I can’t go alone.

Holly’s Dad runs into Jimmy and he wants to talk to him about money. He wants to pull $250K out of his account that Jimmy manages – the same account that Jimmy has basically drained. Jimmy is fucked.

Back at Holly’s beach house, Summer is in a bikini top trying to pay people to take Seth over as her escort. Seth asks if she can pretend to be excited about them going to cotillion together and Summer gives him a big ol’ nope. Marissa pretty much starts shit with Luke because she is wanting to talk to Ryan, and Luke wants Marissa to not talk to him, and Luke punches Ryan, starting off a sequence of events where Marissa gets Ryan in trouble by doing Marissa things.

The night of cotillion, Ryan decides he’s not going because he’s not going to miss out on being a Cohen just to kick someone’s ass. Marissa and Luke are fighting, so she decides to not go either. Sandy also doesn’t want to go because he hates Jimmy Cooper. Kirsten and Seth take off and Sandy and Ryan play video games.

Seth goes to tell Anna that Ryan isn’t showing up. Luke and Julie make Summer call Marissa, but she still ain’t coming. Summer tells her that Ryan didn’t show up either and since Marissa isn’t coming, she eyes Luke as a potential new escort, ditching Seth.

Marissa shows up in a halter with no bra at Ryan’s house, probably hoping that Sandy wasn’t there so they could get it on. Marissa says she’ll go to cotillion if he goes. Sandy is finally getting into video games when they announce they’re going to cotillion. Sandy says he’ll get the car. NOW EVERYONE IS GOING to GODDAMN COTILLION. You people never learn your lesson.

Ryan and Marissa show up together and Luke freaks out. Luke cries a little and dumps Marissa, and she gives Ryan a look like it’s his fucking fault. Now Ryan is going to escort Marissa, much to her eternal satisfaction. Anna gives Seth some shit about being lonely and tells him he’s not a man. She gives him a lesson on confidence.

They are now escorting each other and Summer doesn’t have an escort anymore since Luke took off! Then she finds Seth and thinks she can just weasel her way back in, but he shoots her down pretty hard with all that new confidence.

Marissa and Ryan come out of their respective dressing rooms looking like they’re about to get married. They HEY at each other some more. Their names are called and they bow and curtsy. This event literally costs more than most people’s weddings.

Everyone is dancing and having a good time when Holly’s Dad comes up to Jimmy and demands his money. He punches Jimmy in the face, calling him a thief and they tussle on the floor. Now everyone should finally fucking know that JIMMY IS HAVING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS in case it wasn’t already incredibly obvious. Sandy defends him, and Kirsten and him are all good again. Ryan gets in there too and they make an exception for Ryan. Sandy says, ‘as your attorney I advise you to get out of here.”

Anna says she’s spending the rest of the summer on a sailing trip to Tahiti. She is either stalking Seth or they are the same person. Marissa is outside crying because that’s what she does best, upset that she’s probably poor now and her Dad got beat up. Ryan gives her his jacket and he comforts her. They turn around and Luke is there because he showed up hearing that Jimmy got punched. Luke asks if he can take her home and they can talk. She gives Ryan back his jacket and says she needs to be alone right now. She dramatically runs off in her white dress. Way to make a decision Marissa.

Best Song of the Episode:

“Why Can’t I” by Liz Phair

Best Quote:

“We’ve all talked about it and we want to be your legal guardians.”

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

One again! A respectable smart black person working for the government. He talks and has three lines. Big deal.

Weird 2003 thing:

Julie mentions that she could fit in Marissa’s size zero cotillion dress after a few months of Zone. Zone is a fad diet that is still around today but was huge in 2003 for rich people.

Best Fashion Statement:

Marissa’s red halter top.


CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 8: The Purge Trilogy & Legion

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 8: The Purge Trilogy and Legion

Our eighth episode is here! This week, we talk The Purge Trilogy, the first season of Legion on FX, Juggalos, and more! Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

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