Absolutely Insane

Pet Sematary (Blu-Ray) – Atmos Immersiveness Level

Paramount

Blu-Ray • Atmos • 1080p Upconverted

Horror films are often discounted by people as not scary or dumb, but when you find out how they watched these movies, you might not be surprised they watched with all the lights on while laying in bed with their laptops. Well, the new version of Pet Sematary definitely deserves the full surround sound treatment.

I saw this unforgivingly mean movie in the theaters one Saturday afternoon after indulging on some magically edible delights, and I’ll tell you right now, that was probably the wrong move. I remember shrinking lower and lower into my chair, and though I didn’t have an Atmos receiver at home yet, I knew this was going to be especially wild in the quiet of my basement when it came out on Blu-Ray. I finally got the chance this week, and it did not disappoint. Here are some moments that stood out:

• Chapters 1-3: Several scenes with ambient bells and whispering voices in the overheads, interrupted a few times by the Orinco trucks blowing by, exciting the sub each time. Really fun jump scare moments

• Chapter 4: Whenever Louis dreams, Atmos and surrounds kick into high gear and there are ghosts whispering, as well as really unsettling wind and knocking effects. They really went for it

• Chapter 5: The infamous dumbwaiter scenes start here. Whispering, walking and things falling from above. Makes the movie that much more terrifying.

• Chapter 7: Another dream sequence with some really cool “god’s voice” narration gives way to some terrifying noises in the attic as Zelda’s dumbwaiter is again teased (strictly from above) and holy shit. Goosebumps 😰

• Chapter 10: Louis enters the Pet Sematary, and whispers, screaming, wood cracking, bugs, wind and more crawl across the ceiling. It’s almost torturous and made me giggle nervously at one point.

• Chapter 13: Zelda finally makes her grand appearance. The squeals of the dumbwaiter coming from above, along with the creepy, crawling ghost are insanely detailed across the ceiling. It’ll grind your nerves

Here’s the thing. When this movie decides to get active in the overheads, it goes for it. Possibly more than any other Atmos movie I’ve seen at home yet. That being said, a lot of the movie is really quietly dialogue-driven, as the main characters spend a majority of the movie grief-stricken. So, for that reason, I can’t give Pet Sematary the full 5 speakers. It’s close, but not quite there. I definitely suggest you grab it just for those moments mentioned above, though, because they’ll rattle you.

DOLBY ATMOS IMMERSIVENESS:

🔊 🔊 🔊 🔊 / 5

John Wick: Chapter 2 (Blu-Ray) – Atmos Immersiveness Level

Lionsgate

Blu-Ray • Atmos • 1080p Upconverted

This movie is all over the place. Right from the get-go, a motorcyclist has an unfortunate run-in with Wick’s car, and the wreckage is sent in pieces all around your head. Then suddenly, John is quietly whispering with an adversary. The entire movie weaves in and out of near silence then pure chaos, and while this might sound obnoxious, it’s a beautifully immersive experience that doesn’t let up until the credits roll. Here are some of the best scenes:

• Chapter 2: A neverending car chase after a fresh rain. Ridiculously incredible overheads interacting with the music

• Chapter 4: People walking around and talking in a quiet museum makes it feel like people are all around you

• Chapter 7: Sub-killing club scene with crazy, pulsing EDM bullshit overhead

• Chapter 8: Shoot-out in the Roman catacombs. Echoes and bullets bouncing all over your head

• Chapter 9: Super long battle with Common. Fist fights through tunnels, down stairs, shots raining down from everywhere. Really cool scene

• Chapter 13: Another gunfight, accompanied by a bass-thumping classical score that bounces off the ceiling before giving way to a “god’s voice” intercom immersion in a neon-lit hall of mirrors. It’s fucking BONKERS

While not too many people consider this the pinnacle of the Wick saga, this is my first foray into the home-viewed Atmos John Wick movies, and wow, was I impressed. The music is ever-present and interchanging with the action, and even in the quieter dialogue-driven scenes, something is always crawling across the ceiling. They did an amazing job with this mix, and I’d definitely say this is a demo-worthy Atmos title.

ATMOS IMMERSIVENESS LEVEL:

🔊 🔊 🔊 🔊 🔊 / 5

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – EPISODE 50: with Special Guest, Ryan Dean Tucker!

Welcome to Episode 49 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there.

This month, we welcome back the inimitable RYAN DEAN TUCKER, as he assigns is each a film from his enormous basement movie store and we report back our thoughts to him. Nick gets the Canadian rival to ‘The Room,’ a strange road trip cult classic, ‘Ryan’s Babe.’ Holly gets the Shelley Long supernatural (?) comedy, ‘Hello Again,’ and Dylan talks the Kyle Maclachlan alien thriller, ‘The Hidden.’ DON’T MISS THIS EPISODE!!

As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts! Just search for ‘CinemAbysmal’!

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 49: CAGEUARY – Primal & Vampire’s Kiss

Welcome to Episode 49 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there.

This month, we go full CAGE and talk a straight to video groaner, ‘Primal’ where Nic hunts some kind of CGI big cat, and the cult classic to end all cult classics, ‘Vampire’s Kiss.’

As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts! Just search for ‘CinemAbysmal’!

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 44: The Last Days of American Crime and The Wrong Missy

Welcome to Episode 44 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there.

This week, we talk some Netflix originals: The 0% Rotten Tomatoes rated The Last Days of American Crime, and another entry in the exhausting Happy Madison catalog, The Wrong Missy. Come listen to us gripe!

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Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts! Just search for ‘Cinemabysmal’!

Cats (2019)

Cats (2019)

Directed by: Tom Hooper

Starring: Francesca Hayward and Taylor Swift

I have personally witnessed the chasms of eternal darkness. I have dipped my feet into colossal pools of unending madness. My own eyes are stained with what once could only be described as some half-glimpsed myth; a terror that should have perpetually imprisoned itself as a permanent fable of the future. This ghastly creature I am so carefully describing – as to not potentially disturb it, causing me any further harm – is 2019’s film adaptation of ‘Cats.’

What we are subjected to, immediately and relentlessly, is a musical world of such strange proportion and unbelievably hellish terror that can only be compared to the seediest areas of Tim Burton’s Gotham alleys, and Roger Rabbit Toontown hopelessness. It’s a wondrous hellscape of unnameable horror, and is filled with anthropomorphic furries decorated flagrantly and depressingly in an unfortunate CGI veneer just asking for the chair. And they sing. Oh, do they sing. And they do not stop singing.

I know what you’re thinking: this is a musical, isn’t it? Yes, it’s a musical. But this is a musical drenched morbidly in coats of a sticky and unfortunate series of mumbles and meandering murmurings. Spectral singing horrors dressed as wannabe high school thespians haunting hallways would be a less disturbing sight to behold. But this unrelenting group of yowling felines does not give you a chance to gather yourself in its diabolical hubris. Not for a moment.

While the music viciously pummels the audience into an attempted braindeath, the horrifying bodies of these “cats” maniacally gyrate and sway like a group of strippers attached crudely to an out of control state fair Tilt-a-Whirl. Taylor Swift’s character – and her abnormally human chest – was the first thing my girlfriend pointed out upon our seemingly decades-long release from the theater. Idris Elba spends most of the film dressed in some sort of trench coat before madly dropping it toward the conclusion, revealing a once-veiled contortion of muscle and fur that rivals any notable body horror scene in the last decade.

I don’t know what the flying fuck this movie was about. It’s a coke-fueled nightmare from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s fixation on T.S. Eliot’s fixation on housecats, and really, I kind of gave up researching right there. Actually, I had to Google whatever in the living hell a “jellicle” cat is, because that phrase is repeated more often throughout the film than any other. It’s infuriating how often this word is said without any explanation whatsoever, and to keep you from watching this historical misstep in cinema, I’m not going to explain what it is to you either.

The movie is a series of autobiographical introductions sung madly by each of the characters. I know this is simply how Broadway operates, but the cinematic counterpart just does not translate. This celluloid nightmare is relatively short in today’s Hollywood landscape. Somehow though, the film feels like a mucky, eternal task by the time the credits scroll. Someone clapped upon their merciful appearance, but I am holding out hope that this was some sort of sarcastic lambasting, or even celebratory relief.

This movie is now a thing that exists. It’s an unfortunate anomaly gliding terribly over unexplored swaths of the ocean, proudly sprinkling its dead skin upon us like flakes of expired fish food. I will not stoop to the shadowy depths of feline puns that many movie reviewers have (admittedly leading me to see this festering wound of a film), but I will say that this will be remembered for decades – a cult classic not deserving of the title. See this with caution. We do not deserve to be treated like this, but if masochism is your bag, have I got the movie for you.

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 40: Troll 2 with Eric & Nadine!

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Welcome to Episode 40 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there.

While Nick takes a creative break, Dylan and Holly welcome back Eric and Nadine to guest with us on Troll 2, the worst movie ever made. We of course also get sidetrack and talk a lot about Homeward Bound and all the VH1 shows of the early 2000s (Rock of Love, Charm School, Flavor of Love, etc.).

As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts! Just search for ‘Cinemabysmal’!

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 39: The Mermaid & Kung Fu Hustle

Welcome to Episode 39 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we discuss the Stephen Chow films The Mermaid and Kung Fu Hustle, and Dylan softly gripes about Dark Phoenix while Holly explains what went wrong with Game of Thrones! Check it out in our BIO! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts!

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 34: Movies That Scared Us As Kids

Welcome to Episode 34 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, Nick fucked up and watched Watership Down instead of The Dark Crystal, so we discussed four movies that scared us as children instead of three. By the way, they’re all still pretty fucked up. Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes –https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinemabysmal/id1153464020?mt=2

SoundCloud

Google Play Music –https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal

Stitcher https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=128435&refid=asa

Spreaker http://www.spreaker.com/show/cinemabysmals-show

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search forCinemAbysmal.

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 34: Movies That Scared Us As Kids

Welcome to Episode 34 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, Nick fucked up and watched Watership Down instead of The Dark Crystal, so we discussed four movies that scared us as children instead of three. By the way, they’re all still pretty fucked up. Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes –https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinemabysmal/id1153464020?mt=2

SoundCloud

Google Play Music –https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal

Stitcher https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=128435&refid=asa

Spreaker http://www.spreaker.com/show/cinemabysmals-show

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search forCinemAbysmal.