A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven Recap
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
It’s that time again. The birds are chirping in the mornings, the days are starting to get longer, and HBO starts to release episodes of Game of Thrones for our viewing pleasure. Every year we blink, the season ends, and we are left wondering, “WHY DID THAT CHARACTER I LOVE HAVE TO DIE?” and “WHY DO I WATCH THIS SHOW?” So what better way to make the Game of Thrones season last a bit longer, than to relive the episodes the day after they air? Remember this is the LAST SEASON.
Check back in Sundays for the first recap of season seven, episode one, but first let’s start with a quick recap of season seven. It will be a good reminder of where all of our favorite and least favorite characters have ended up.
First off, RIP to all those we lost last season:
- Obra Sand (meh)
- Nymeria Sand (double meh)
- Tyene Sand (triple meh)
- Ellaria Sand (good)
- Olenna Tyrell (FIERCEST DEATH)
- Randyll Tarly (Dragon fire)
- Dickon Tarly (your name is DICKON?! – also dragon fire)
- All those Lannister Soldiers (more dragon fire)
- Benjen Stark
- Viserion (now undead Viserion)
- Little Finger (Sometimes when I try to understand a person’s motives….I like to play a little game)
Things to remember from season 7:
We left season seven with Cersei saying she was down with an alliance after seeing a white walker and then noping out of that alliance ASAP. Cersei is pregnant with her brother’s baby. Cersei also might have more dragon catapult arrow throwers.
Theon punches a Greyjoy man to death and convinces the rest of the lot to go save Yara.
The Red Woman leaves for Essos, but not before telling Varys that she will be back and they will both die in Westeros.
Bran is Three Eyed Bran (3EB) and is still a weird little shit. He just is biding his time waiting to tell Jon of his true heritage. Sam is back with Bran and knows about the whole thing too so now we just wait for them to tell him that he just fucked his Aunt on a boat.
Sansa and Arya killed Littlefinger and it was glorious.
When Jon is beyond the wall they kill the main white walker of a group and somehow it kills all the other ones. So that’s helpful information to remember. Also remember that burning white walkers and stabbing them with dragonglass is the only way to kill them. Also Viserion is a white walker dragon and he burned down the wall.
Now we are all caught up. The Winds of Winter is still not out yet, George RR Martin thinks this shouldn’t be the last season of GoT but who gives a shit what he thinks? If he wanted an opinion he could have written faster.
We are starting Season 8 almost two years after Season 7 aired. We only get six episodes and then it’s over forever. Or you can continue when the Winds of Winter comes out in 5-10 years.
Review of Thrones will be back Sunday night after GoT airs so check out CinemAbysmal for your every Sunday night just a few hours after the episode premiers. Don’t forget to grab your parent’s HBO password and join the world in prayer to the Seven that HBO GO doesn’t crash like it always does.