episode one

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE TWO: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE TALKS

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By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)The episode where everyone either talks, flirts, or gets it on. To be fair with only four episodes left and at least two more battles, characters do have to wrap their shit up with each other. The eerie part is that some characters resolved their issues and others did not. I have a feeling that those who didn’t are the ones who are going to survive next week’s episode.

So that’s my prediction.

Here’s my prediction of who dies based on this theory:

Jamie wraps up his beef with Dany, Sansa, Tyrion, Bran and even manages to knight Brienne in the process. Also, Bran gives him that creepy ‘how do you know there’s an afterwards?’. Jamie is gonna die.

Bran wraps up his 3EB bit by confessing he won’t tell anyone about what Jamie did, and tells everyone that the Night King is after him so they’ll use him as bait. Bran then spends the rest of his night telling Tyrion everything about his story and I’m going to assume all he knows. Bran is going to die.

Jorah wraps up his relationship with Dany, finally being okay with his relegation to the friend zone. He even tells her to keep Tyrion on as hand even after all his mighty fuck ups. Sam gives him his family sword and he has a conversation with Lyanna that sounds a lot like goodbye. I’m gonna say Jorah dies.

Lyanna will die. I can’t imagine her surviving this. Her combat skills aint that good. She’ll probably die with all the ‘The North will never bow again’ people. Wraps up that problem nicely.

Gendry makes a sword for Arya after she proves to him she can kill pretty well. This must have been her weird way of foreplay because she strips naked for him and bangs him before the battle starts. A bit out of character for Arya, but whatever. Good for Arya, good for Gendry. Gendry serves no purpose now. Bye Gendry.

Theon is accepted back at Winterfell by Sansa. He requests to defend Bran at the weirwood tree and that will be his final stand and he’ll die forgiven.

Podrick will probably die. It would suck for Brienne to lose him and Jamie in one go, but I don’t see Pod’s story line going anywhere else at the moment. Could be wrong though.

Ghost made an appearance this week. No dragons so his CGI budget was intact. I think showing him was a subtle reminder that he’s still around, and that he’s probably going to die. Hopefully saving Jon’s life. Would be a good time too for Arya’s Direwolf Nymeria to show up with her pack and start ripping out white walker throats.

People I don’t care about living or dying:

Grey Worm and Missandei, the relationship I care the least about, had a nice goodbye. They talked of their future plans. I’m not sure if either of them will or won’t make it out of this battle alive, but I’m not going to guess because I honestly don’t care.

Gilly is back. Gilly will be in the crypt with Sam and Little Sam. Meh. Don’t really care about any of that.

Jon’s Night Watch buddies. Meh.

Beric is here for the Lord of Light. I could see him dying next week while saving someone who is actually key to the story aka the Lord of Light’s plan. I don’t really care either way though.

People who are going to live:

Dany and Sansa try to talk it out. They almost come to an understanding several times, but every time Sansa pretty much shuts that shit down. I’m super in love with that fact that they aren’t friends at all. Every time Dany tries to talk to Sansa she sounds like she’s bullshitting her for some reason and I feel like the audience can see it and so can Sansa. These two have unresolved issues. They’ll live.

The Hound and Arya talk a bit and it doesn’t really go anywhere. He can’t die though because he has to kill The Mountain. At least I hope that’s how this all finally goes for him.

Brienne and Tormund…well, nothing is resolved there. Both will live and with Jamie out of the way….

Tryion resolves his issues with Dany and his brother. He will live.

The biggest move forward this week was Jon telling Dany that he’s the last male heir Targaryen. Instead of being horrified that she’s been banging her nephew for the last few weeks/months (what is Time on this show?), she is mad she isn’t the rightful heir to the throne. Before they can talk it out, the battle is about to begin and the episode is over. Both will live. They gotta figure this shit out.

No one talked about the dragons this week or what the plans are to use them in battle, but I am looking forward to seeing the two living ones vs the one dead one.

Best quotes this week:

  • Daenerys: I see one man, with one hand.
  • Dany: He never should have trusted Cersei / Sansa: You never should have either.
  • Lyanna: I will not hide underground. I pledged to fight for The North and I will fight.
  • Arya: My weapon? / Gendry *rock hard*: I’ll get right on it.
  • Sansa: What about The North? It was taken from us and we took it back. And we said we’d never bow to anyone else again. What about The North?
  • Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.
  • The Hound: I fought for you didn’t I?
  • Tormund: They call me ‘Giantsbane’. I killed a giant when I was ten. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife. And she woke up. You know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong. Giant’s milk. *cue Jamie’s wtf face*
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A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE ONE

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First thing’s first: Cool new intro. I love that they’re switching it up this final season. They’re showing the progress of the White Walkers heading south too and that will be fun to track via the intro each new episode. 

Also, I guess we’re giving up episode title names for season eight. So that’s weird.

Let’s start with the south and King’s Landing. Cersei is pregnant and the baby’s daddy once again is her brother. Well since Jamie fucked right on off up to Winterfell (assuming he’s going to go tell Tyrion she aint coming) she’s gotta figure out a way to make this baby legitimate. Enter Euron Greyjoy. And enter he did. Finally, Cersei sends Bron off to murder Tyrion. Will he do it? Probably not. 

Theon finally saves Yara who rightly head butts him, but ultimately forgives him. Theon asks to go to Winterfell to fight and Yara lets him because let’s face it, Theon is not really that useful. He’s probably going to die doing something semi-heroic to redeem himself in the battle for Winterfell. 

Daenery’s shows up at Winterfell to a very hostile North. Sansa particularly aint havin’ any of that shit. Jon and Arya have a super awesome reunion and when Jon tries to joke about how Sansa is being a brat Arya shuts that shit down real quick, which I kind of love. Females empowering females. 

Jamie shows up at Winterfell towards the end and Three Eyed Bran (3EB) is like ‘sup, remember me? I doubt he’ll say much about it though considering he’s told everyone he can this episode that he’s no longer Bran, just the three eyed raven. Fuck we get it Bran. Could you stop making everyone feel so god damn weird all the time? The big question is what will Dany do about the fact that the man who killed her crazy ass father has just arrived? How will Tyrion take it when she inevitably kills him? Or will this be her chance to show some mercy since she hasn’t really before? 

Tons of reunions this episode. Arya/Sam/Bran & Jon. Sansa & Tyrion. Yara & Theon. Gendry/The Hound & Arya. Jorah & Sam. 

Oh right about that Sam and Jorah thing. Dany is super stoked to meet Sam because he saved the life of her friend zoned forever bff Jorah. Only thing is….she also burned his father and brother alive. It’s….awkward to say the least. This gives Sam the fuel fire he needs to confront Jon and tell him he is really Aegon Targaryen. What Jon ends up doing with that information, only time will tell. More importantly when he realizes he’s been fucking his Aunt this entire time, what will he do? Since Targaryen’s were fairly incestual for most of their bloodline I’d say this just becomes a minor plot point. 

I love that zero people have asked about what happened to Little Finger. 

Also, RIP Lord Umber and Last Hearth. 

Best quotes this week:

  • Sansa to Tyrion: I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.
  • Lyanna: You left Winterfell a King and came back a — I’m not sure what you are now. My Lord? Nothing at all?
  • Sansa: What do Dragon’s eat anyway?  Dany: Whatever they want.
  • Jon to Arya: How’d you sneak up on me?
  • Jon to Arya: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. Arya to Jon: She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met.
  • The Hound to Arya: You left me to die. Arya to The Hound: First I robbed you.