A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE THREE: HOLY SHIT

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By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
Doesn’t all the petty drama and bullshit from last week seem pretty stupid now? I wrote a whole post last week about the politics of people’s emotions with each other and this whole episode certainty made all that seem rather tiresome. 
Going back to my last post, I was a little ambitious with the amount of people I had dying.  I think we all honestly expected more people to kick the bucket this episode. I correctly predicted Jorah, Lyanna (that little 80 lb. Gryffindor just stabbing that Giant in the eye: hero status), Theon (REDEEMED, RIP) , Edd (thanks, Sam!) and Beric (purpose served). 
I am seriously impressed so many people lived and also a bit like….really? Brienne almost died in the first five minutes of that battle and then her and Jamie and even Podrick are just like BARELY holding back a million dead people for like four hours.
Looks like Grey Worm is probably fine along with The Hound, Gendry, maybe Gilly, Tormund, Ghost. Hard to say for sure, but they’re probably fine. 
Turns out the crypts are NOT safe. When you’re fighting a guy that can animate the dead, maybe don’t hide among the dead. A bunch of women and children died, but all the main characters down there were mostly safe I think. Tyrion and Sansa had a rather touching moment. Future BFFs. 
It was really a great battle episode though. Highlights were the dothraki running with fire in the dark towards the dead and watching the fire slowly go out. Then there was the dead killing themselves to make a bridge of dead people for the dead to cross. So much dead. Another great bit was Dany trying to light the ice king on fire, and a big oh shit when that didn’t work. Then there was the dead SWARMING a dragon. Holy shit. Looks like both the dragons are still alive though according to the trailer for next week and dead dragon is dead. 
Anyone else really annoyed and confused though about Jon and Dany taking fucking dragon magic carpet rides through the clouds like Aladdin and Jasmine? Uh, war is that way dummies – on the ground. It was pretty damn weird and confusing. I understood that they couldn’t see anything, but it just felt really weird. 
Sam was the biggest disappointment of the episode. I thought he was going to go in the crypt and then he shows up and just puts other people’s lives in danger trying to protect him. I love that bit where Jon sees Sam fighting for his life and he like…ALMOST stops and saves him, but then he’s like, nah too much trouble and not enough reward. Sam got a lot of people killed this episode and that little shit should have just stayed in the crypt. 
The biggest surprise was Melisandre showing up with her cryptic ass warnings and getting everyone to figure out their destinies. Then she just Voldemorted away into the sunrise dead AF. 
Bran spends the episode peacing out on a mushroom trip while ten people protect him. I’m not sure what the point of the drifting into a bunch of raven bodies was, but he came back just in time to be like – thanks Theon…byeeeeee. 
The most intense scene was Arya tip toeing through Winterfell trying not to attract any dead. Got serious Jurassic Park vibe with that one. Velociraptors in the kitchen, anyone? 
FINALLY, we think Jon is going to kill the Night King a few times but then BAM mutha fuckin’ ARYA STARK comes out of nowhere and just fuckin’ DESTROYS him. Ya dead bitch. Along with every creature he ever made. So I guess that’s the end of the dead being a problem. I thought we’d get them for a few more episodes, but that’s one way to solve that problem. Arya kind of looks at Bran like damn did I just do that? And Bran classically just stares off into space again. 
Shout out to the sound editing peeps and the score on this episode. Fantastic. 
Now we get to see Dany, Jon, two dragons, and about 15 people take Westeros from Cersei and her army. That is if they’re still talking.

Damn Cersei, you smart staying warm, dry and drunk in King’s Landing.

Not a lot of talking this week, but best quotes this week:
  • Bran: I’m going to go now *trips out*
  • Melisandre: Brown eyes, green eyes….and blue eyes.
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