A Recap of Thrones: Season Six, Episode Eight: No One
By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
Remember that time Arya got just about seven mortal stab wounds, including a twist of the knife in the gut, and then DIDN’T die? Let’s recap that shall we?
There was many a rumor that last episode, the person getting stabbed couldn’t possibly be Arya. Arya would NEVER spend nearly two years getting training to be an assassin, and then flaunt her wealth around town, serenely stare out at the water letting her guard down just to get stabbed. She couldn’t possibly be that stupid, right? Well, turns out she could. All that training for nothing. Arya goes to find the actress she was supposed to kill, who somehow turns seven mortal stab wounds into a slight flesh wound that can be healed with heroin and bandages. I can’t be the only one who finds this hard to believe right? The Waif finds Arya, kills the actress, and chases her through the streets. Arya leads her underground where she has hidden her sword Needle, and kills the Waif using her skills of being blind for so long. She then cuts the Waif’s face off and sticks it in the hall of many faces for Sexy Jesus to find. She tells him she’s Arya Stark, Lady of Being Stupid and Staying in Essos for Two Years for No Reason, and she’s headed back to Winterfell. Well that didn’t make any sense, but there you have it.
The Hound exacts his beautiful revenge on several of the men who killed the people he was staying with. There are many a beautiful deaths that occur. He goes on to find the ring leader, but Beric Dondarrion finds them first. Beric, we first saw back in the first few seasons. The Hound and Beric fought, and Beric died but the Lord of Light brought him back. They make a quick alliance to kill the men together in a hanging, and The Hound joins them, at least for dinner.
Tyrion bids farewell to Varys who sets sail for Westeros to make more friends for Danareys. It’s sad to see the two part, and Tyrion tries to fill the void by redoubling his efforts to befriend Missandei and Grey Worm. It seems like it will work until the Masters of Astapor come with their ships to lay siege to Mereen. Just as things get desperate, Dany shows up on Drogon, looking at everything like she can’t even take a fucking vacation around here or the whole city literally burns to the ground.
Cersei chooses violence rather beautifully. The High Septon demands Cersei see him at the Sept, to which Cersei says how about I send one of your men back in a body bag? The Mountain beats one pretty fully to death, which clearly enrages the Septon who has a few words with Tommen (AKA, the killer of all Cleaganebowl hype), who now demands that there be no more trial by combat. Years of hype ruined by a ten year old who names his cat Ser Pounce. So disappointing. Cersei AND Loras’ trial will take place soon. I’m sure Margaery has a plan to get Loras out of this, but it looks more and more likely that Cersei will die this season. I think it’s safe to assume she’s going to try to take every single person down with her on the way.
Brienne and Pod arrive at Riverrun, and after some hilarious banter between Bron and Pod, we see Brienne work with Jamie to convince the Blackfish to give up Riverrun. The Blackfish does have sentiment towards Sansa, but he tells Brienne that Riverrun is his home, and he will defend it. Brienne tires to get him to come back with her, but he refuses and dies when Jamie takes the castle with the help of Edmund Tully. Jamie takes a complete 180 from his book character delivering an obnoxious speech about how Cersei is his everything. It is nice that he sees Brienne fleeing with Pod, and lets her go peacefully. It shows that there is at least one thing he cares for besides his sister.
Overall it was an episode that had its moments, but really it was just a precursor to a giant battle between the Bastards, and eventually destruction of Cersei and everyone around her. As for the Arya stuff, I think we are all still scratching our head over that plot decision.
Best quotes this week:
– “You’re shit at dying, you know that?” – The Hound
– “Varys! The most famous dwarf in the world.” – Tyrion Lannister
– “Lesson number one, assume everyone wants to hit you. Because they do Pod, Everyone wants to hit a fucking squire.” – Bron