A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E02: STORMBORN

A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Two: Stormborn

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

At Dragonstone, Daenerys is with her advisers, Varys and Tyrion. She questions Vary’s loyalty and who he has served since her birth. The answer is a lot of people, but Varys isn’t dumb. He answers all her questions perfectly, even going as far to say that he serves the people of Westeros above all. Dany makes him promise that if she is failing the people at any moment, he tell her to her face rather than conspire behind her back. Oh, and if she finds out he has conspired against her from here on out, she will burn him alive. Nice touch.

The red woman, Melisandre shows up, riding down from the North where she was banished by Jon for burning a small child alive. Let’s not forget that. Dany asks what Melisandre’s Lord of Light expects from her. Melisandre repeats her ‘the prince that was promised will bring the dawn” bullshit. Dany says she can’t help her because she’s not a prince, but Missandei interprets and says that in High Valyrian the translation of prince is a noun that can mean prince or princess so really she qualifies, and we all know the red woman is dying to blindly worship someone again. She says that Dany has a role to play in the war to come and so does Jon Snow, the King in the North. Tyrion perks up at this, remembering how he and Jon left on good terms at the wall in the first season. He trusts Jon’s judgement and since the Red Woman is insinuating that he has some crazy news to share they invite him to bend the knee and share it. Dany agrees. Omgz come meet your future wife, Jon.

In Westeros, Jon, Davos and Sansa read the letter from Tyrion. Sansa says (as his kind of still maybe wife?) that Tyrion isn’t like the other Lannisters. He was always kind to her. However, they agree that it’s too dangerous to go meet Dany, but they do agree that if the army of the dead makes it past the wall they don’t have enough men to fight them.Jon gets his raven from Sam and repeat the news to his lords that Sam knows Dragonglass exists beneath Dragonstone, but they have to trust Tyrion. Jon says he’s going to go meet with Dany. They need the dragonglass in order to defeat the wights. Sansa says it’s a trap, but Jon doesn’t believe that Tyrion would lie to him. The men agree with Sansa and they all insist he stays. Jon says none of them have seen the army of the dead and he says they need allies even if it is a risk and he will leave Sansa as head of the north while he is gone. No one complains about that much. Jon goes down to the crypt where Petyr (thrilled that Sansa is now in charge, puke), finds him. Petyr says he loves Sansa just as he loved Catlyn. Jon chokes him up against a wall and says if he touches Sansa he will kill him. Kind of lovin’ it over here. Now if only Sansa is smart enough to trust in Jon while he is gone and make good decisions. Please dear lordy.

Cersei makes big speech to the handful of lords who are still ‘loyal’ to her (read loyal: afraid she will burn them all to the ground with wildfire). She makes of lot of propaganda claims that the Dothraki are savage and Dany will destroy the seven realms as they know it (is that so bad? The seven realms kind of suck right now). Randyll Tarly (Sam’s Dad) shows up to hear what Cersei has to say, but he’s not buying it. Jamie, to the disappointment of many, pulls him aside and insists that he help out, because if he professes his loyalty to Cersei the rest of the noblemen will. With the Sandsnakes and all of Dorne backing Dany as well as the Tyrells, Cersei is desperate for people to be loyal to her. The fact that after everything Jamie has been through, he is backing Cersei still is completely frustrating. It’s also something I feel like book Jamie would never do.

Qyburn, Cersei’s insane crazy doctor surgeon wizard thing (now hand of the queen), leads Cersei down to the crypt to see the skulls of the dragons that Aegon rode across the sea to bring the seven kingdoms to his rule. Quburn says that the dragons aren’t invincible. He’s had word that one of Dany’s dragons were wounded by spears in the fighting pits in Mereen. He thinks if they can be wounded they can be killed. He reveals a crossbow that his fucking huge, that they blacksmiths of King’s Landing have been forging day and night. It certainly looks big enough to slay a dragon and Cersei pulls the lever, which slams into the skeleton skull of the dragon in the crypt, proving his point.

Back in Dragonstone, Yara Greyjoy tells Dany to hurry up and take the Iron Throne. She suggest that with all of their weapons and dragons they can take King’s Landing in a day. The Sandsnake agrees, even though the casualties will be high, she sees the people as collateral in the war for the throne. Tyrion tells her that they don’t poison little girls here, remembering his fondness for his niece Myrcella, facing the woman who killed her. Dany says she’s not here to be Queen of the Ashes and Olenna Tyrell agrees to a point. She remembers that Margaery was loved and now she’s ashes. Pause for a moment and take in that three women are offering advice to another woman as their Queen. This is the kind of progressive shit I love in Game of Thrones.

Dany takes in their advice, but she says they will not attack King’s Landing, they will lay siege to the capital surrounding it on all sides. They will starve them out of King’s Landing, and they won’t use Dothraki and Unsullied, they will use Westerosi army. Meanwhile the Dothraki will go to Casterly Rock and take it, effectively taking the Lannister’s seat of power. The three women agree and holy fuck women rule. Dany asks to talk to Olenna alone, she says that she knows she’s just there for revenge, but Dany promises peace. Olenna says that she’s ignored most clever men in her life and she’s outlives them all (read Tyrion) and that since Dany is a dragon she shouldn’t be afraid to act like one.

Missandei knows Greyworm is leaving for Casterly Rock tomorrow and is upset he didn’t come to say goodbye to her. He says it’s hard to say goodbye to her because she is his weakness. He says when he was an unsullied child they would use his fears against him. He says because of her he now has fear and they quickly and finally make out and the award for first boobs of the season go to Missandei. Props.

Sam is in the Citadel watching Jorah get his Greyscale examined. The maester says they should have cut off his arm the moment he was touched. Jorah wants to know how long and the maester says 10-20 before it kills him, but only 6 months before he loses his mind. Meanwhile, in the regular section of the library, Professor Slughorn is using Sam as a book cart. Sam tells him that he knows of two recorded cases where advance Greyscale has been cured. Slughorn says that the procedure he speaks of is too dangerous, which is why it’s now forbidden. Jorah is in his prison writing what I can only guess is a suicide letter to Daenerys when Sam comes in with all the things he may need for a surgery. Sam says that he knew Jorah’s father because he met him when he was serving as Night’s Watch where he went after he was exiled as a knight and came to be commander. For those who don’t remember he was killed in the mutiny at Craster’s keep. Sam gives Jorah some rum and tell his to drink it all because what he’s about to do is going to hurt. He proceeds to peel the entire first layer of greyscale off of Jorah. Holy fuck it looks like a bitch.

Cut to a scene of a man in a pub biting into a meat pie that looks a lot like Jorah’s skin. I swear to the Seven, they want us to puke every episode. Arya is nearby these two listening in in and gathering information on Cersei and what’s going on at King’s Landing. Fat shit, Hot Pie shows up as he is working in the pub and asks what’s happened to her. She answers so clinically it’s almost hard to see the Arya we all love. Is she so blinded by revenge at this point? She seems so set on her destination to King’s Landing that we finally see a crack in her revenge armor as Hot Pie informs her that Jon and Sansa have taken Winterfell. We see her exit and instead of following the men to King’s Landing she heads toward Winterfell. MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT. She rides and makes camp later in the day but the horse is agitated so she pulls out needle and suddenly they are surrounded by wolves.Then the biggest wolf of them all comes in and HOLY FUCK IT’S NYMERIA. ARYAS FUCKING DIREWOLF IS BACK. Arya tries to get Nymeria to come with her, but the direwolf goes and takes her pack with her. It’s sad, but also HOLY FUCK NYMERIA IS ALIVE.

The Sandsnakes are bitching in a hold in the Greyjoy’s ship. Their mother, Elia is in a room on the ship with Theon and Yara talking about the merits of Dorne. The girls flirt, and talk about how Theon will be Yara’s protector one day when she is queen. They are about to bang-o-rang when the ships come under attack. Euron Greyjoy has found them and rams his ships with theirs. Euron slams down into a ship in a strange but accurate WWE style and suddenly it’s an all out battle on board, which is a far cry from the monotony and politics of last episode. Two of the sandsnakes fight Euron and unlike their book counterparts (who would have won) they die. Yara finds Euron and they duke it out. It looks like he’s going to win when Theon finds Euron with his dagger to Yara’s throat. Theon almost becomes a hero but instead he jumps overboard like a little bitch. I only hope that he follows the ship they’ve taken Yara on and comes back as a hero. It’s so disappointing to see that he can’t get past what was done to him (then again, who can blame him?).

____________________________________________________________

Best quotes this week:

• “You wish to know where my true loyalties lie? Not to any Queen or King, but with the people. The people who suffer under despots and prosper under just rule. The people whose hearts you aim to win. If you demand blind allegiance I respect your wishes. But if you let me live I will serve you well. I will dedicate myself to seeing you on the iron throne because I choose you. Because I know the people have no better chance than you.” Varys
• I”m heading north, Girl. Back to winterfell. I’m finally going home. Come with me.” – Arya

Let’s not forget this gem:

Arya: This is good

Hot Pie: Do you think so? The secret is browning the butter before making the dough.

Arya: Mm, I didn’t do that.

Hot Pie: You been making pies?

Arya: One or two

Side note: She’s referring to the human pie of Walder Frey’s son’s that she made him eat before killing him. Bitch is stone cold.