Author: @sheldonspanjer
Cathy’s Take on ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) – Cute | Laugh Riot
Directed by: Joe Johnston
Starring: Rick Moranis and Dee Wallace
How I Watched: The Rex Drive-In Movie Theatre
My name is Cathy Salinsky. One of my favorite movies in the whole wild world is Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. It is a really funny family romp that asks the question, what if Rick Moranis shrunk his family and then had to answer to his wife, played by Dee Wallace. Anyway, when I was twenty-five, that movie played at the Rex Drive-In Movie Theatre. Double billed with All Dogs Go to Heaven. I didn’t prefer that one as much although I do love the part where all the dogs went to heaven.
When I first saw Honey I Shrunk the Kids, I was amazed by the science fiction writing and the cool special effects, but what really amazed me is that Rick Moranis and his wife and half of the kids that got shrunk (the oldest girl and the brown haired boy) all have the surname Szalinski, which sounds just like my last name. Although, not quite spelled the same. But I went on ancestry.com and found out that our names came from the same area of Poland back in the 1880s (I checked ancestry.com more recently. Obviously it did not exist in 1989, when Honey, I Shrunk the Kids came on the scene). But can you just imagine, little old Cathy Salinsky from Auburn, WA being related to a famous movie family. That got me thinking. Boy, that must be a sign if I ever heard one.
Ever since then I have been OBSESSED with movies of all kinds, from A Walk to Remember to You, Me, and Dupree and everything in between.
I ain’t no Hollywood insider and I certainly don’t have a film critic degree. But I love movies, always have (ever since Honey, I Shrunk the Kids). And if you’re like me, you can’t afford to go traipsing outside everyday to catch a flick at the cineplex. It’s like $12 for a movie ticket and then you got to get popcorn cause no movie is complete without popcorn and that’s another 15 or so dollars and it just isn’t realistic for people anymore. And the people at Netflix realize this.
With Netflix, I can watch whichever movie I want. For a reasonable monthly fee. I can go down to the Grocery Outlet and buy a box of popcorn for like $2.49 or splurge for the good stuff at $2.99 and I can share it with Carmen, my mutt puppy (who rescued who?) and we can watch back to back to back to back movies on a Friday night. Sometimes I get naughty and add another movie for fun. Carmen falls asleep but I don’t mind being alone if a good flick is on.
I have gotten to know Netflix inside and outside. And I thought to myself, Cathy, you can’t keep all this priceless knowledge and movie recommendations to yourself. I started off my printing out recommendations at work and putting them on the bulletin board, but Anton, my manager, stated the bulletin board is for work specific pieces of information. So, I thought, why not write for a movie weblog. Who better to share my expertise (I always loved that word) with people who really love movies and want to read about good movies on the internet? So this is that weblog. Welcome to my column, Cathy’s Guide to Netflix.
Enjoy. I know I will.
Cathy Gives It: 10/10 Oatmeal Sandwich Cookies
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Similar Films: All Dogs Go to Heaven, Honey, I Blown Up the Kids, Dee Wallace Movies
The Revenant
The Revenant (2015) – Drama | Action
Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez-Inarritu
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy
How I Watched: Theater
Best Line: “It turns out Jesus is a squirrel. A big fat meaty one. And I shot and ate that son of a bitch.”
This film is a monument to brutality; an absolute monster that initiates its death march in the hunt to crush your being within the first few seconds. Emmanuel “Chivo” Lubezki‘s endless sweeping shots that we are all still coming to terms with (see Children of Men, Birdman, Gravity, shit, ANYTHING by Malick in the last 10 years) are at their most devastating and vicious throughout. You know that feeling when a day is coming to an end and you just want those last few minutes of light? That’s the feeling I got here and it lasted for a very intense 156 minutes.
The Revenant is important in so many ways, but I’d like to start with some testosterone-driven reasons. This is a god damn revenge flick. Straight up, blackened, hardcore revenge. This is also a survival movie. Those of you that saw the previews for this and pictured Rambo running through the forests of First Blood or Anthony Hopkins fooling that Kodiak in The Edge will not be disappointed. I know, because I loved The Revenant like those movies, as if I was lost in that great hopeless expanse with them.
Now, I’ve also heard some remarks concerning the pacing of this film. Listen, I get it. I happened to hear the same rumblings walking out of Inarritu‘s Birdman and definitely felt this way the first time I saw his epic, Babel. This is not as much movie though, as it is an experience. Experiences on the screen are meant to pick you up out of your seat and treat you as if you are part of the story. It usually is triggered at the beginning; a slow panning shot with no credits and no dialogue. Just the slow movement of the camera, welcoming you to join. If I see this at the beginning of a movie (There Will Be Blood, holy shit) I’m in, and I’m in for the long haul. The pacing is part of that experience, no matter how long Leo scuffles through the snow in silence.
I suppose I should discuss the acting. Both DiCaprio and Hardy are phenomenal in this. If you’re expecting to see some Titanic-y Leo or ripped-up Hardy, you’re going to be let down. They look more like extras that fell in the mud on Deadwood than they do Hollywood stars. This is all part of it though.
DiCaprio grabs the screen from the beginning and just puts it in his pocket. Never have I seen him more outstanding. I really felt like he was in pain and that his quest was driven by overwhelming hatred. Which brings me to his fellow nominee, Hardy. There’s a lot of us out there that get Tom Hardy. We just get it. Not Bane Hardy. No, I’m talking about the incredibly horrifying beast in Bronson and the quiet badass in Warrior. While he’s great in this, and it’s definitely top-5 Hardy, this is Leo’s film. Hardy is really just a great complement to the whole show.
Now onto the music. God damn, the absolutely batshit score in this movie is so nuts. It does a great job ramping up the action scenes and pressing on your chest during some of the more emotional scenes, but where it really shines is in the film’s quieter moments. It’s really not fair to describe it in words, but it really felt like Twin Peaks-era Angelo Badalamenti being rearranged by a classically-trained serial cannibal confined to an asylum. This is all part of the experience.
The Revenant is not for everyone. Between the lack of female performances, the sheer intensity that does not let up, and the pacing, it’s enough to keep a lot of people away. The only spoiler I’ll give you is in the form of this recommendation. When that first shot envelops the canvas in that theater and the music softly sweeps over the crawling shot of the bubbling mountain stream, jump in. Just let it take you. You won’t be sorry.
Final Score: 4/4
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Similar Films: The Edge, The Grey, First Blood
Kingsman: The Secret Service
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) – Action | Comedy
Directed by: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Colin Firth and Taron Egerton
How I Watched: Amazon Instant Video | Blu-Ray
Best Line: “I’m a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.”
Director Matthew Vaughn seems to know exactly what an audience wants when they go to a movie. Whether it’s 2010’s Kick-Ass or the excellent X-Men: First Class, Vaughn consistently provides a funny and violent trip that is sure to satisfy even the most jaded film-goer. When the TV spots first dropped for this one, I had my doubts – a lot of them. But when I finally watched it last year after a glowing suggestion from a friend, I realized I should never have doubted it at all.
If you appreciate stylized hyperviolence in films as much as I do, this is a crowning achievement in that area. There are certain scenes in this movie that will make your jaw hit the floor. Just like Kick-Ass, the film does not shy away from exceptionally bloody wounds that are so insane, you can’t help but laugh. Sure, they’re absolutely computer generated wounds, but god damn, they’re ridiculous.
Speaking of which, the best scene in the movie takes place in a Southern Baptist Church. This is where The Kingsman separates itself from the rest of the Spy Movie crowd. It is so out of control and vicious that you can’t help but bust up laughing. Colin Firth goes full Rambo amid a moshpit of rabid Westboro Baptist-like psychos set to the wild solo section of Lynyrd Skynard’s “Free Bird.” It is honestly one of my favorite scenes in cinematic history and has to be seen to believed.
I can’t help but wonder what Hollywood would have done to this film had it not been so obviously British. It does not take the tamed approach to action films that Hollywood does and instead pours on great amounts of foul language and violence. Sure, a lot of it is bathed in a cockney slang that occasionally requires subtitles to translate, but that’s half the fun. Even Samuel L. Jackson has an accent in this. It’s not British, but it’s definitely a good time.
I think having a surround sound setup in a home theater is absolutely necessary to enjoy a movie like this. I know a lot of people out there don’t have one, but your experience will definitely benefit from it with this movie. A lot of the scenes feature some spinning camerawork and slow-motion choreography that is accompanied perfectly by the sound editing. Home theaters were made for films like this one.
One thing I can’t figure out is how McDonald’s managed to product-place itself so well in a couple scenes. This movie does not strike me as one that needs to do that like any Michael Bay ride, but there are a few instances that strangely pop up in The Kingsman. Don’t get me wrong, they use it in a way that is funny, but it is still extremely odd.
The acting in The Kingsman is great. With the main characters of Taron Egerton and Colin Firth accompanied by the likes of Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Caine and Mark Strong, the movie is in very good hands. And for those of you Star Wars freaks out there, there is even a Mark Hamill sighting. This one isn’t exactly going to pass the Bechdel Test, but hey, how many action movies do?
All you out there that have seen this, might (and probably will) be pleased to know that the sequel is in the works and is due to drop in 2017. With the likes of Channing Tatum, Julianne Moore and Halle Berry joining (as well as a rumored Colin Firth return), Kingsman: The Golden Circle should be just as fun as this one.
This one is really a great movie all around. The ending though, is perhaps one of the better payoffs I’ve seen in any film recently. There are quite literally fireworks used to end the story and it, like the church scene, is a laugher. By the way, any movie that manages to slip in some Bryan Ferry is going to win me over every time.
Final Score: 4/4
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Similar Films: Kick-Ass, The James Bond Series, John Wick
The Hallow
The Hallow (2015) – Horror
Directed by: Corin Hardy
Starring: Joseph Mawle and Bojana Novakovic
How I Watched: Streamed on Netflix
Best Line: “Hallow be their name / And blest be their claim / If you who trespass put down roots / Then Hallow be your name.”
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that you’ve never heard of previously and bites the living hell out of you. This is one of those. Grasping onto its predecessors in the ‘shack in the woods’ genre, The Hallow knows what its job is right from the get-go. Never taking itself too seriously, but at the same time, avoiding any laughable moments, this flick will definitely get under your skin. There’s monsters, some paranormal weirdness and some really jumpy scares. So switch off the lights and turn it up loud.
There is a blast of immediate dread when the movie begins that seems to be lacking in a lot of horror movies lately. Very often, we get the slow burn for the first hour or so, that builds into a bloody, chaotic payoff that just manages to hold the film together. That’s not the case in The Hallow. We are introduced to the characters a lot like in The Shining as an automobile is seen looping through country roads on the way to its ominous destination. Without ruining anything, a married couple with a newborn is moving from London to the Irish countryside, where the father is tasked with preparing the forest for logging. This does not make the forest or inhabitants happy, and did I mention the couple has a newborn? Ok, that’s all I’ll tell you about the plot.
A lot like Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series, there are a number of disgusting and squishy moments that made me recoil. When I say squishy and Evil Dead in the same sentence, you probably know what I mean; revolting sounds of flesh getting smashed and the gooey crunching of various parts in monster’s teeth. There’s a lot of that in this one. But unlike Sam Raimi’s series, it’s not very funny. At all, actually.
Now, a lot of people have problems with CGI in horror movies. I am one of those people, but I understand it in moderation. The Hallow does a great job of using it when they need to. At times, you can tell the CGI would probably look ridiculous, but the creators did a great job with the lighting so that the effects don’t take center stage. This by all means is a monster movie, so there were plenty of chances for the team that filmed this to screw it up.
Those of you frightened by the creatures in The Descent or some of the fairy tale monsters in Pan’s Labyrinth need to stay away from this one. The Hallow borrows from those films and turns it up to 11. There are some absolutely jarring jump scares in this and the things causing them are anything but pleasant. Watch out, too if you’re easily affected by eye injuries on film.
I think one aspect of the film that it could have improved upon was to further explore the mythology that is behind the menacing force out in those woods. It is briefly touched on as the small town’s unspoken folklore, but there was definite opportunity to make this story as chilling as something out of Lovecraft. There is even what seems to be a direct reference to the Necronomicon in one of the scenes, which again, is not focused on enough.
Really though, this was a great film. It’s vicious in pace, storytelling and bloodletting. It does a great job of building dread, but not for so long that you anticipate the next scare. The film knows right when to surprise you. If you have surround sound, you’re in for a treat as the sound editors did a wonderful job using the rear sound field to assist in the scares. The acting was pretty good, but if you have a difficult time with English and Irish accents, you might need to flip on those subtitles. So switch those lights off and enjoy tonight’s nightmares. This one will do everything to make you feel like you shouldn’t be in the dark.
Final Score: 3.5/4
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Similar Films: Evil Dead (all of them), Pan’s Labyrinth, The Descent
Welcome to CinemAbysmal!
Do you like movies? Good, me too. For a few years now, I’ve been uploading miniature reviews to Twitter. They’re really fun to write, but I always want to say more about the films I watch. So, I’ve created this space to vomit my thoughts of film for everyone! Lucky you!!
CinemAbysmal began years ago when I was writing for a site called PoweRanks. I only wrote reviews for movies that held a 5% or less on Rotten Tomatoes, as well as being universally hated by the entire world. It was at times excruciating and to say the least, a bit masochistic. I’ve decided the name works for movie reviews in general, so without further ado, let’s get started!
(Pssst! Go visit our friends over at worldofentertainment.info)
CinemAbysmal 