CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 38: Vampires & Werewolves!

Welcome to Episode 38 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we talk some really trashy horror, including Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne and the excellently stupid Howling II! Check it out in our BIO! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts!

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 38: Vampires & Werewolves!

Welcome to Episode 38 of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where contributors of CinemAbysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. This week, we talk some really trashy horror, including Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne and the excellently stupid Howling II! Check it out in our BIO! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

Find this new episode and more on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spreaker, and everywhere else you find podcasts!

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE THREE: HOLY SHIT

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By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)
Doesn’t all the petty drama and bullshit from last week seem pretty stupid now? I wrote a whole post last week about the politics of people’s emotions with each other and this whole episode certainty made all that seem rather tiresome. 
Going back to my last post, I was a little ambitious with the amount of people I had dying.  I think we all honestly expected more people to kick the bucket this episode. I correctly predicted Jorah, Lyanna (that little 80 lb. Gryffindor just stabbing that Giant in the eye: hero status), Theon (REDEEMED, RIP) , Edd (thanks, Sam!) and Beric (purpose served). 
I am seriously impressed so many people lived and also a bit like….really? Brienne almost died in the first five minutes of that battle and then her and Jamie and even Podrick are just like BARELY holding back a million dead people for like four hours.
Looks like Grey Worm is probably fine along with The Hound, Gendry, maybe Gilly, Tormund, Ghost. Hard to say for sure, but they’re probably fine. 
Turns out the crypts are NOT safe. When you’re fighting a guy that can animate the dead, maybe don’t hide among the dead. A bunch of women and children died, but all the main characters down there were mostly safe I think. Tyrion and Sansa had a rather touching moment. Future BFFs. 
It was really a great battle episode though. Highlights were the dothraki running with fire in the dark towards the dead and watching the fire slowly go out. Then there was the dead killing themselves to make a bridge of dead people for the dead to cross. So much dead. Another great bit was Dany trying to light the ice king on fire, and a big oh shit when that didn’t work. Then there was the dead SWARMING a dragon. Holy shit. Looks like both the dragons are still alive though according to the trailer for next week and dead dragon is dead. 
Anyone else really annoyed and confused though about Jon and Dany taking fucking dragon magic carpet rides through the clouds like Aladdin and Jasmine? Uh, war is that way dummies – on the ground. It was pretty damn weird and confusing. I understood that they couldn’t see anything, but it just felt really weird. 
Sam was the biggest disappointment of the episode. I thought he was going to go in the crypt and then he shows up and just puts other people’s lives in danger trying to protect him. I love that bit where Jon sees Sam fighting for his life and he like…ALMOST stops and saves him, but then he’s like, nah too much trouble and not enough reward. Sam got a lot of people killed this episode and that little shit should have just stayed in the crypt. 
The biggest surprise was Melisandre showing up with her cryptic ass warnings and getting everyone to figure out their destinies. Then she just Voldemorted away into the sunrise dead AF. 
Bran spends the episode peacing out on a mushroom trip while ten people protect him. I’m not sure what the point of the drifting into a bunch of raven bodies was, but he came back just in time to be like – thanks Theon…byeeeeee. 
The most intense scene was Arya tip toeing through Winterfell trying not to attract any dead. Got serious Jurassic Park vibe with that one. Velociraptors in the kitchen, anyone? 
FINALLY, we think Jon is going to kill the Night King a few times but then BAM mutha fuckin’ ARYA STARK comes out of nowhere and just fuckin’ DESTROYS him. Ya dead bitch. Along with every creature he ever made. So I guess that’s the end of the dead being a problem. I thought we’d get them for a few more episodes, but that’s one way to solve that problem. Arya kind of looks at Bran like damn did I just do that? And Bran classically just stares off into space again. 
Shout out to the sound editing peeps and the score on this episode. Fantastic. 
Now we get to see Dany, Jon, two dragons, and about 15 people take Westeros from Cersei and her army. That is if they’re still talking.

Damn Cersei, you smart staying warm, dry and drunk in King’s Landing.

Not a lot of talking this week, but best quotes this week:
  • Bran: I’m going to go now *trips out*
  • Melisandre: Brown eyes, green eyes….and blue eyes.

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE TWO: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE TALKS

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By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)The episode where everyone either talks, flirts, or gets it on. To be fair with only four episodes left and at least two more battles, characters do have to wrap their shit up with each other. The eerie part is that some characters resolved their issues and others did not. I have a feeling that those who didn’t are the ones who are going to survive next week’s episode.

So that’s my prediction.

Here’s my prediction of who dies based on this theory:

Jamie wraps up his beef with Dany, Sansa, Tyrion, Bran and even manages to knight Brienne in the process. Also, Bran gives him that creepy ‘how do you know there’s an afterwards?’. Jamie is gonna die.

Bran wraps up his 3EB bit by confessing he won’t tell anyone about what Jamie did, and tells everyone that the Night King is after him so they’ll use him as bait. Bran then spends the rest of his night telling Tyrion everything about his story and I’m going to assume all he knows. Bran is going to die.

Jorah wraps up his relationship with Dany, finally being okay with his relegation to the friend zone. He even tells her to keep Tyrion on as hand even after all his mighty fuck ups. Sam gives him his family sword and he has a conversation with Lyanna that sounds a lot like goodbye. I’m gonna say Jorah dies.

Lyanna will die. I can’t imagine her surviving this. Her combat skills aint that good. She’ll probably die with all the ‘The North will never bow again’ people. Wraps up that problem nicely.

Gendry makes a sword for Arya after she proves to him she can kill pretty well. This must have been her weird way of foreplay because she strips naked for him and bangs him before the battle starts. A bit out of character for Arya, but whatever. Good for Arya, good for Gendry. Gendry serves no purpose now. Bye Gendry.

Theon is accepted back at Winterfell by Sansa. He requests to defend Bran at the weirwood tree and that will be his final stand and he’ll die forgiven.

Podrick will probably die. It would suck for Brienne to lose him and Jamie in one go, but I don’t see Pod’s story line going anywhere else at the moment. Could be wrong though.

Ghost made an appearance this week. No dragons so his CGI budget was intact. I think showing him was a subtle reminder that he’s still around, and that he’s probably going to die. Hopefully saving Jon’s life. Would be a good time too for Arya’s Direwolf Nymeria to show up with her pack and start ripping out white walker throats.

People I don’t care about living or dying:

Grey Worm and Missandei, the relationship I care the least about, had a nice goodbye. They talked of their future plans. I’m not sure if either of them will or won’t make it out of this battle alive, but I’m not going to guess because I honestly don’t care.

Gilly is back. Gilly will be in the crypt with Sam and Little Sam. Meh. Don’t really care about any of that.

Jon’s Night Watch buddies. Meh.

Beric is here for the Lord of Light. I could see him dying next week while saving someone who is actually key to the story aka the Lord of Light’s plan. I don’t really care either way though.

People who are going to live:

Dany and Sansa try to talk it out. They almost come to an understanding several times, but every time Sansa pretty much shuts that shit down. I’m super in love with that fact that they aren’t friends at all. Every time Dany tries to talk to Sansa she sounds like she’s bullshitting her for some reason and I feel like the audience can see it and so can Sansa. These two have unresolved issues. They’ll live.

The Hound and Arya talk a bit and it doesn’t really go anywhere. He can’t die though because he has to kill The Mountain. At least I hope that’s how this all finally goes for him.

Brienne and Tormund…well, nothing is resolved there. Both will live and with Jamie out of the way….

Tryion resolves his issues with Dany and his brother. He will live.

The biggest move forward this week was Jon telling Dany that he’s the last male heir Targaryen. Instead of being horrified that she’s been banging her nephew for the last few weeks/months (what is Time on this show?), she is mad she isn’t the rightful heir to the throne. Before they can talk it out, the battle is about to begin and the episode is over. Both will live. They gotta figure this shit out.

No one talked about the dragons this week or what the plans are to use them in battle, but I am looking forward to seeing the two living ones vs the one dead one.

Best quotes this week:

  • Daenerys: I see one man, with one hand.
  • Dany: He never should have trusted Cersei / Sansa: You never should have either.
  • Lyanna: I will not hide underground. I pledged to fight for The North and I will fight.
  • Arya: My weapon? / Gendry *rock hard*: I’ll get right on it.
  • Sansa: What about The North? It was taken from us and we took it back. And we said we’d never bow to anyone else again. What about The North?
  • Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.
  • The Hound: I fought for you didn’t I?
  • Tormund: They call me ‘Giantsbane’. I killed a giant when I was ten. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife. And she woke up. You know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong. Giant’s milk. *cue Jamie’s wtf face*

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE ONE

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First thing’s first: Cool new intro. I love that they’re switching it up this final season. They’re showing the progress of the White Walkers heading south too and that will be fun to track via the intro each new episode. 

Also, I guess we’re giving up episode title names for season eight. So that’s weird.

Let’s start with the south and King’s Landing. Cersei is pregnant and the baby’s daddy once again is her brother. Well since Jamie fucked right on off up to Winterfell (assuming he’s going to go tell Tyrion she aint coming) she’s gotta figure out a way to make this baby legitimate. Enter Euron Greyjoy. And enter he did. Finally, Cersei sends Bron off to murder Tyrion. Will he do it? Probably not. 

Theon finally saves Yara who rightly head butts him, but ultimately forgives him. Theon asks to go to Winterfell to fight and Yara lets him because let’s face it, Theon is not really that useful. He’s probably going to die doing something semi-heroic to redeem himself in the battle for Winterfell. 

Daenery’s shows up at Winterfell to a very hostile North. Sansa particularly aint havin’ any of that shit. Jon and Arya have a super awesome reunion and when Jon tries to joke about how Sansa is being a brat Arya shuts that shit down real quick, which I kind of love. Females empowering females. 

Jamie shows up at Winterfell towards the end and Three Eyed Bran (3EB) is like ‘sup, remember me? I doubt he’ll say much about it though considering he’s told everyone he can this episode that he’s no longer Bran, just the three eyed raven. Fuck we get it Bran. Could you stop making everyone feel so god damn weird all the time? The big question is what will Dany do about the fact that the man who killed her crazy ass father has just arrived? How will Tyrion take it when she inevitably kills him? Or will this be her chance to show some mercy since she hasn’t really before? 

Tons of reunions this episode. Arya/Sam/Bran & Jon. Sansa & Tyrion. Yara & Theon. Gendry/The Hound & Arya. Jorah & Sam. 

Oh right about that Sam and Jorah thing. Dany is super stoked to meet Sam because he saved the life of her friend zoned forever bff Jorah. Only thing is….she also burned his father and brother alive. It’s….awkward to say the least. This gives Sam the fuel fire he needs to confront Jon and tell him he is really Aegon Targaryen. What Jon ends up doing with that information, only time will tell. More importantly when he realizes he’s been fucking his Aunt this entire time, what will he do? Since Targaryen’s were fairly incestual for most of their bloodline I’d say this just becomes a minor plot point. 

I love that zero people have asked about what happened to Little Finger. 

Also, RIP Lord Umber and Last Hearth. 

Best quotes this week:

  • Sansa to Tyrion: I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.
  • Lyanna: You left Winterfell a King and came back a — I’m not sure what you are now. My Lord? Nothing at all?
  • Sansa: What do Dragon’s eat anyway?  Dany: Whatever they want.
  • Jon to Arya: How’d you sneak up on me?
  • Jon to Arya: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. Arya to Jon: She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met.
  • The Hound to Arya: You left me to die. Arya to The Hound: First I robbed you.

A RECAP OF THRONES: SEASON SEVEN RECAP

A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven Recap

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

It’s that time again. The birds are chirping in the mornings, the days are starting to get longer, and HBO starts to release episodes of Game of Thrones for our viewing pleasure. Every year we blink, the season ends, and we are left wondering, “WHY DID THAT CHARACTER I LOVE HAVE TO DIE?” and “WHY DO I WATCH THIS SHOW?” So what better way to make the Game of Thrones season last a bit longer, than to relive the episodes the day after they air? Remember this is the LAST SEASON.

Check back in Sundays for the first recap of season seven, episode one, but first let’s start with a quick recap of season seven. It will be a good reminder of where all of our favorite and least favorite characters have ended up.

Let’s recap:

First off, RIP to all those we lost last season:

  • Obra Sand (meh)
  • Nymeria Sand (double meh)
  • Tyene Sand (triple meh)
  • Ellaria Sand (good)
  • Olenna Tyrell (FIERCEST DEATH)
  • Randyll Tarly (Dragon fire)
  • Dickon Tarly (your name is DICKON?! – also dragon fire)
  • All those Lannister Soldiers (more dragon fire)
  • Benjen Stark
  • Viserion (now undead Viserion)
  • Little Finger (Sometimes when I try to understand a person’s motives….I like to play a little game)

Things to remember from season 7:

We left season seven with Cersei saying she was down with an alliance after seeing a white walker and then noping out of that alliance ASAP. Cersei is pregnant with her brother’s baby. Cersei also might have more dragon catapult arrow throwers.

Theon punches a Greyjoy man to death and convinces the rest of the lot to go save Yara.

The Red Woman leaves for Essos, but not before telling Varys that she will be back and they will both die in Westeros.

Bran is Three Eyed Bran (3EB) and is still a weird little shit. He just is biding his time waiting to tell Jon of his true heritage. Sam is back with Bran and knows about the whole thing too so now we just wait for them to tell him that he just fucked his Aunt on a boat.

Sansa and Arya killed Littlefinger and it was glorious.

When Jon is beyond the wall they kill the main white walker of a group and somehow it kills all the other ones. So that’s helpful information to remember. Also remember that burning white walkers and stabbing them with dragonglass is the only way to kill them. Also Viserion is a white walker dragon and he burned down the wall.

Now we are all caught up. The Winds of Winter is still not out yet, George RR Martin thinks this shouldn’t be the last season of GoT but who gives a shit what he thinks? If he wanted an opinion he could have written faster.

We are starting Season 8 almost two years after Season 7 aired. We only get six episodes and then it’s over forever. Or you can continue when the Winds of Winter comes out in 5-10 years.  

Review of Thrones will be back Sunday night after GoT airs so check out CinemAbysmal for your every Sunday night just a few hours after the episode premiers. Don’t forget to grab your parent’s HBO password and join the world in prayer to the Seven that HBO GO doesn’t crash like it always does.

JUST F ALREADY PODCAST – EPISODE 12: THE MINOTAUR’S KISS BY ERIN ST. CHARLES

Yo and Holly read The Minotaur’s Kiss, a BWWM paranormal romance by Erin St. Charles. You can buy it for only $3.99 on Amazon. Also, we have a full mini interview with Erin below.

We also figure out on the pod that Yo is in love, we love women characters who eat food and respect themselves, and we have a fondness for guys who turn into animals sometimes. Whatever, no shame.

The next book we are reading is RAFE: A Buff Male Nanny (Loose Ends Book 1) by Rebekah Weatherspoon. It’s only $4.99 and you can buy it here.

If you have a recommendation for what we should read next leave us an iTunes review, a comment on our Instagram, write to us on facebook or @ us on Twitter.

As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

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Our Interview with Erin St. Charles!

JustFAlready: Who is your favorite romance author?

Erin St. Charles: OH GOD! That would be like picking my favorite child! There are a few I love. I got back into reading romance with Kristen Ashley, although I don’t read her much anymore. Theodora Taylor is probably my favorite indie author right now. Shelley Laurenston is my favorite paranormal author. Her stories are hilarious!

JustFAlready: What made you first want to write paranormal romance?

Erin St. Charles: Whenever I try to write a contemporary romance, my characters wind up being secret shifters, or conjure women, or succubi, or maybe genetically engineered super soldiers. I think the real world just doesn’t interest me. 😀

JustFAlready: Where do you draw inspiration from?

Erin St. Charles: My stories tend to be about social issues and the overarching theme that everyone deserves love. I’m a woman of color, and my late father had marched with Dr. King back in the day, so my stories tend to draw on minority experiences which, at the end of the day, is what shifter stories tend to be about.

JustFAlready: Do you self publish? What do you love about self publishing?

Erin St. Charles:I do self-publish, and I love it! I like the immediate gratification of writing something, getting it edited, having the covers made, the whole nine yards. My background is corporate marketing communications and promotions, and I have fun with the marketing aspects of indie publishing.

JustFAlready: Favorite Star Trek character?

Erin St. Charles: This is complicated. I have seen all the movies and shows. My favorite characters (in no particular order) are: Captain Sisko, Major Kira, Spock, Worf, 7 of 9, Captain Picard, Michael Burnham, and Tucker from “Enterprise.” Tucker influenced Bubba Cermak, a fan favorite from my series.