THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME EIGHTEEN: S01: E18 – THE TRUTH

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME SEVENTEEN: S01: E18 – THE TRUTH

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The O.C. Sundays – Volume Sixteen – Season One: Episode Eighteen: The Truth

Recap by Holly Hill

Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.

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Recap:

Ryan has been suspended. Sandy comes into the pool house to let Ryan know that Harbor school’s disciplinary committee is deciding on whether to expel him or not. Ryan says he’s not sorry for what he did because Oliver admitted the truth to his face. Sandy says the he can’t ground Ryan and that he’s welcome to leave and go after Oliver right now, but if he wants to be apart of the family he’s not allowed to go anywhere or see anywhere unless Sandy and Kirsten say it’s okay.

At school, Summer wisely tells Marissa that Ryan wouldn’t punch Oliver for no reason. He’s violent, but he’s not stupid. Marissa says that Ryan thinks Oliver is in love with her and Summer is like…well yeah. Marissa gets defensive because she’s insane. Marissa admits she broke up with Ryan.

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Seth admits to Anna that he hasn’t talked to Ryan since he punched Oliver. Seth says he begged Ryan to stay away from him and he didn’t listen so he’s a little miffed. Anna tries to get Seth to let her in more about the whole thing, but he rudely tells her that she doesn’t really know Ryan very well so maybe she should STFU (essentially). Seth, Anna, Summer and Marissa meet up in the hall and without Ryan the entire thing feels pretty weird. Oliver shows up to make it weirder and asks what they are all doing this weekend because he just invites himself into things. His lip is still all fucked up and he walks off with Marissa. Summer, Anna and Seth mention how happy Oliver looks.

Summer: Why shouldn’t he be? He’s got Marissa all to himself now.

Oh good of you all to finally catch on to what’s happening here! At lunch Oliver keeps trying to get Marissa to come snowboarding with him this weekend. She can’t because she’ll be at her Mom’s house all weekend. Luke shows up and Oliver says he has to convince her to go because it’s not healthy for her to spend the weekend right next to Ryan. Luke tells Oliver that that’s up to Marissa not him. Marissa gets a call on her cell and it’s Ryan. She doesn’t answer, and Luke having had enough of this shit, leaves. Marissa gets up to get dessert (yeah right) and Oliver takes her cell phone and listens to Ryan’s voicemail asking Marissa to meet him in the library after school to talk. Oliver deletes the message.

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Sandy and Kirsten have lunch together and Sandy wonders if he made a mistake bring Ryan home. Kirsten disagrees and they both feel secure in their decision. Suddenly men come into the office and start moving furniture. Apparently as the Newport Group’s new design director, Julie has decided to redecorate the entire office. Yikes.

Back in brother and sister land, aka Seth and Anna, Seth keeps blowing Anna off. He doesn’t want to hang out with her after school and he doesn’t want to talk with her about Ryan. Summer asks if she can hang out with them after school and suddenly they’re a weird threesome again. They are about to leave when Ryan shows up at school. Seth begs him to leave since he’s not supposed to be there. Ryan says Oliver is unstable and violent and he’s supposed to meet Marissa after school. He says that Natalie, Oliver’s girlfriend, probably doesn’t exists and Seth disagrees. It’d be INSANE to make up a girlfriend, right? Ryan goes any way and eventually Oliver meets Ryan in the library instead of Marissa. He tells Ryan that Marissa said she’s not coming and to stop calling her or she’s going to file a restraining order. Ryan doesn’t believe him and tells him this isn’t over.

Kirsten’s kitchen at home suddenly becomes her office as Julie’s decorating gets out of control. Julie shows up and asks if Kirsten wants to carpool to work. Seeing no way out of it Kirsten goes to change while Julie sits outside with a newspaper and coffee. Suddenly, Ryan shows up staring at her like a weirdo. She asks him why he isn’t at school.

Ryan: I got suspended.

Julie: Who did you beat up this time? Dr. Kim?

Ryan can’t help himself. He tells Julie all about Oliver and it seems as if she doesn’t believe him.

At work, Kirsten asks her Dad if she can talk about Julie. Caleb admits that Julie is driving him crazy. Caleb asks Kirsten if he can break up with Julie for him. Seriously, he asked that. Kirsten shows up at the office the next day and she is super impressed with the work Julie has done with the office. She tells Julie that her Dad doesn’t want to see her anymore.

At school, Oliver keeps pressuring Marissa to ask to spend the weekend with him instead of her Mom. He guilts her, saying she doesn’t want to hang out with him. Marissa says she would like to blow everything off and hang out with him but she can’t. Oliver is like okay, let’s just blow everything off then. Marissa agrees to ditch therapy and school with Oliver as long as he can bring her back in time for dinner with her Mom. Luke and Seth watch them go from afar and Luke laments on how he doesn’t trust Oliver. Seth asks if Luke has met Natalie and he says no.

Seth: Ryan thinks he made her up.

Luke recalls Oliver telling them Natalie went to Pacific and Luke knows people there so he says he’ll ask them if they know. At home that night, Seth has Anna and Summer over reading comic books. Anna is clearly jealous and starting to realize Seth might not be into her anymore. Luke stops by to see Ryan and tells him Marissa left school with Oliver today and didn’t come back and that he talked to his friends at Pacific and they said there is no Natalie.

Ryan sneaks next door to see Marissa and tells her there is no Natalie. Marissa is pissed off for some reason and is extra mad that Ryan called her Mom to tell her she wasn’t at school so her and Oliver both got in trouble. Marissa takes off and Sandy is super pissed that Ryan went to go see Marissa anyway. Suddenly Marissa is at Oliver’s pethouse and he is thrilled that he now has her all to himself.

The next morning Ryan apologizes to Sandy and tells him he shouldn’t have gone over there last night. Luke shows up at the house and Ryan tells him that he confronted her and she didn’t believe him. Luke says he is going to go make Marissa talk to him. In Oliver suites, he has a whole day planned with Marissa and even offers to take her to Paris too. Okay Marissa WAKE UP! Marissa’s phone rings and it’s Luke telling her there is no Natalie. Marissa asks him to go to her house tell her Mom she’s fine, pick up some clothes and bring them to the penthouse.

Luke shows up at Marissa’s and Julie invites him up as she packs some of Marissa’s things up. She’s been crying since Kirsten broke up with her for Caleb. Luke comforts her and then BOW CHICKAA WOW WOWWW, they almost kiss. Julie breaks away immediately because she’s the adult here and even though Luke looks like he’s 30, he’s only 16.

Marissa goes down to the lobby to see if her bag has been dropped off and notices that the front desk woman is named Natalie. She asks if she knows Oliver and she says she has since he was little, he used to babysit her. Marissa goes back upstairs more than a little freaked out (finally). She says she met Natalie downstairs and says she’s gotta go. Oliver starts hitting himself and Marissa promises she’s not going anywhere. She tells Oliver to go get changed and then they can go. When he leaves the room she calls Ryan immediately instead of I don’t know LEAVING? Ryan grabs the phone and Marissa tells him that Oliver won’t let her leave the hotel. Oliver comes back with a GUN because WHY NOT PSYCHO, and tells Marissa’s to give him the phone and he hangs up on Ryan.

Ryan comes in the kitchen and is ready to go! Sandy tells him to give him the keys. After a long internal struggle he does and Sandy says, “I’ll drive.” YESSSSSS favorite part. In the penthouse Oliver is pointing the gun around and Marissa is freaking out. She says she has to leave sometime and they can still be friends.

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Whoop there it is. Fuckin’ A Marissa. Are you stupid? He literally says, “How can you not know that?” I don’t know Oliver! It’s a mystery to everyone. Ryan and Sandy go to the front desk and find NATALIE and tell her they had an emergency call from the penthouse, but now no one is answering. They go up to the penthouse with Natalie and security and Natalie knocks on the door. Oliver says everything is fine and Sandy says they’ll go. Ryan ain’t taking that shit lightly so he bangs on the door and yells Marissa’s name, which seem to wake her out of her stupor. Oliver is pointing the gun at her telling her to be quiet, but she can’t help herself.

Marissa: Ryan he’s got a gun!

Security comes in right away guns drawn and Oliver has the gun to his own head now. Ryan talks him down enough so security can detain him and Marissa runs into Ryan’s arms apologizing. OH CHRIST GIRLFRIEND YOU DON’T GET TO JUST BEG FOR FORGIVENESS NOW.

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At the Cohen’s, Anna and Seth are playing Jenga when they find out that Marissa is okay. The first thing Seth wants to do is call Summer and Anna loses it.

Anna: I think you’re a great guy, but I’m not going to stand here and pretend that I’m your girlfriend when I’m not.

Seth can’t make decisions until they’re made for him apparently. Anna leaves him and he’s only baffled for about two seconds. Ryan makes it back to the pool house and Seth is laying on the bed. He apologizes for not believing him. Awww.

Best Song of the Episode:

“Love of the Loveless” by Eels

Best Quote:

“If Julie Cooper asks you to do anything you nod your head yes and you do nothing.” – Kirsten

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

Not a single one.

Weird 2004 thing:

So many flip phones!

Best Fashion Statement:

Julie’s wearing this white sweater with an obnoxiously loud fur looking thing draped around it. It’s amazingly awful.

Obvious Reasons to NOT trust Oliver Trask:

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  1. He knows who you are even though you have no friends or places in common
  2. He knows your medical history
  3. He lives in a hotel
  4. Anna says her parents know the parents of the guy who’s throwing the party, but she doesn’t know who Oliver is.
  5. He says his girlfriend lives long-distance so you’ll probably never get to meet her. Super convenient.
  6. He gives you ‘come make out with me’ eyes on new years even though he knows you have a boyfriend.
  7. His name isn’t on the list for backstage passes at the front door but he meets you in back to get you in
  8. His girlfriend Natalie never shows up when he says she will (spoiler, she doesn’t exist)
  9. He makes angry phone calls about cocaine then tries to buy some off an undercover cop and gets arrested
  10. He watches you and your friends creepily from outside your boyfriend’s house.
  11. He says his parents and Natalie will be in Palm Springs, then they don’t show up
  12. He tries to run you off the golf course by nearly crashing into you in a golf cart
  13. He breaks a plate and freaks out when you call him on his shit
  14. He fakes a suicide attempt so he can make sure he has your full attention
  15. He shows up as a transfer student at your school with zero warning (because at this point he’s probably stalking you)
  16. He makes sure you and him have the exact same schedule
  17. He has previously slit his wrists in the high school bathroom over a girl and she filed a restraining order
  18. He tricks you into believing all of this is your fault before he coerces you into punching him several times
  19. He listens to your voicemails and deletes them
  20. He offers to take you to Paris and run away with you, making you skip your very important therapy and make everyone around you worried
  21. He lies about his girlfriend Natalie and you find out that Natalie is actually a middle aged woman at the hotel’s front desk who took care of him when he was a kid
  22. When you try to leave he takes a gun out and threatens to kill himself if you leave
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Ed Wood Jesus Do? Podcast – Suspiria

Written and directed by Dario Argento, Suspiria tells of young American ballet dancer, Suzy Bannion, as she enrolls in a famed German dance academy, and discovers the deep dark secrets behind the veil. It is absolute essential viewing for all horror fanatics and transcends the limitations of the genre with a gorgeous score and illuminating colors.

The Ed Wood Jesus Do? team run you through all its intricacies, dull plot points, and killer interpretations in this latest episode available on SpreakerGoogle Play Music, and Itunes, as well as all the other places pods are incubating.

 

CinemAbysmal: The Podcast – Episode 15: Earth Girls Are Easy and Mac & Me

Welcome to the 15th episode of CinemAbysmal: The Podcast, where the three writers of cinemabysmal.com talk about what society would consider some of the worst of the worst media out there. Special guest Brandon Michael Barker joins us to discuss 80’s classics Earth Girls Are Easy & Mac and Me! Check it out on all your favorite apps below! As always, please SHARE, RATE, AND SUBSCRIBE!

iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinemabysmal/id1153464020?mt=2

Google Play Music – https://play.google.com/music/m/Irjld24rxpsi22hdnugilmxh57u?t=CinemAbysmal

Stitcher – https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=128435&refid=asa

Spreaker – http://www.spreaker.com/show/cinemabysmals-show

You can also find us on BeyondPod! Just search for CinemAbysmal.

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME SEVENTEEN: S01: E17 – THE RIVALS

THE OC SUNDAYS – VOLUME SEVENTEEN: S01: E17 – THE RIVALS

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The O.C. Sundays – Volume Seventeen – Season One: Episode Seventeen – The Rivals

Recap by Holly Hill

Why Rewatch The O.C.?

The O.C. premiered on August 5, 2003 and ended on February 22, 2007. Or May 18, 2006 if you like to pretend that the fourth season never happened (a lot of people do, it’s okay). The O.C. not only introduced a lot of people to some fantastic music through its heavily bought mix tapes (this is before YouTube, Spotify, & Apple Music), it also created Chrismukkah, and inspired a decades worth of ‘THE REAL’ reality shows.

Not sure what I mean by that? Well The O.C. prompted the reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C., and a thousand other spinoffs to it. The catch phrase ‘The Real O.C.’ morphed into The Real Housewives of fill in the blank rich people cities.

Needless to say, despite its shortcomings, The O.C. had some great writing, a fantastic soundtrack, and truly inspired a generation worth of TV, for better or worse. The O.C. is the only TV show I own on box set. I haven’t watched it in awhile, so why don’t we watch it together? Whether you’re new to The O.C. (you can stream it on Hulu) or a long time fan, it’s a show anyone with a love for the dramatic can enjoy.

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Recap:

The look on Ryan’s face says it all here and I’ll refer to it again in a moment. The kids are back at school. I say kids because they’re supposed to be 16, even though they look 21 and I say back at school because they are back at school. You know that thing they sometimes go to in between new years parties, fake OD’s, concerts and time away in Palm Springs.

Seth: You did accuse a guy of faking a suicide attempt

Ryan: No, I didn’t I just didn’t believe him.

Seth: Hard to believe such blind compassion upset Marissa.

That’s right Ryan and Marissa are on the outs. Oliver’s ‘suicide’ attempt and Ryan’s ‘yeah right’ about it has finally made Marissa choose between Oliver and Ryan. Of course in a friend vs boyfriend way. Because Oliver is clearly someone who just wants to be friends with Marissa. According to Marissa. Who is insane. Seth suggests Ryan make peace with Oliver and try to be his friend. He tells Marissa that since Oliver is her friend, he will try to be Oliver’s friend. He promises he’ll try to be cool with it and he does a pretty good job for about FIVE seconds until Oliver shows up at school. Guess what? He’s the new transfer student. Cue to the photo at the top here of Ryan’s face. Now you get it. Oh fucking great.

Oliver: Marissa and I have like the exact same schedule now. What are the odds?

Ryan: Crazy.

I’m sorry is Marissa a fucking moron? Don’t answer that, we all know the answer.

Meanwhile, Seth confides to Ryan that he and Anna never fight and they like all the same things. This makes him wonder if he is dating the female version of himself. Seth and Anna decide that they should like/do different things sometime to avoid this. Also they dress alike. I think Summer’s brother/sister comment is really getting to them.

Sandy meets up with Jimmy to talk about their deal to buy The Lighthouse restaurant. Jimmy can’t believe that Sandy remembers their drunk conversation, but he agrees to go with Sandy to meet with some investors. Sandy puts a down payment on the restaurant and Jimmy is hesitant to sign anything, but at the last minute agrees to and The Lighthouse is suddenly back in business.

Julie shows up at Kirsten’s office asking about the interior design job that the Newport Group is hiring for. Julie has zero experience. Kirsten is hesitant but Julie says she’ll do their first house for free and if Kirsten likes it they can talk more about it. Naturally Julie ruins everything and Kirsten swoops in the to save the day so Caleb won’t find out about it. With Kirsten’s help, Caleb loves the place and hires Julie, much to Kirsten’s dismay.

Seth is the funny friend, right? So when Summer shows up at their lunch group hang out time with a ‘funny’ guy (who isn’t funny at all) named Danny, Seth is immediately jealous.

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Summer’s new hilarious ‘boyfriend’ is pissing Seth off and he and Anna come to school dressed the same again. Seth goes on and on about it to Anna, who realizes that he’s actually jealous of Danny’s relationship with Summer. To prove he’s not jealous he invites Danny to hang out with him after school. Danny asks Seth if he could try to be less funny around Summer. Summer apparently always tells Danny how funny Seth is. This brightens Seth’s mood considerably and he suddenly really likes Danny. He tells Danny he needs to be bigger, and funnier. Essentially he’s trying to make Summer so annoyed with Danny she leaves him. Seth gets his wish the next day as Summer tells him that her and Danny broke up. Anna shows up and her and Seth are wearing the same scarf. Seth looks annoyed. Summer clearly loves Seth and Seth clearly loves Summer. COME ON ALREADY.

Oliver finds Ryan at lunch on a couch and makes small talk about school being hard. Oliver says there was an incident at his old school so he left. Oliver asks Ryan to give him a chance so they can start over, but really he wants to know what the incident was that lead to Oliver leaving his old school. Ryan tells Seth he doesn’t trust Oliver. Seth says he can either go break into the file room at school and find out what that incident was or he can just let it go. Ryan chooses to break into school instead and he gets caught looking at Oliver’s file. We get our first non-white person in in like five episodes when Dr. Kim, the principal, is back to discuss Ryan breaking into the school. Ryan said he found out from the file that Oliver slit his wrists in the bathroom at his old school….over a girl who filed a restraining order. He thinks that he could turn violent on Marissa. Dr. Kim says that’s confidential and Oliver has been rehabilitated. Uh-huh. Ryan gets detention for every day until the honor committee reaches a verdict on what do with him.

Ryan sees Oliver give a piece of paper to Marissa, who puts it in her locker. Seth and Ryan meet up in the pool house and Seth asks if Ryan learned his lesson. Ryan has not. He will not let this go. He shows Seth the letter that he’s already taken out of her locker. He says he hasn’t read it, and Seth tells him to put it back. Seth says Ryan is acting scary. Ryan says that Oliver is scary. Ryan says he’ll put the letter back. Seth leaves and Ryan reads the letter. It says that he can’t live without her and Oliver loves her. Seth says if Marissa finds out he took the letter they are finished as a couple.

Ryan almost gets away with everything until Dr. Kim intervenes. She sits Marissa down and says she’s worried about a transfer student that has a close relationship with Marissa and might be unstable. Marissa says she’s aware of Oliver’s issues. Dr. Kim says she’s talking about Ryan. Oh THANKS BITCH. Now we know who to blame when all of this shit finally comes to a head.

Ryan gets out of detention only to find Marissa waiting. Unsurprisingly she is pissed and Ryan says he broke into the school for her protection because he was worried about her (okay I guess that sounds a little crazy). Ryan says Oliver is obsessed with her. Marissa denies it because she’s oblivious. Ryan says he knows for a fact because of the letter in her locker. Marissa says that letter isn’t meant for her. It’s meant for Oliver’s ex girlfriend, Natalie. He wants to get back together with her and he wanted Marissa to read the letter first. Oh if that wasn’t a planted trap from Oliver I don’t know what was. Marissa breaks up with Ryan because now she doesn’t trust him. Good!

The next day Oliver shows up and tells Ryan he heard about about happened. Ryan apologizes to Oliver and says he was wrong about him.

Oliver: Did you think I came here for Marissa? Because I’m in love with her?

Ryan: Yeah I know, I…it was crazy.

Oliver: *shurgs* Here’s the deal Ryan and it’s nothing personal. Marissa and I we just connect.

Oliver goes on a long speech about his true confession to Ryan of being an obsessed stalker psycho.

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Ryan: I’m not going to let this happen.

Oliver: At this point who will believe you? Walk away, you have a chance to make something of yourself. Don’t blow it all over some chick you’re not going to care about in ten years.

Ryan lasts about two more seconds until he punches Oliver three times in the face on school property. He looks insane as he’s held back and screams at Oliver to stay away from her. So that’s at least a suspension for Ryan who now has no girlfriend and an insane person stalking his ex. Good times on The OC.

Best Song of the Episode:

“The Spoils Of The Spoiled” by The New Amsterdams

Best Quote:

“Ryan, I am no girl, although I did spend several summers at Camp Tuckahoe being called such, but maybe you’re jealousy is getting in the way.” – Seth Cohen

Number of Non-White People with Actual Lines in This Episode:

Dr. Kim, coming in and giving us some color! You go girl.

Weird 2004 thing:

Seth mentions to Summer that he has a bunch of Jon Stewarts Daily Show on Tivo if she ever wants to come over and watch. Today, Trevor Noah hosts the Daily Show.

Best Fashion Statement:

Me too Summer, me too. Stop wearing scarfs in Orange County. It’s like a constant 75 degrees.

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Obvious Reasons to NOT trust Oliver Trask:

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  1. He knows who you are even though you have no friends or places in common
  2. He knows your medical history
  3. He lives in a hotel
  4. Anna says her parents know the parents of the guy who’s throwing the party, but she doesn’t know who Oliver is.
  5. He says his girlfriend lives long-distance so you’ll probably never get to meet her. Super convenient.
  6. He gives you ‘come make out with me’ eyes on new years even though he knows you have a boyfriend.
  7. His name isn’t on the list for backstage passes at the front door but he meets you in back to get you in
  8. His girlfriend Natalie never shows up when he says she will (spoiler, she doesn’t exist)
  9. He makes angry phone calls about cocaine then tries to buy some off an undercover cop and gets arrested
  10. He watches you and your friends creepily from outside your house.
  11. He says his parents and Natalie will be in Palm Springs, then they don’t show up
  12. He tries to run out off the golf course by causing you to die in a golf cart accident
  13. He breaks a plate and freaks out when you call him on his shit
  14. He fakes a suicide attempt so he can make sure he has your full attention
  15. He shows up as a transfer student at your school with zero warning (because at thing point he’s probably stalking you)
  16. He makes sure you and him have the exact same schedule
  17. He slit his wrists in the high school bathroom over a girl and she filed a restraining order
  18. He tricks you into believing all of this is your fault before he coerces you into punching him several times

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E07: THE DRAGON AND THE WOLF

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E07: THE DRAGON AND THE WOLF

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Seven: The Dragon and The Wolf

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Thanks for waiting a day for this recap and reading it anyway! What a SEASON. See ya next year.

While the world spent the weekend engrossed in two men fighting in a ring and the Game of Thrones season finale, I was camping in a smoky wood covered in ash with no cell service, contemplating why I chose this weekend of all weekends to be without internet. Nevertheless, I made it back to civilization today and the first thing I did was sit down and watch this hour and half long episode of Game of Thrones. Apologies for the lateness, but let’s get into this.

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Let’s start at Winterfell where the majority of my anxiety was this season. I so desperately wanted to believe that Sansa and Arya were playing this game together, but years of thinking characters were smarter than they are has only led me to disappointment so I kept my expectations low with this one and was fully ready for Sansa to possibly somehow get murdered (let’s be honest, no one is killing Arya). When Sansa brought Arya into the hall surrounded by guards and read chargers out loud I was hoping the charges were for Littlefinger, but I was keeping the option open of Arya just killing her sister at this point. I was very excited that the writers chose to actually give Sansa some brains this time around and indeed charge Littlefinger with treason and murder. Arya takes Littlefinger’s knife and slashes his throat, much to the approval of everyone in the room and at home on the couch. Now the sister’s wait for Jon to arrive with Dany.

At King’s Landing, every main character besides Arya and Sansa meet at the old Dragon pits. The Hound confronts his brother, The Mountain, and essentially let’s him know that he is eventually looking forward to killing him. No Cleganebowl yet guys. Soon.

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Dany shows up on her dragon, which doesn’t seem to phase Cersei at all (love that bitch sometimes), and she seems utterly bored by the entire ordeal until they throw a white walker in her face. Then she’s like, ‘oh my unborn incest child might be in trouble!’, really solidifying the fact that she is an insanely selfish and terrible leader. Euron Greyjoy nopes out the second he sees the white walker, taking his fleet with him, and Cersei agrees to help fight the dead only if Jon refuses to bend the knee to Dany. Jon makes the best decision he can in regards to which decision will get him laid. He tells Cersei he can’t serve two queens and she gets up without making a deal and walks away.

Tyrion goes to right Jon’s mess, facing Cersei alone. They talk and she eventually agrees to help them fight the dead. Oh how simple and lovely! Like anyone believed that for a second at home on the couch, while everyone on screen believed it like Cersei is the most selfless person ever. Jamie prepares the Lannister army, but Cersei interrupts and tells him not to. She is going to keep everyone here and let Dany take care of the dead. She says that she has the Iron Bank behind her and the Golden Company will join them. Euron didn’t actually take off due to fright, he went to go pick up the army. Love that Cersei always has a plan, even when it’s insane. Jamie thinks she’s really lost her mind now (wow, finally), and goes to leave. Cersei threatens the Mountain on him, but Jamie knows she could never kill him. He makes it out of King’s Landing presumably to meet up with Brienne and the gang.

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Sam shows up in Winterfell to talk to Jon, but instead gets Bran. Good old Sam is all smiles and kindness even when faced with the insanity that is now 3EB. Bran tells Sam that Jon is actually the bastard son of Lyanna Stark and Dany’s brother, Rhaegar Targaryen. Sam is says that actually he’s the legit son because he remembers everything, including last episode when Gilly was talking mad boring shit about Rhaegar’s annulment so he could marry Lyanna. Thanks for spelling out out nice and neat in case there was any doubt, writers. Also his real name is Aegon Targaryen.

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Bran dubs him the true heir to the Iron Throne, and I’d normally be concerned about how Dany is going to take that, but she is taking him, I mean it, juuuuuussssstttt fine as the two get it the fuck on, while Tyrion strangely observes the entire thing from behind a door. Also, let’s take a moment to reflect on Kit Harrington’s amazing butt. Dany says she can’t get pregnant, but I bet Jon’s sperm will have something to say about that. So if Cersei is pregnant and Dany is pregnant does that mean we will have two baby’s born of incest in the near future? How is one good and the other is bad? The excuse of “this is just how the Targaryens do it” isn’t going to keep being a valid thing people say.

Insert some stuff about Theon beating a man to death to get the men loyal to Yara to go save her:

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The episode ends at the Wall, where Tormund is keeping watch (hope he’s okay!) as the Army of the Dead finally makes it to the edge. The ice dragon shows up, and the Night King rides him along the wall, having the dragon shoot blue flames at the wall of ice, breaking it down completely. The episode ends with the wall crumbling and the army walking past it. Shti is going down for the final season of Game of Thrones, out sometime next year.

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Hope you’ll join me then!

In the meantime, check Cinemabysmal Radio’s THREE podcasts, and check back on the site regularly for awesome movie and tv reviews.

Best quotes this week:

  • Sansa: When the snows fall and the white winds blow the lone wolf ies, but the pack survives.
  • Bran: Jon is Aegon targaryen. The rightful heir of the Iron Throne.
  • Brienne: Fuck honor and oaths.

Ed Wood Jesus Do? – Lemon

Film: Lemon (2017)

Directed by Janizca Bravo. Written by Bravo and Brett Gelman.

Available for rent OnDemand, Amazon Video, & Google Play. 

this shit was written by eric

Lemon is a 2017 film directed by Janizca Bravo about a man struggling in every aspect of his life.  Isaac, played to great effect by Brett Gelman, is a theatre director whose long-term blind girlfriend is cheating on him, his prized student is getting better gigs, and his own acting career exists in short unheard monologues of mid-nineties New York.  His family exists as an array of unhinged neuroses ranging from their son’s inability to move furniture without scratching the walls to the shame of having his face featured as the poster boy for those suffering with Hep C. The film is a beautiful trip and does a great job of stripping away the indie man-child dramedy streamlined in the 2000s by Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson.

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I was delighted to see Brett Gelman star in this film, as I have been a fan of his comedically creepy characters for years. He has had bit parts and side-character spots on random TV shows, and he certainly does not disappoint in this film. His performance is dry and despicable and he rides the very difficult line between pseudo-poignancy and complete contemptibility with great aplomb. Bravo in her own right, is an incredible artist and photographer. She directed a short film in 2013, starring Michael Cera entitled Gregory Go Boom, which felt like Gummo meets Napoleon Dynamite, but better, and she also published a photo series with Vice called TOUPEE between 2011 and 2012 with Gelman starring as her muse, which was equal parts quirky and charming. (He also wrote the accompanying story.)

The film itself boasts an amazing look and feel. Much of the comedy is derived from the incredibly awkward interactions between pompous Isaac and the rest of the world. He is a character trapped in the metaphysical ramblings of theatrical “processes,” and his only passion comes from berating the “lesser” actress Tracy (Gillian Jacobs). Funnily enough, he even pawns that job off to Alex, played stunningly well by Michael Cera. What we are left with is a film about an artist who is so wrapped up in his own “art” that he forgets how to interact with other humans. It is very reminiscent of Caden Cotard in 2009’s Synecdoche, New York, and also draws so well from many other sources. There are bits of surrealism that seem sponged from Quentin Dupieux’s milieu, the social awkwardness of an LA in competition with itself from Curb Your Enthusiasm, and the real messy bits about confronting your own human emotions, as is seen in the films of Yorgos Lanthimos. It also has the yellow coloring and gorgeous soundtrack you’ve grown accustomed to seeing in a Paolo Sorrentino flick.

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Though drawing from very different artistic realms, the film feels wholly of itself. It has an Anti-Hero who isn’t fully a hero, because there is perhaps no part of the film in which he takes full advantage of his agency, and in many ways, the film follows suit. There is so much action that takes place off-screen. It is as though we are watching the downfall of a human Plinko disc, just bouncing off interactions and scenarios and experiences with no true will of his own. Even in the scene where Isaac attempts to intimidate Alex with a knife, Alex appears more off-put and annoyed than frightened. You could not see a lazier, more reluctant fight than the one between these two. In fact, he is so lazy, he can’t even muster enough energy to sing “A Million Matzo Balls” with his family, which is the most entertaining, vividly gorgeous, and downright fun scene in the entire film. In fact, the only time he ever really acts at all is at the hallucinated behest of his new love-interest Cleo’s grandmother, in which he runs her wheelchair down the street in an attempt to help her escape after having a few strokes.

Lemon is an absolute delight that will affect your brain for days to come. I wholeheartedly look forward to seeing more films from Bravo in the future. The music and sound design is thrilling and evocative, and this is a film not to be missed.  

 

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E06: BEYOND THE WALL

A RECAP OF THRONES: S07 E06: BEYOND THE WALL

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A Recap of Thrones: Season Seven, Episode Six: Beyond the Wall

By Holly Hill (@hollishillis)

Next week’s Recap episode will be a day late! Look for it next Monday night. In a way that’s good though? Makes us a day closer to season eight!

Arya and Sansa are fighting again. Instead of…I don’t know…talking to each other? Littlefinger has it all worked out and manipulates Arya into a fight with Sansa over her loyalty to her family. Sansa consults in Littlefinger who suggests that Sansa involve Brienne who swore loyalty to Catelyn Stark to protect her daughters…even from each other. Instead, Sansa sends Brienne to King’s Landing in her stead. Apparently Cersei invited Sansa down to ‘talk’ and she makes Brienne go instead. Not sure how any of this helps Sansa….or Arya….or Littlefinger. Even Brienne looks confused AF and I don’t believe for a second that Cersei would invite Sansa anywhere because she would bore Cersei to death. So something is up.

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Sansa goes snooping in Arya’s room and finds her dead people masks. Arya essentially threatens her. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? The character development for Arya here doesn’t make sense. Either Sansa and Arya are actually in alliance (although the evidence against this is becoming overwhelming) or all that training Arya did doesn’t make her see she is falling into Littlefinger’s trap. And Sansa has become this crazy power hungry nightmare? I hate them both right now. The other option is that Arya has already killed Littlefinger and is pretending to be him. Which would be kind of insane.

Tyrion tries to consult Dany, but he goes about it in entirely the wrong way. The conversations starts civilly discussing how to meet with Cersei if she accepts the invitation. Tyrion teases Dany about her obvious boner for Jon. Then he brings up the idea of her successor to the throne if Dany dies. WHY TYRION. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SMARTER THAN THIS. First this dip shit plan with Cersei and trusting Jaime and now THIS. Come on dude. Dany leaves the meeting unhappy with her Hand and the audience leaves it unhappy with him as well.

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North of the wall, hilarious conversation ensues with The Hound and Tormund discussing Brienne. Tormund talks about the strong children they’re going to have together and The Hound remembers fighting her. Gendry is cold and whiny and The Hound makes fun of him for it. Jon and Jorah discuss the sword Jorah’s father gave Jon. Jon tries to give it back, but Jorah lets him have it. Through the snow, they see two blue eyes and it turns out to be a giant white walker polar bear. They kill it with fire, but not before The Hound is horrified (mostly by the fire) and a few no name people with them die from it.

They happen upon a small group of White Walkers and manage to kill all but one. They trap it but not before being overrun by a huge group of White Walkers. They kill the main white walker and somehow it kills all the other ones. So that’s helpful information to know. They make it to the middle of a lake that the Walkers don’t’ want to cross because it’s half frozen. Gendry makes it away to the Wall to send a raven to Dany for help. Tyrion advises that it’s too risky, but Dany wants some of that hot Jon Snow ass and refuses to let him die. Eventually a battle ensues and just when things start to look bad, Dany shows up with her Dragons.

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The main White Walker, The Night King, takes one of his ice spears and kills one of the dragons, as it falls into the icy lake. Dany is horrified and manages to get everyone out alive except Jon. Beric, The Hound, and Jorah take their White Walker prisoner and get on the Dragon with Dany as she exits with her two remaining dragons. Jon is left behind and it looks like he’s going to die when his Uncle Benjen shows up and distracts the Walkers, giving Jon his horse to ride back to the wall (again, weird, but it’s such a strange plot point I’m gonna gloss over it). Dany watches him arrive with a full on lady boner.

Later, Jon awakes and Dany is hanging out lookin’ at him naked (essentially). She sees his death scars from the stabbings he took. Jon calls her ‘Dany’ and she doesn’t like that (too bad Imma keep doing it, maybe you should try having an easier name to spell). Jon says, ‘How about ‘My Queen’ then?” And she splooshes everywhere. They hold hands for a bit, very risque, and essentially solidify their ever growing love.

Oh, and remember that dead polar bear? Remember how animals can become White Walkers? REMEMBER. The last scene we are left with is the Night King, dragging the dragon’s body out of the frozen lake and, you guessed it, now we have A DRAGON WHITE WALKER WHAT. So….does it breathe ice? This is A Song of Ice and Fire guys!

Best quotes this week:

  • Gendry: How do you keep your balls from freezing off?

Tormund: You gotta keep moving. That’s the secret. Walkin’s good, fighting’s better, fucking’s best.

  • Dany: Jon Snow’s not in love with me

Tyrion: Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he’s hopeful for a successful military alliance.

  • Beric: We’ll meet again Clegane.

Hound: I fucking hope not.